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Hared Loudier is a former Quafe employee who once claimed an entire stockpile of Quafe beverages vanished through a wormhole before his eyes.

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Author Topic: [Character] Ayallah  (Read 8362 times)

Anslol

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #15 on: 03 Jun 2013, 07:15 »

A question for the more veteran than I,
How well would it work if I RP'd this to become available IC?  Either through hacking or perhaps a data leak.  I am not sure but I think it would be amazing fun to have Aya's past come out in full and to deal with the consequences

Certainly would make things interesting ^_^

Thoughts?

Oh, and also piggy backing another question, Is fiction something people do?  Could I make a story or maybe a lot of small stories? would people enjoy/read it?

Anslo's issues had a few RP events where people were affected which culminated in one person turned close friend finding out just wtf happened to him. You could do a few IC planned thingies. Check my character sheet/report thingies for summaries of those events (avoid the last report with the autopsy if you're squeamish). You could do SOMETHING similar.

http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=4015.0
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Shintoko Akahoshi

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #16 on: 03 Jun 2013, 08:43 »

Very nicely done! Ayallah is turning into one of those characters you really love to hate! :cube:

Aww :'(  She just wants a friend!

Well, she's certainly graduated to "dangerous loose cannon" status...  :D

Hamish Grayson

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #17 on: 03 Jun 2013, 08:58 »

I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #18 on: 03 Jun 2013, 09:05 »

I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)

I actually did something like that a while back. So I'd totally be onboard.
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Morwen Lagann

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #19 on: 03 Jun 2013, 09:10 »

I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)

I actually did something like that a while back. So I'd totally be onboard.

Bunch of people have. Might be easier just to keep them in our own character profile threads and keep the directory thread updated, though.
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Ayallah

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #20 on: 03 Jun 2013, 10:28 »

I like the idea of it but it seems to me like the updates would lose momentum after awhile.

People aren't interesting all the time and creating plotlines could turn it into a TV serial.
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Anslol

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #21 on: 03 Jun 2013, 10:31 »

I like the idea of it but it seems to me like the updates would lose momentum after awhile.

People aren't interesting all the time and creating plotlines could turn it into a TV serial.

Doesn't have to be constant plots and shit. Just make reports after major IC events in Aya's life. It summarizes the event and gives others a glimpse into the background of what happened. When Anslo had shit go down, I had FIO Sub-division 7 make constant reports to monitor him and his friends until he sent them a rather strong (and squishy) message.
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #22 on: 03 Jun 2013, 10:35 »

What if we all made up DED/CONCORD characters and did a collaborative writing project involving them, office hyjinks, and following our eve characters, possibly also with occasional shooty violence. The Office meets CSI meets EVE

It could be fun. If anyone wants to get on board with that, send me a mail.
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Anslol

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #23 on: 03 Jun 2013, 10:39 »

What if we all made up DED/CONCORD characters and did a collaborative writing project involving them, office hyjinks, and following our eve characters, possibly also with occasional shooty violence. The Office meets CSI meets EVE

It could be fun. If anyone wants to get on board with that, send me a mail.

SCP-1337 'Zanzibar'

SCP-1337 is a modified semi-cybernetic humanoid associated with an extremist transhumanist organization known as Sansha Nation. Subject has an affinity for Pimm's and copious amounts of drugs....


This could be interesting.
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Ayallah

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #24 on: 06 Jun 2013, 18:54 »

So! I have played around with a lot of your guys suggestions and have added a 'hackable' component to my in-game bio.
This is very stupid simple to hack

Additionally, any char's who would like to hack into the CONCORD-DED main secure server, the data (this bio) is available.  Saede is working on something along those lines and I think that it would be a lot of fun.  ...Especially considering how nice and un-argumentative Aya is.

Thanks for your input, if you see anything that doesn't make sense or looks to be in error feel free to let me know

-J
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Karmilla Strife

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #25 on: 07 Jun 2013, 03:10 »

I'm going to try and phrase this in a way that is acceptable to backstage. You have an interesting character, but I wish you would dial things back a little. I personally think that you can have a meaningful amount of drama without murdering millions of people. I say this while playing a Sabik Cartel enthusiast...

I think that you have a very interesting story to tell. However I feel that aspects of it may be exaggerated for storyline purposes, to the point where it stretches the bounds of disbelief. Yes this is a grimdark future setting but I find a problem interacting with a character that records say killed more people than Stalin by age 28. I personally hope that you consider dialing things back a bit and telling your story in a way that is not only interesting and compelling, but fits a little better into what many players view as a reasonable storyline. Please remember that there are more dramatic tools than pity and hatred. I know you can utilize your personal experience to express that.
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Anslol

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #26 on: 07 Jun 2013, 07:40 »

Depends though. If those kills were ship based (as in including crew), then...well, it isn't beyond the bounds for some people.
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Sofia Roseburn

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #27 on: 07 Jun 2013, 08:49 »

I’m going to preface this by saying the following is in the best interests of your character, and I would strongly suggest that you take it as constructive criticism rather than attack on your character/writing prowess. Here are my thoughts.

•   I’m not entirely sure what suicide attacks for the purpose of theft are, but they sound counterproductive.
•   Murdering almost 29 million people is about 6.5 Hitlers, and this is before becoming a capsuleer.
•   Kameiras are shock troops who give no quarter. Unless you’ve gotten those 790,233 counts of inhumane imprisonment in the past four months, no.
•   Genocide/or ethnic cleansing is a hell of a lot more effective from orbit. Of course, you might argue that there is the whole aspect of building retention, but again, Kameiras are shock troops. Genocide is grunt work.
•   Apartheid is legal in the Amarr Empire and several surrounding territories. If it’s outside the empire then fair enough.
•   Kameiras/Operative of the Minmatar Republic, these two are mutually exclusive. Kameiras are brainwashed from conception using a process that has been improved over hundreds of years, and kept completely separate from the rest of the Amarrian populace by the ministries no less! Entertaining the fact that this could, in fact, take place, I strongly question whether CONCORD would approve the capsuleer license for a) a mass murderer, b) a brainwashed child soldier of the Amarr Empire who has now broken said brainwashing and c) shows no sign of stopping. Now put them all together.
•   Kameira training does not begin until late adolescence due to biological augmentation. If you’ve managed all of the aforementioned war crimes in 10 years PLUS downtime for brainwashing meltdown and locational shifts then… Oh, and capsuleer training.
•   Qualified in many hulls since February? This is a no, fact.
•   Combat efficiency or general inexperience in ship combat? Mutually exclusive.
•   Calm and zen like even under the most high stress situations but still has PTSD? Mutually exclusive.
•   “Capable of killing without any emotional or physical signs of build up or any emotional or conscious fallout, indicating textbook sociopathy.” YOU HAVE PTSD.
•   Sociopaths aren’t proud. Arrogant? Sure.

I'd write more but I literally cannot bring myself to put the effort in. Congratulations.
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Samira Kernher

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #28 on: 07 Jun 2013, 14:31 »

I’m going to preface this by saying the following is in the best interests of your character, and I would strongly suggest that you take it as constructive criticism rather than attack on your character/writing prowess. Here are my thoughts.

...

I'd write more but I literally cannot bring myself to put the effort in. Congratulations.

It's not constructive criticism if you put an attack at the end. And in constructive criticism you should be providing positive suggestions on how to improve rather than just negatively pointing out mistakes.

Quote
•   I’m not entirely sure what suicide attacks for the purpose of theft are, but they sound counterproductive.
•   Murdering almost 29 million people is about 6.5 Hitlers, and this is before becoming a capsuleer.
•   Kameiras are shock troops who give no quarter. Unless you’ve gotten those 790,233 counts of inhumane imprisonment in the past four months, no.
•   Genocide/or ethnic cleansing is a hell of a lot more effective from orbit. Of course, you might argue that there is the whole aspect of building retention, but again, Kameiras are shock troops. Genocide is grunt work.

Going to agree with this. Ayallah, when I first read your bio, looking at the crime list just made it stick out as being very 'Mary Sue' to me. There's a lot of 'oh look at what I did, fear/pity me'.

You don't need all of that for Ayallah to be who she is. It makes her come across as being very unrealistic to go that far. This isn't to say that people can't perform such activities, but that people are not put into those kind of situations that often. Remember, the Empire was at peace until 5 years ago. There simply isn't the kind of opportunity for that kind of wideranging activities.

A common writing tip is: "Less is more". Go through your list, pick the things that are absolutely necessary, and discard the rest. Look into depth, not breadth.

Quote
•   Kameiras/Operative of the Minmatar Republic, these two are mutually exclusive. Kameiras are brainwashed from conception using a process that has been improved over hundreds of years, and kept completely separate from the rest of the Amarrian populace by the ministries no less!

They are not mutually exclusive. It'd certainly be rare, and require a very very good reason, but there's nothing that says that Kameiras can never go rogue. There are always exceptions.

Quote
•   Qualified in many hulls since February? This is a no, fact.

Uh, this is visible right in her character sheet. But being qualified to sit in a hull doesn't mean they're very good at using it effectively.

Quote
•   Sociopaths aren’t proud. Arrogant? Sure.

Semantics. Sociopaths have a narcissistic and grandiose sense of self-worth. That's excessive pride, and it results in arrogance.
« Last Edit: 07 Jun 2013, 14:51 by Samira Kernher »
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Makkal

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Re: [Character] Ayallah
« Reply #29 on: 07 Jun 2013, 15:10 »

'Sociopath' is right up there with 'hysterical' and 'sexually deviant' in terms of having a precise definition.

Both OOC and IC, I believe that Ayallah is attempting to be the biggest, baddest bad ass that ever assed a big bad. If she can carry that off in game and get other characters to accept her as such, then that's awesome.

I don't know if that's been successful. I'd say Makkal sees her as a competent foot soldier. Ayallah's made some claims that strike Makkal as outlandish.

For one thing, Ayallah has said the Minmatar Republic knew about an Imperial slave raid on a Minmatar world and send her, and only her, to defend it on the ground. This was part of an initiation test where they didn't expect her to live.

Ayallah has also claimed that she could kill Makkal permanently by sabotaging all of her softclones and normal cloning facilities, even the ones in IRED HQ in null space.

But like almost everything else, I just have my character react as appropriate. Whether this is 'true' or 'factual' in any larger sense doesn't impact how I RP Makkal.
« Last Edit: 07 Jun 2013, 15:26 by Makkal »
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