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EVE-Online RP Discussion and Resources => EVE Character Development => Topic started by: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 15:12

Title: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 15:12
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CLASSIFIED C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D. OMEGA SCI/E/SOI/SHIDA
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ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION IS RESTRICTED TO D.E.D AGENTS WITH ACTIVE SCI ACCESS FOR SPECIAL INTELLIGENCE; EMPYREAN; SPECIAL OPERATIONS INTELLIGENCE, AND SPECIAL HUMAN INTELLIGENCE DIVISION ALPHA

PROPERTY OF C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

ALL INDIVIDUALS HANDLING THIS INFORMATION ARE REQUIRED TO PROTECT IT FROM UNAUTHORIZED DISCLOSURE IN THE INTEREST OF THE SECURITY OF C.O.N.C.O.R.D. AND NEW EDEN

HANDLING, STORAGE, REPRODUCTION, AND DISPOSITION OF THE ATTACHED DOCUMENT WILL BE IN ACCORDANCE WITH APPLICABLE EXECUTIVE ORDER(S), STATUTE(S), AND D.E.D. IMPLEMENTING REGULATIONS.
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(http://i.imgur.com/6fZtthB.jpg)
IMAGE SOURCE: Public License database YC115.11.09
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C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D. CAPSULEER DOSSIER: AYALLAH
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THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED UNCLASSIFIED C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D
_____________________________________________________
◊ Full Name Ayallah [1]
◊ Race Matari
◊ Tribe Brutor
◊ Clan UNK [2]
◊ Date of Birth UNK [3]
◊ Age UNK [3]
◊ Place of Birth Irmalin II (Hexandria), Khanid Kingdom
_____________________________________________________
◊ Height: 208.5cm (6' 10.1")
◊ Weight: 86.6kg (191 lbs)
◊ Hair Colour: Black
◊ Eye Colour: Blue
◊ Blood Type: ABpos
◊ Distinguishing marks: None  [4]
_____________________________________________________
◊ Political Alignment: Matari Defiant/Aggressive ; Capsuleer Independent
◊ Corporation: SniggWaffe
◊ Status: >>UNDER INVESTIGATION<<

Notes: |1|: NAME FIRST REGISTERED ON 02.02.115YC |2|: SUBJECT IS CLANLESS, STILL PURSUING OFFICIAL ACCEPTANCE INTO THE BRUTOR TRIBE |3|: THE AMARRIAN EMPIRE DOES NOT RELEASE INFORMATION ON KAMEIRAS |4|: KAMEIRAS AND MATARI ARE TYPICIALLY HEAVILY MARKED.  SEE PERSONALITY ASSESSMENT AND KNOWN PERSONAL HISTORY FOR INFORMATION

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DERIVED SECURITY STATUS -10.0000
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D.E.D.CONVICTIONS
_____________________________________________________
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED UNCLASSIFIED C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D
>MURDER
>PIRACY
>EXTORTION
>UNLAWFUL AGGRESSION
>LARCENY AND WRONGFUL APPROPRIATION
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D.E.D. CHARGES
_____________________________________________________
>>NO PUBLIC RELEASE UNDER D.E.D. FAIR LAW ACT<<
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED CONCORD-DED/LIMITED/GOV-AUTH C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D
Investigation case officer ID: 003YL: 00503
-Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha. [S.H.I.D.A.]

Crimes Against Humanity:
> MURDER
> INHUMANE IMPRISONMENT
> MASS-MURDER
> TORTURE
> USE OF UNWARRANTED/DISPROPORTIONATE FORCE
> ENSLAVEMENT
> TERRORISM
> GENOCIDE/ETHNIC-CLEANSING
> ENFORCED DISAPPEARANCE OF PERSONS
> WILLFUL ENVIRONMENTAL DEVASTATION AND MODIFICATION
> DESTRUCTION OF RESOURCES
> FORCIBLE TRANSFER OF POPULATION
> HONOR KILLING
> CRIME OF APARTHEID

War Crimes:
> ILLEGAL DETENTION OF CIVILIANS
> MURDER OF POWs
> MASS MURDER OF CIVILIANS
> TRAINING AND USE OF SUICIDE BOMBERS
> TRAINING AND USE OF CHILD SOLDIERS
> MASS MURDER OF CIVILIAN POPULATIONS
> USE OF RADIATION AS A WEAPON
> MASS EXECUTION OF POWs
> USE OF BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS
> USE OF CHEMICAL AND BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS AGAINST A CIVILIAN POPULATION
> USE OF NANETICS AS WEAPONS
> CHEMICAL AND BIOLOGICAL WEAPON TESTING ON HUMANS
> FALSE USE OF PROTECTED SYMBOLS FOR THE PURPOSE OF AMBUSH
> ABUSE OF REMAINS
> LOOTING

Crimes Against Peace:
> ATTACKS AGAINST PARTIES NOT INVOLVED IN A WAR
> INHUMANE TREATMENT OF PRISONERS OF WAR
> WAGING AGGRESSIVE WAR
> WAGING AND/OR CONSPIRACY TO WAGE A WAR OF AGGRESSION FOR TERRITORIAL AGGRANDIZEMENT

Notes: All crimes are considered under investigation until concrete proof can be established. [D.E.D. FAIR LAW ACT YC1] Referenced case files: [see attachment 6a-6aA]

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Investigation case officer ID: 003YL: 00503-Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha. [S.H.I.D.A.]
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DED THREAT ASSESMENT: EXTREME
_____________________________________________________
>>FLAG:AGRESSIVE/DANGEROUS:EXTREME THREAT; CONCORD SECURITY GLOBAL IFF SET TO HOSTILE/-10.0/ENGAGE ON SIGHT<<
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED CONCORD-DED/LIMITED/GOV-AUTH C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

[battle reports omitted intentionally for length; please see separate database]

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES; PILOT COMBAT HISTORY: [combat report links have been omitted, please see Subject's public combat record as well as attachment two for more details]  Subject began as a mining/industrial pilot in a chartered corporation in the Ammatar Mandate as per the agreement with the R.U., but in less than a month had begun to seek combat.  Subject progressed un-mentored, forming a corporation dedicated to training and advancing in Empyrean combat piloting [see closed corporation:INFINITE_ENEMY until her recruitment into Pyre Falcon Defense Cadre, a Kaalakiota PMC enlisted in the militia.   Under new guidance, the subject grew exponentially as a combat pilot but was constantly plagued by the physical limitations of the pod and clone-writing technology. Correlating with C.O.N.C.O.R.D.  API databases show that the subject was operating with only lvl1 knowledge indexes in nearly all modules and ship hulls yet still attempting to operate alongside trained and experienced veterans in ability.  This much earlier than average foray into starship combat was determined to be a result of the marked increase in aggression and violent nature of Kameiras and not due to external pressures.

It is unknown whether it was her frustration at her physical limitations, the subject's lack of social experiences, severe PTSD, her introduction to society at large, or the changes of becoming a capsuleer that caused the subject to become self-destructive and isolationist.  The predictions of the R.S.S. were proven wrong and the subject did not respond well to the authoritative transplant and began to operate outside of PFDC's corporate mandate, venturing alone into nullsec. During this time PFDC was ordered to operate on the eastern border of the State, leading to conflict between the TLF.  Due to external pressure from Republic loyal forces as well as the Subject's possible history with the Republic's armed forces [report pending investigation][see known personal history] and the particular pressure from Republic-loyal capsuleers combined with her self imposted distance from her corporation led her to drop from PFDC after just one month.

The Subject then entered the TLF though was reported to have approached several Amarrian entities in an apparent attempt to defect or return to active service. No verified sources in the 24th or the Imperial Navy can confirm this so I am marking it [unverified] Though, there are over a seven hundred logged reads of her file in the public book of records in the Amarr empire since YC110.

In the TLF the subject continued to operate much as she had under PFDC but without oversight and on a limited contract.  Within a period of twenty two days she was resigned from the TLF, war crime charges pending on her contract. [see case file 1992] 

At some unknown time, a member of TEST Alliance had approached the subject and recruited her just hours after her forced resignation from the TLF, on the eve of the Fountain War. [see separate case studies TEST_Alliance and the Fountain_War.  Information has been omitted from this report as it is nearly all unverifiable]  Subject was an active participant the entire war and remained in TEST Alliance for six months, through the fall of it as a nullsec superpower, its retreat to Aridia and Curse, and finally in its enlistment in the Caldari STPRO.  Combat reporting and available media support the subject's trends toward aggression, self destruction, and isolation during this time period.

After moving into a more exclusive corporation within TEST Alliance the subject left after only a month due to internal conflict as she began to take leadership roles.  She was recruited again by a headhunter and through contacts in the greater Capsuleer combat pilot community into SniggWaffe.  She is currently a combat pilot for SniggWaffe and is a multiple-deployment veteran.  Subject seems to have adjusted to capsuleer life and society at large at this point though she is still highly self-isolationist.  She is currently still employed by SniggWaffe and has shown far more stability and loyalty to them than any organization or ideal since her reclassification to capsuleer. 

[files intentionally omitted under pandemic legion amamake aggrement]

Subject's rapid advancement has placed her within reach of many of the more elite Empyrean combat corporations.  Subject has numerous contacts within this community.  Subject seems to have a single-minded, almost animalistic determination in seeking to both to surpass her former goals and  seems almost obsessed in her advancement.

Subject spends nearly all canted time hunting alone for targets of opportunity, engaging in piracy, and fleet actions.  Subject is highly aggressive, unpredictable, and dangerous.  Subject is set at -10.0 and KOS.
[source: Yulai S.O.I. database][source: D.E.D. Empyrean division][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

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DECANTED/BASELINING ADDENDUM:
>>FLAG: tier four or above approval required to engage unless immediate threat is apparent<<
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED CONCORD-DED/LIMITED/GOV-AUTH C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

Subject is highly trained, experienced, and considered extremely dangerous.

>Subject is formerly an operative of the Amarrian Empire [Kameiras program] [case files 1 to 1153, DPI744.6, 1244, and 1386.4] active from [unknown/unverifiable latest possible report YC115 earliest possible report YC67 insufficient data; probable that subject is still an operative of the Empire]
>Subject is possibly an operative of the Minmatar Republic [unconfirmed][case files 1253 to 1386.3] active from YC110 to YC115 [see relevant case files and:MRMSOI_VLAD_KINTREB][TASK_FORCE_646]
>Subject is currently an operative and pilot of SniggWaffe[case files 1402 to 1493] active from YC115 to date of report.

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: Subject is a child of the Kameira's program, as such, the subject is an expert in asymmetric warfare, counter-intelligence, covert and clandestine operations.  Subject has been verifiably reported on by various criminal, military, and counterintelligence entities for the last twenty nine consecutive years. Subject has been un-verifiably reported on for a period of 49 non-consecutive years. [please reference source citation attachment sub paragraph, D.E.D. charges and attachment two] Subjects known specializations and proficiencies include nearly every type of small arms and crew served weapons, various improvised explosives, as well as an expertise of unarmed combat.  Subject is an experienced interrogator and has been know to train and lead insurgent and guerrilla groups.  Subject is a known political assassin.

Subject has a handpicked cadre of Pandemic Legion Empyrean infantry which accompanies her as a security detail.  [Current dossier and tactical appraisal of this team in case file 1486, additional information in case files 1487 and 1492]
[source: D.E.D.][source: DED Empyrean division][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

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PERSONALITY ASSESSMENT:
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED CONCORD-DED/LIMITED/GOV-AUTH C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

> No vetted psychiatric evaluation by a qualified psychiatrist available see S.H.I.D.A. for ongoing analysis

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: Kameiras are generally unstable, quick to anger and use violence and this subject appears to exemplify those traits.  All Kameiras lack basic human empathy and are typically are not socialized in any sense of the word, though very little data is available on them.  Expect savagery and lack of basic human behaviors.  If subject was used as a house guard [unconfirmed, see case files 1246.8 to 1254] then subject will have likely have undergone social training in preparation for her role. [unconfirmed] If subject was used as a covert operative outside the Amarrian Empires borders, [unconfirmed] [see case files 107 to 204, 332.4 and 1240] then subject likely will have been trained to operate clandestinely in deep embed; concealing real motives, emotions, and intent. 

The subject has a primitive set of behaviors that seem to be the foundation for her worldview and actions.  Judging by what we know of her upbringing and what we can conjecture about the Kameiras program, animalistic is an appropriate adjective for this subject.  Subject was a child soldier.  It seems that without the Amarrian God entity to justify and direct her actions, the subject has gone into a deep existential crisis.  Lacking that authority figure and failing repeatedly to find a suitable replacement for the conditioned need she has grown more distrustful, paranoid, and unpredictable. 

Her developing loyalty to the cause of the Minmatar Republic, her strange and seemingly arbitrary loyalties that remain to the Amarr empire and the mercurial loyalty to capsuleer organizations, while all interesting, should be considered circumstantial in regards to her psychological evaluation.  The subject spends the vast majority of her time alone and only seems to display any of these loyalties in small incidents and never in overt assistance or proclamation with the exception being to the PL group which whom she is employed.

Her separation from the Empire is not known to be voluntary or involuntary.  The removal of her ritual scars seems to indicate the former, too few confirmed Kameira-come-capsuleer exist to determine normal behavior.  All Kameiras who are now templar empyrean infantry have lost theirs as well.  This may be correlating or it may just be a result of the quality of clones affected by empyrean infantry.   The fact she has yet to take any Matari marks may be a sign of continued non-acceptance or personal objection to marking following possible remorse felt for her past.  I am reaching into conjecture here however.

I am recommending a data mine on the subject to obtain a better picture of her mental state before I submit my final analysis.

[psyc evl flagged: ongoing]

[the Amarrian empire has a blanket denial of conducting operations outside of its borders]
[source: Yulai S.O.I. database][source: D.E.D. S.I.][source: D.E.D. Empyrean division][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha][source list continued in attachment 3]

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PHYSICAL ASSESSMENT:
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED CONCORD-DED/LIMITED/GOV-AUTH C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

> Subject is 208cm tall, has blue eyes, a light brown complexion, and naturally black hair. Subject is free of any identifying marks or tattoos [see notes].  Subject is curvaceous and athletic in build.
> Subject is a child of the Kameiras program.

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: Notable markers of the program include: Increased strength, speed, endurance, faster reaction times, higher resistance to stress, increased aggression, faster muscle recovery, improved night vision, improved eyesight and shorter sleep cycles. 

Kameiras are far more resilient than human average and have been known to continue fighting despite grievous wounds. 

Kameiras are either selected from current stock of slaves, bred from previous stock specifically for the program, or gene engineered.  If a child meets the strict requirements, they are entered into the Kameiras program.  Very little is known about the methods used to train or indoctrinate but it is highly successful.  No Kameira has ever been known to be coerced or volunteered to defect.  Based on traffic monitoring and Imperial records, as well as numbers of active units observed, the Kameiras program has a less than 40% success rate.  This number does not account for those bred within the program and is likely much lower. [S.O.I. report YC115.77362-2 indicates it is possible it is as low as 14%]

The Subject, like most engineered Kameiras has many distinct physical differences. [see:HEP_KAMEIRAS_PROGRAM physical changes subsection]

The Subject has a highly unusual metabolism and can go over a month without eating without being in danger of starvation She seems to follow feast or famine diet akin to that of a large predatory animal, eating a large amount then not eating for a period of 4-18 days.  Unlike large predators the Subject, and those other Kameiras observed to follow similar metabolic cycles, eating habits to not reduce to 4-7 times a day but remain in the feast or famine cycle regardless of food availability.  The subject's diet is primitive, designed around this metabolic pattern and consisting almost entirely of raw meat with occasional fruits, typically ones high in fiber. This is either a result of conditioning or changes to metabolism made by the Kameiras program but the subject, and other Kameiras like her have been observed as able to metabolize other foods they all seem to do so only when no other food is available.  Less than 1% of all Kameiras have been observed with similar dietary patterns, all of which originated from Hexandria in the last 50 years.  Subject is lactose intolerant.

Subject distinctly lacks the characteristic ritual scarring of a Kameira. Subject has been known to impersonate Khanid and Gallentean ethnic groups.   Subject is much stronger and more vicious than her appearance would suggest.  All available data suggests she is as much a weapon as any other Kameira and should be handled as if one in active service in regards to engagement and detainment.
[source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

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Investigation case officer ID: 003YL: 00503-Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha. [S.H.I.D.A.] 
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KNOWN PERSONAL HISTORY:
THIS MEDIUM IS CLASSIFIED OMEGA SCI/E/SOI/SHIDA C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D

> DATE UNKNOWN
Born: Hexandria (PII) Irmalin, Khanid. 
Hexandria is one of the oldest running subigo / breeding crèches in the Empire.   Hexandria is rumored to be the home of the Templar program, a precursor to modern Empyrean Infantry.
[source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> DATE UNKNOWN to YC110.06.10
[unconfirmed][see case files 1 to 1153, DPI744.6, 1244, and 1386.4]
[source: DED special intelligence division][source: [redacted]][source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC110.06.10
Extracted from the Royal City, Mekhios (PIII) Sarum Prime.  Entered the Republic border zone in the Hurricane 'Hope Never Held' and was diverted by the R.S.S. flagged as a potential intelligence threat. 

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: The lack of records on the subject is being investigated.  Unfortunately, due both to the collapse of the first Republic and the attack on Yulai there is almost no C.O.N.C.O.R.D. data on many of the newly freed slaves for a period of almost two years following the attack on Yulai.  All information past the initial database entry into the then-loosly secured Republic MilNet on the subject has been lost, made unavailable, or destroyed.  Whether this is a political, clandestine, or bureaucratic issue is unknown.
[source: Minmatar Republic MilNet intercept:YC110.06.10//77.332]

> YC110.06.10 to YC112.03.25
[unconfirmed] [see case files 1253 to 1277] and [MRMSOI_VLAD_KINTREB][TASK_FORCE_646]
[source: DED special intelligence division][source: [redacted]][source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC112.03.25
Confirmed facial I.D. Pashanai, P3M9, Ministry of War Bureau Offices, freight terminal.

[image file attached: [2 frames][see attachment 15: case file index=1278]
[source: (raw data) Ministry of Internal Order][source: (data mining and correlation) Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: Investigation ongoing,  Case officer cannot comment on links between [THE_BLOODY_HANDS_OF_MATAR], The Subject, or the Minmatar Republic though proximity cannot be ignored. See relevant case files: [PASHANAI_INCIDENT]
[source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC112.03.25 to YC114.01.03
[unconfirmed] [see case files 1279 to 1379.2] and [MRMSOI_VLAD_KINTREB][TASK_FORCE_646]
[source: DED special intelligence division][source: [redacted]][source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC114.01.03
Confirmed visual I.D. C.O.N.C.O.R.D. intelligence gathering drone, Core Freedom, Pike's Landing, Amamake 

[video file attached: [4.7sec][see attachment 16: case file index=1379]

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: link to relevant case files {domain address incomplete/missing} Unable to determine with available data on which side of the battle she was.  Though she was armed and dressed in R.F. marine standard equipment that showed signs of battlefield modification.  [It is a known tactic of Kameiras to use looted enemy uniforms to sow confusion]  Due to the poor angle and quality of the available frames and early timestamp of the flyover prior to the fleet actions for which the battle is known, I am unable to conjecture further.
[source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC112.03.25 to YC114.01.03
[unconfirmed] [see case files 1379.3 to 1386.3] and [MRMSOI_VLAD_KINTREB][TASK_FORCE_646]
[source: DED special intelligence division][source: [redacted]][source: Yulai SOI database][source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC115.01.29
Empyrean Augmentation Surgery - Matar
[source: C.O.N.C.O.R.D. Empyrean Division]

CASE OFFICER'S NOTES: It is unknown how the Subject was able to become a Capsuleer.  All her records within the Republic are dated no earlier than this date, save the previously noted MilNet intercept.  Investigation ongoing [see attachment 11: case file index=1386.4]
[source: Yulai Special Human Intelligence Division Alpha]

> YC115.02.02
Entered The Republic University as a Capsuleer
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CLASSIFIED C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D. OMEGA SCI/E/SOI/SHIDA

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[spoiler]ACCESS REPORTED TO C.O.N.C.O.R.D. D.E.D. SPECIAL HUMAN INTELLIGENCE DIVISION ALPHA[/spoiler]
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Makkal on 01 Jun 2013, 15:45
*slow clap*

I love to see this level of thought and detail in a background.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Shintoko Akahoshi on 01 Jun 2013, 16:31
Very nicely done! Ayallah is turning into one of those characters you really love to hate! :cube:
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: DeadRow on 01 Jun 2013, 19:48
Dem Numbers.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Katrina Oniseki on 01 Jun 2013, 20:14
Quote from: TrollKat
Who counts the amount of crimes she surmounts?
The account of those counts is the size of a mount!

All those counts and amounts, give my head such a spin.
I demand a recount of accounts, for the win!

Oh won't you account for the counts of the crimes?
Don't forget to discount the amounts that might rhyme!

But enough of these words that make fun of your counts.
I'm just a Seuss (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Seuss) nerd, padding post counts.

On a serious note, great bio.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Graelyn on 01 Jun 2013, 20:32
I'm impressed.

The detail here is great.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Korsavius on 01 Jun 2013, 20:49
Former Kameira? How intriguing! ~(^.^)~

Even more interesting was what little interaction Kor had with her, he would have never guessed she was such a crazy! That is good characterization right der!
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 22:32
A question for the more veteran than I,
How well would it work if I RP'd this to become available IC?  Either through hacking or perhaps a data leak.  I am not sure but I think it would be amazing fun to have Aya's past come out in full and to deal with the consequences

Certainly would make things interesting ^_^

Thoughts?

Oh, and also piggy backing another question, Is fiction something people do?  Could I make a story or maybe a lot of small stories? would people enjoy/read it?
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Katrina Oniseki on 01 Jun 2013, 22:37
Quote from: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 22:32
A question for the more veteran than I,
How well would it work if I RP'd this to become available IC?  Either through hacking or perhaps a data leak.  I am not sure but I think it would be amazing fun to have Aya's past come out in full and to deal with the consequences

Certainly would make things interesting ^_^

Thoughts?

Oh, and also piggy backing another question, Is fiction something people do?  Could I make a story or maybe a lot of small stories? would people enjoy/read it?

I would suggesting organizing an RP event to have people want to look this sort of stuff up. Alternately, you can simply put a link in your bio and make it obviously publicly available.

As for fiction, yes. We have a whole forum section for it, both here and on the EVE forums. I post all my own fictions here.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Silver Night on 01 Jun 2013, 22:45
Some of us (you can see mine under my sig, and Cia's is really great) have dedicated sites for fiction and/or IC blogs. Eve seems to be a setting that really encourages fiction.

For letting info be available, one thing people have done is put parts of their bio in spoilers, with a label letting people know how they might get hold of it IC, like 'Hacking 5' of 'Amarr Empire Standings 6+'. OFC, most people will read it anyway, but it can make it fun for people to see what their characters could reasonably get hold of.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 22:56
Quote from: Katrina Oniseki on 01 Jun 2013, 22:37
I would suggesting organizing an RP event to have people want to look this sort of stuff up. Alternately, you can simply put a link in your bio and make it obviously publicly available.

As for fiction, yes. We have a whole forum section for it, both here and on the EVE forums. I post all my own fictions here.
Quote from: Silver Night on 01 Jun 2013, 22:45
Some of us (you can see mine under my sig, and Cia's is really great) have dedicated sites for fiction and/or IC blogs. Eve seems to be a setting that really encourages fiction.

For letting info be available, one thing people have done is put parts of their bio in spoilers, with a label letting people know how they might get hold of it IC, like 'Hacking 5' of 'Amarr Empire Standings 6+'. OFC, most people will read it anyway, but it can make it fun for people to see what their characters could reasonably get hold of.

Thank you, I like this a lot!
Time to retreat to scheme...and plot.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Katrina Oniseki on 02 Jun 2013, 09:38
Quote from: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 22:56
Quote from: Katrina Oniseki on 01 Jun 2013, 22:37
I would suggesting organizing an RP event to have people want to look this sort of stuff up. Alternately, you can simply put a link in your bio and make it obviously publicly available.

As for fiction, yes. We have a whole forum section for it, both here and on the EVE forums. I post all my own fictions here.
Quote from: Silver Night on 01 Jun 2013, 22:45
Some of us (you can see mine under my sig, and Cia's is really great) have dedicated sites for fiction and/or IC blogs. Eve seems to be a setting that really encourages fiction.

For letting info be available, one thing people have done is put parts of their bio in spoilers, with a label letting people know how they might get hold of it IC, like 'Hacking 5' of 'Amarr Empire Standings 6+'. OFC, most people will read it anyway, but it can make it fun for people to see what their characters could reasonably get hold of.

Thank you, I like this a lot!
Time to retreat to scheme...and plot.

If you decide to use your bio, I suggest you open up a google sites page and format it to your liking. This will help avoid the issue of ingame bio size and format limitations, and let you make something that looks more "official".
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 02 Jun 2013, 11:17
Quote from: Shintoko Akahoshi on 01 Jun 2013, 16:31
Very nicely done! Ayallah is turning into one of those characters you really love to hate! :cube:

Aww :'(  She just wants a friend!
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Katrina Oniseki on 02 Jun 2013, 11:45
Quote from: Ayallah on 02 Jun 2013, 11:17
Quote from: Shintoko Akahoshi on 01 Jun 2013, 16:31
Very nicely done! Ayallah is turning into one of those characters you really love to hate! :cube:

Aww :'(  She just wants a friend!

She could be Kat's Filthy Tribal friend! If the two actually paid attention to each other outside the Summit, where Kat is much more friendly.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Halete on 03 Jun 2013, 03:24
We need to find more opportunities to RP.

I think Ayallah and Halete will make firm friends.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Anslol on 03 Jun 2013, 07:15
Quote from: Ayallah on 01 Jun 2013, 22:32
A question for the more veteran than I,
How well would it work if I RP'd this to become available IC?  Either through hacking or perhaps a data leak.  I am not sure but I think it would be amazing fun to have Aya's past come out in full and to deal with the consequences

Certainly would make things interesting ^_^

Thoughts?

Oh, and also piggy backing another question, Is fiction something people do?  Could I make a story or maybe a lot of small stories? would people enjoy/read it?

Anslo's issues had a few RP events where people were affected which culminated in one person turned close friend finding out just wtf happened to him. You could do a few IC planned thingies. Check my character sheet/report thingies for summaries of those events (avoid the last report with the autopsy if you're squeamish). You could do SOMETHING similar.

http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=4015.0 (http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=4015.0)
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Shintoko Akahoshi on 03 Jun 2013, 08:43
Quote from: Ayallah on 02 Jun 2013, 11:17
Quote from: Shintoko Akahoshi on 01 Jun 2013, 16:31
Very nicely done! Ayallah is turning into one of those characters you really love to hate! :cube:

Aww :'(  She just wants a friend!

Well, she's certainly graduated to "dangerous loose cannon" status...  :D
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Hamish Grayson on 03 Jun 2013, 08:58
I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Saede Riordan on 03 Jun 2013, 09:05
Quote from: Hamish Grayson on 03 Jun 2013, 08:58
I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)

I actually did something like that (http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=3458.0) a while back. So I'd totally be onboard.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Morwen Lagann on 03 Jun 2013, 09:10
Quote from: Saede Riordan on 03 Jun 2013, 09:05
Quote from: Hamish Grayson on 03 Jun 2013, 08:58
I think it would be neat to have a thread here called 'The Watcher Files.'  The premise being that CONCORD assigns a baseliner or team of base liners to follow and record every single capsuleer in the cluster 24/7.    Like the watchers from Highlander the series.   

We could post everything from dossiers like the OPs to personal logs from a watchers point of view to short stories.  :)

I actually did something like that (http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=3458.0) a while back. So I'd totally be onboard.

Bunch of people have. Might be easier just to keep them in our own character profile threads and keep the directory thread updated, though.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 03 Jun 2013, 10:28
I like the idea of it but it seems to me like the updates would lose momentum after awhile.

People aren't interesting all the time and creating plotlines could turn it into a TV serial.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Anslol on 03 Jun 2013, 10:31
Quote from: Ayallah on 03 Jun 2013, 10:28
I like the idea of it but it seems to me like the updates would lose momentum after awhile.

People aren't interesting all the time and creating plotlines could turn it into a TV serial.

Doesn't have to be constant plots and shit. Just make reports after major IC events in Aya's life. It summarizes the event and gives others a glimpse into the background of what happened. When Anslo had shit go down, I had FIO Sub-division 7 make constant reports to monitor him and his friends until he sent them a rather strong (and squishy) message.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Saede Riordan on 03 Jun 2013, 10:35
What if we all made up DED/CONCORD characters and did a collaborative writing project involving them, office hyjinks, and following our eve characters, possibly also with occasional shooty violence. The Office meets CSI meets EVE

It could be fun. If anyone wants to get on board with that, send me a mail.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Anslol on 03 Jun 2013, 10:39
Quote from: Saede Riordan on 03 Jun 2013, 10:35
What if we all made up DED/CONCORD characters and did a collaborative writing project involving them, office hyjinks, and following our eve characters, possibly also with occasional shooty violence. The Office meets CSI meets EVE

It could be fun. If anyone wants to get on board with that, send me a mail.

SCP-1337 'Zanzibar'

SCP-1337 is a modified semi-cybernetic humanoid associated with an extremist transhumanist organization known as Sansha Nation. Subject has an affinity for Pimm's and copious amounts of drugs....

This could be interesting.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 06 Jun 2013, 18:54
So! I have played around with a lot of your guys suggestions and have added a 'hackable' component to my in-game bio.
This is very stupid simple to hack

Additionally, any char's who would like to hack into the CONCORD-DED main secure server, the data (this bio) is available.  Saede is working on something along those lines and I think that it would be a lot of fun.  ...Especially considering how nice and un-argumentative Aya is.

Thanks for your input, if you see anything that doesn't make sense or looks to be in error feel free to let me know

-J
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Karmilla Strife on 07 Jun 2013, 03:10
I'm going to try and phrase this in a way that is acceptable to backstage. You have an interesting character, but I wish you would dial things back a little. I personally think that you can have a meaningful amount of drama without murdering millions of people. I say this while playing a Sabik Cartel enthusiast...

I think that you have a very interesting story to tell. However I feel that aspects of it may be exaggerated for storyline purposes, to the point where it stretches the bounds of disbelief. Yes this is a grimdark future setting but I find a problem interacting with a character that records say killed more people than Stalin by age 28. I personally hope that you consider dialing things back a bit and telling your story in a way that is not only interesting and compelling, but fits a little better into what many players view as a reasonable storyline. Please remember that there are more dramatic tools than pity and hatred. I know you can utilize your personal experience to express that.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Anslol on 07 Jun 2013, 07:40
Depends though. If those kills were ship based (as in including crew), then...well, it isn't beyond the bounds for some people.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Sofia Roseburn on 07 Jun 2013, 08:49
I’m going to preface this by saying the following is in the best interests of your character, and I would strongly suggest that you take it as constructive criticism rather than attack on your character/writing prowess. Here are my thoughts.

•   I’m not entirely sure what suicide attacks for the purpose of theft are, but they sound counterproductive.
•   Murdering almost 29 million people is about 6.5 Hitlers, and this is before becoming a capsuleer.
•   Kameiras are shock troops who give no quarter. Unless you’ve gotten those 790,233 counts of inhumane imprisonment in the past four months, no.
•   Genocide/or ethnic cleansing is a hell of a lot more effective from orbit. Of course, you might argue that there is the whole aspect of building retention, but again, Kameiras are shock troops. Genocide is grunt work.
•   Apartheid is legal in the Amarr Empire and several surrounding territories. If it’s outside the empire then fair enough.
•   Kameiras/Operative of the Minmatar Republic, these two are mutually exclusive. Kameiras are brainwashed from conception using a process that has been improved over hundreds of years, and kept completely separate from the rest of the Amarrian populace by the ministries no less! Entertaining the fact that this could, in fact, take place, I strongly question whether CONCORD would approve the capsuleer license for a) a mass murderer, b) a brainwashed child soldier of the Amarr Empire who has now broken said brainwashing and c) shows no sign of stopping. Now put them all together.
•   Kameira training does not begin until late adolescence due to biological augmentation. If you’ve managed all of the aforementioned war crimes in 10 years PLUS downtime for brainwashing meltdown and locational shifts then… Oh, and capsuleer training.
•   Qualified in many hulls since February? This is a no, fact.
•   Combat efficiency or general inexperience in ship combat? Mutually exclusive.
•   Calm and zen like even under the most high stress situations but still has PTSD? Mutually exclusive.
•   “Capable of killing without any emotional or physical signs of build up or any emotional or conscious fallout, indicating textbook sociopathy.” YOU HAVE PTSD.
•   Sociopaths aren’t proud. Arrogant? Sure.

I'd write more but I literally cannot bring myself to put the effort in. Congratulations.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Samira Kernher on 07 Jun 2013, 14:31
Quote from: Sofia Roseburn on 07 Jun 2013, 08:49
I’m going to preface this by saying the following is in the best interests of your character, and I would strongly suggest that you take it as constructive criticism rather than attack on your character/writing prowess. Here are my thoughts.

...

I'd write more but I literally cannot bring myself to put the effort in. Congratulations.

It's not constructive criticism if you put an attack at the end. And in constructive criticism you should be providing positive suggestions on how to improve rather than just negatively pointing out mistakes.

Quote
•   I’m not entirely sure what suicide attacks for the purpose of theft are, but they sound counterproductive.
•   Murdering almost 29 million people is about 6.5 Hitlers, and this is before becoming a capsuleer.
•   Kameiras are shock troops who give no quarter. Unless you’ve gotten those 790,233 counts of inhumane imprisonment in the past four months, no.
•   Genocide/or ethnic cleansing is a hell of a lot more effective from orbit. Of course, you might argue that there is the whole aspect of building retention, but again, Kameiras are shock troops. Genocide is grunt work.

Going to agree with this. Ayallah, when I first read your bio, looking at the crime list just made it stick out as being very 'Mary Sue' to me. There's a lot of 'oh look at what I did, fear/pity me'.

You don't need all of that for Ayallah to be who she is. It makes her come across as being very unrealistic to go that far. This isn't to say that people can't perform such activities, but that people are not put into those kind of situations that often. Remember, the Empire was at peace until 5 years ago. There simply isn't the kind of opportunity for that kind of wideranging activities.

A common writing tip is: "Less is more". Go through your list, pick the things that are absolutely necessary, and discard the rest. Look into depth, not breadth.

Quote
•   Kameiras/Operative of the Minmatar Republic, these two are mutually exclusive. Kameiras are brainwashed from conception using a process that has been improved over hundreds of years, and kept completely separate from the rest of the Amarrian populace by the ministries no less!

They are not mutually exclusive. It'd certainly be rare, and require a very very good reason, but there's nothing that says that Kameiras can never go rogue. There are always exceptions.

Quote
•   Qualified in many hulls since February? This is a no, fact.

Uh, this is visible right in her character sheet (http://eveboard.com/pilot/Ayallah). But being qualified to sit in a hull doesn't mean they're very good at using it effectively.

Quote
•   Sociopaths aren’t proud. Arrogant? Sure.

Semantics. Sociopaths have a narcissistic and grandiose sense of self-worth. That's excessive pride, and it results in arrogance.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Makkal on 07 Jun 2013, 15:10
'Sociopath' is right up there with 'hysterical' and 'sexually deviant' in terms of having a precise definition.

Both OOC and IC, I believe that Ayallah is attempting to be the biggest, baddest bad ass that ever assed a big bad. If she can carry that off in game and get other characters to accept her as such, then that's awesome.

I don't know if that's been successful. I'd say Makkal sees her as a competent foot soldier. Ayallah's made some claims that strike Makkal as outlandish.

For one thing, Ayallah has said the Minmatar Republic knew about an Imperial slave raid on a Minmatar world and send her, and only her, to defend it on the ground. This was part of an initiation test where they didn't expect her to live.

Ayallah has also claimed that she could kill Makkal permanently by sabotaging all of her softclones and normal cloning facilities, even the ones in IRED HQ in null space.

But like almost everything else, I just have my character react as appropriate. Whether this is 'true' or 'factual' in any larger sense doesn't impact how I RP Makkal.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 07 Jun 2013, 20:04

I do apreciate your feedback and I hope I have addressed all of your concerns.  That said there is a difference between constructive criticism and criticism.  I am not sure how a space bio can offend you but you seem to have taken the inaccuracies personally.  Feedback is appreciated, the tone is not.


Quote from: Samira Kernher on 07 Jun 2013, 14:31

You don't need all of that for Ayallah to be who she is. It makes her come across as being very unrealistic to go that far. This isn't to say that people can't perform such activities, but that people are not put into those kind of situations that often. Remember, the Empire was at peace until 5 years ago. There simply isn't the kind of opportunity for that kind of wideranging activities.

A common writing tip is: "Less is more". Go through your list, pick the things that are absolutely necessary, and discard the rest. Look into depth, not breadth.


I am not familiar with the term 'Mary Sue' but this is exactly the opposite of the reaction I wanted to come across. 

As far as the Empire being at peace this is exactly the reason why a covert unit or a shock unit would see so much use.  Aside from the world wars there are always  always more cladestine and unethical operations going on int times of 'peace'

As for the less is more I agree with you and wish I had gone with the orginial draft which included none of the pesky numbers.  I tried to go for realism, as a way to give other charcters a point of leveratge and attack but have achieved the opposite I think barring a rewrite that included [8 charges: yc108 genocide on torkam, 18,000 dead | yc108 akervor 'death camps' 17 pow executions] etc...  Unless I rewrite it and give it that level of depth, really let the nature of the crimes unfold I think it is hurting me.  I was against the idea of vauge because I felt it lacked realism but i think I went in the middle and got the worst of both options. =/

Quote from: Makkal on 07 Jun 2013, 15:10
Both OOC and IC, I believe that Ayallah is attempting to be the biggest, baddest bad ass that ever assed a big bad. If she can carry that off in game and get other characters to accept her as such, then that's awesome.

I don't know if that's been successful. I'd say Makkal sees her as a competent foot soldier. Ayallah's made some claims that strike Makkal as outlandish.

For one thing, Ayallah has said the Minmatar Republic knew about an Imperial slave raid on a Minmatar world and send her, and only her, to defend it on the ground. This was part of an initiation test where they didn't expect her to live.

Ayallah has also claimed that she could kill Makkal permanently by sabotaging all of her soft-clones and normal cloning facilities, even the ones in IRED HQ in null space.

But like almost everything else, I just have my character react as appropriate. Whether this is 'true' or 'factual' in any larger sense doesn't impact how I RP Makkal.

A lot of this is something that I can use the excuse of 'I am new to this' despite however lame that may seem.  It is not easy certainly to get across the point of the character and from what you have said It seems like I am not portraying her as I would like her to be. 

Trying to be a bad ass:  Not really, more of this is my own personal views of 'HTFU' coming through I think though the numbers mistake seems to have expounded this.  I really don't want Aya to be a chuck norris.  My long term goal is Bruce lee.  I will need to work on this and I think I will be able to portray it better in a story rather than in-game for a number of reasons.

As for the slave raid, It was supposed to be something unexpected.  The republic sent her to assist in the evacuation and the Amarr overwhelmed and conquered.  This was supposed to reflect the nature of the war zone at the time.  and again, I think that this can be chalked up to my own poor RPing

As for the killing of Makkal specifically, Aya would never do that it was more trying to hint at the fact that she had participated in operations of that kind. (posing as a station worker, one of the thousands of crew, supplies shipments etc.)

I hope I have addressed as many concerns as possible and a new draft will be up by tomorrow :)  Thank you all for your help and advice, more is always welcome!

Also if you are still willing to help me untangle this bitch, please read over my fiction:
http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=4896.0 (http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/index.php?topic=4896.0)

I would like your iinput and it is always welcome =) don't worry about hurting my feelings,and let me know what I am doing right too ;)
 
-J
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Arnulf Ogunkoya on 08 Jun 2013, 02:54
Ayallah. Mary-Sue is a term from science fiction media fan writing. It describes a character that is better at everything than any of the canon characters and is frequently seen as a writer self-insert. Having seen a fictional description of your character winning, I'd now be interested to see what she is like when she looses.

I am somewhat curious as to how your character broke Kameira conditioning. You seem to be implying that you were captured and put through the Vaklear program. I suppose the people running that might be capable of re-directing her loyalties. You might want to have a chat with Gotti, as his character is an ex Vaklear (not that this is generally known) and is also a product of the HEP.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Samira Kernher on 08 Jun 2013, 03:41
Quote from: Arnulf Ogunkoya on 08 Jun 2013, 02:54
Ayallah. Mary-Sue is a term from science fiction media fan writing. It describes a character that is better at everything than any of the canon characters and is frequently seen as a writer self-insert. Having seen a fictional description of your character winning, I'd now be interested to see what she is like when she looses.

Not so much just being better at everything, but being the center of attention as well--having the story revolve around the character in an unrealistic fashion. Over the course of RPing with Ayallah, I've seen traits of Black Hole Sueing (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlackHoleSue) and Sympathy Sueing (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SympatheticSue).

Ayallah, I don't want you to take these observations personally. I'm speaking as someone who has had my own issues with Sueing in the past (I used to do Sympathy Sueing, in particular. I've since tried to correct my mistakes, and Samira is a more mature and developed version of my previous failed attempts), so it's something I have experience dealing with.

Quote from: Ayallah
I am not familiar with the term 'Mary Sue' but this is exactly the opposite of the reaction I wanted to come across.

As far as the Empire being at peace this is exactly the reason why a covert unit or a shock unit would see so much use.  Aside from the world wars there are always  always more cladestine and unethical operations going on int times of 'peace'

There are, but here's the thing: It's not the same unit acting everywhere all at once. There are many units. The way you have it written now, makes it sound like Ayallah was directly present for every single unethical covert operation the Empire has had in the last two decades. That's why it feels unrealistic.

Again, I suggest tightening it up. Instead of breadth, go depth. Identify one or two particularly important events that Ayallah was personally involved with, and build the character around those events. Those events will be plenty horrible and traumatic on their own, you don't need more than a handful, and having too many such incidents actually lessens the impact. A phrase to consider, "One death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic." That's how it feels looking at Ayallah's crime record--statistics, not tragedies. It's like flooding a market. Tighten it up, consolidate it, cut the fat, and focus on a couple of really important issues. By focusing, you will actually increase the emotional impact.

Quote
Arrogance to me is false sense of worth, pride is a assured sense of worth.  Sociopathy has nothing to do with self worth and Kameiras are told they are special and better and are assured of this simply by their own experince.

Incorrect, narcissism is one of the identifying characteristics of sociopathy according to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist). I would contend that's exactly why Kameiras are told that they are Chosen... that grandiose sense of self-worth that is drilled into them during their training will make it much easier for them to kill their enemies, as they will view themselves as unstoppable and their enemies as inferior beings.

Quote
Kameiras training begins at six, I see no reason why operations could not take place during this time.  As far as the brainwashing, I don't see it like that.  Why would the empire cook someones brain etc?  They are born as Kameiras, their loyalty is bred deep, voluntary.  They know the reality of Amarr and are not lied to, thar is what makes them the very most dangerous, they can't be 'melted' if they truly belive.  Any who weren't true belivers would be washed out of the program, used as target holders or even killed by the other children.  To me that is much more dangerous that ignorance and brainwashing.

That is brainwashing. That's textbook conditioning. And they are lied to. They are told they are Chosen when they are not. Also, you could argue that the religion is itself 'lying', but that's a form of brainwashing that affects the whole of the Empire.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Lyn Farel on 08 Jun 2013, 08:12
Quote from: Ayallah on 07 Jun 2013, 20:04
  • Kameiras training begins at six, I see no reason why operations could not take place during this time.  As far as the brainwashing, I don't see it like that.  Why would the empire cook someones brain etc?  They are born as Kameiras, their loyalty is bred deep, voluntary.  They know the reality of Amarr and are not lied to, thar is what makes them the very most dangerous, they can't be 'melted' if they truly belive.  Any who weren't true belivers would be washed out of the program, used as target holders or even killed by the other children.  To me that is much more dangerous that ignorance and brainwashing.

I disagree.

I see Kameiras education exactly the same way Talibans and Al Kaida train their troop soldiers. You will never see one putting into question everything they are told, for the sake of God [Allah].

Some might eventually fall under pressure from torture, or dire/stressful situations since they are still human, but voluntarily turning against their masters after a sudden epiphany ? I don't think so.

In any case, Kameiras are "brainwashed". Actually no, they are not really brainwashed, since brainwashing implies "washing" everything else to return to a clean slate where indoctrination can begin, and Kameiras are indoctrinated starting in their first years, so there is not even washing in the first place. All they have known is God, their masters, and what they were told and how to think. In a way, it's even worse than islamic extremists that sometimes just have an epiphany and go full jihadi terrorists like illuminated zealots.

It's written nowhere that Kameiras are explained calmy and rationally things about religion. In fact, I don't think that they receive any theological education.

Of course it is not impossible for some to fall between the crack and get captured and reindoctrinated by Valklears or whatever. It's just not easy. Have you ever tried to turn someone indoctrinated since his/her first years into believing something without any compromise ? Especially with religion ? One of the only reasons that person would do so, would simply be that he or she somehow falls to some logical, rational, irrefutable proof of what he/she did wrong... And how do you do that, with someone that is to begin with completely impermeable to logic and rationality itself ? How do you tell someone that what the Amarr do is wrong since they strongly believe it's actually right ? Concepts of freedom, humanist or universal rights are as much as alien to a Kameira than slavery and celestial order would be to a die hard Gallente.

I think however that one of the peculiar face of the Kameira is their total devotion to their masters. As long as the master is an embodiment of God (True Amarr or else), the Kameira will see him or  her as the only true voice of God. And whatever the master decides or how the master behaves, the Kameira will obey without question, since it's the word of God. The Kameira is not educated into rhetorics and theological questionings. The Kameira is taught to kneel before God and molded as a tool for the Lord. A weapon does not question, and like Andrew Ryan said in Bioshock, "a man chooses, a slave obeys".

The only thing they value is their worth as ultimate divine weapons and their loyalty to their masters (and thus, God). A Kameira could not understand free will even if he/she tried to. They would be lost without orders and masters. They are not taught to be self sufficient. They are taught to be dependent of their masters, and are indoctrinated into believing unconditionally into a strong esprit de corps.

So, in order to break all this and transform a Kameira into a singular, self conscious, free entity, would rather need serious and reasonable explanations, since all these traits are the exact opposites of what a Kameira is in the first place : a slave, an ignorant zealot, and a member of a collective of brothers/sisters bond by the blood spilled on the battlefield (they even go so far as burning their dead comrades and put their ashes into their wounds to carry them along, to the horror of their masters).


Edit : the devotion of the Kameiras leaded me on a whim to add a duality to my own character by introducing a loyal, fervent Kameira of her family to stick with her, whatever she thinks, whatever are her true beliefs or faith, whatever everything actually. She is just of the blood of the master he served, and so, a figure above him blessed by God, and so he serves, and never questions. The simple idea that his master (my character) would be somehow going against God's will is heresy, even if it might be the case. It is not for him to question that. Which makes him cling to her like a loyal, unswerving pet where she, at the same time, never asked for this and actually despises him for what he represents, and for his true essence, as well as the reminder of her birth and obligations. Well, at least that's how I interpret all of this.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Lyn Farel on 08 Jun 2013, 09:38
Good luck though, it's not really easy to play that kind of tortured character.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Katrina Oniseki on 08 Jun 2013, 10:25
I'd like to add that retconning can be a very discouraging and unpleasant experience for anybody. I think those above have good advice, and a lot of it is sound. But before you consider excising entire sections of your character's history (if you do at all), consider this:

Sometimes ignoring a plot device is better than retconning it.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 08 Jun 2013, 13:49
First, I don't intend to retconn anything, just polish the bio and make more clear my vision for Aya.  Nothing has happened IC at all that is in any way necessary for remaking the character.

I am not really sure how Aya comes across as the center of attention, I very often feel like a side character in many discussions.  I will try to be more aware of it though, it isn't something I really want or care for. 

Sympathy sueing is something that to me seems like another thing I can chalk up to my own bad RPing.  Sympathy and pity are two things I have never tried to play for nor have any interest or respect in.  I am not sure what is giving off this vibe but it alarms me to hear it said.

I do like a lot of the ideas you put forth but simply put that is not my vision of how a Kameira should be.  To me the far scarier and more dangerous person is one who knows what is up.  Blind ignorance is very unattractive to me though I don't think you were really talking about that.  As for the being 'broken' It is very heavily assumed that Aya is broken.  And yet she still evokes the name of god, she still thinks of home and wishes to return to her old life.  Her faith is to god, not to Amarr.  To the Empress, not to the empire. She dislikes many of the common soldiers and capsuleers on the side of Amarr because to her they are unworthy, the vast majority of Amarr is unworthy.  This is not fully explored simply because they are deep motivations and she is not close enough to many people to talk about them.

In small things Aya is very individualistic.  But every decision in her life she goes to those around her and asks, what do I do, what do I do.  She left Pyre in an istant because someone told her to, she went through with trying to get her citezenship because someone else told her this was a good idea.  The ideas she does have, to return to amarr, to leave empire space, she talks about endlessly, searching for some one to tell her what the right move is. 

As for her 'allegiance' to the republic.  it is not allegiance.  She follows because that is what those around her want.  In reality the Republic pays her to kill things and that was her motivation as she tried time and time again to connect with Amarrians.  She wants to see her people succeed, but is not invested in it any more than she wants to see Gallente or Amarr to succeed.  It is strength she respects.  She is lost, she doesn't know what to do or what is right, someone tells her be TLF so she does but even still she is seeking to return home. 

But she isn't a lost puppy to be sympithized with, she is a terrorist and a predator that has no Idea where to put her energy or what she is supposed to be doing.  If Amarr would have welcomed her back as she expected to be, as a Kameira, she would have converted a long time ago.  As it stands now, of this writing, she has left the TLF in pursuit of another authority to follow. 

Thank you all again for the feedback, I think the greatest part of the community is the ability to come together to help write a character and flesh them out into a person.  Thanks again for helping a newbro out =)

-J
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Nicoletta Mithra on 08 Jun 2013, 19:00
Quote from: Lyn Farel on 08 Jun 2013, 08:12
So, in order to break all this and transform a Kameira into a singular, self conscious, free entity, would rather need serious and reasonable explanations, since all these traits are the exact opposites of what a Kameira is in the first place : a slave, an ignorant zealot, and a member of a collective of brothers/sisters bond by the blood spilled on the battlefield (they even go so far as burning their dead comrades and put their ashes into their wounds to carry them along, to the horror of their masters).

Kameira's are still humans and humans are always, to some degree, 'singular, self conscious, free entities'. No amount of brainwashing can change that, really, nor does the Kameira training really aim at it, because being a singular, self conscious, free entity is of great benefit in a combat situation.

Just my two cents.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Vincent Pryce on 09 Jun 2013, 04:45
Very detailed write-up thumbs up for that. Full of Super-Sue, but that's an easy mistake to make in RP, especially in EVE.

My advice would be limit the grandiose claims until you have few years under your belt and gotten some things done. Characters with impressive track records who get respect for those track records tend to be people whom have actually done a lot of stuff in game both in long building RP and in-space activity. Examples on this are Graelyn and Istvaan, they can make their respective claims credibly that they are the kings of the hill, because they actually are, because they've done things to be there.

In EVE you have to actually create your achievements and track record, not just write one up and expect people to respect it, because they won't, nor should they they have no reason to when there's people who've actually done and achieved by playing and doing.

Take out of this what you will.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Lyn Farel on 09 Jun 2013, 06:29
Quote from: Nicoletta Mithra on 08 Jun 2013, 19:00
Quote from: Lyn Farel on 08 Jun 2013, 08:12
So, in order to break all this and transform a Kameira into a singular, self conscious, free entity, would rather need serious and reasonable explanations, since all these traits are the exact opposites of what a Kameira is in the first place : a slave, an ignorant zealot, and a member of a collective of brothers/sisters bond by the blood spilled on the battlefield (they even go so far as burning their dead comrades and put their ashes into their wounds to carry them along, to the horror of their masters).

Kameira's are still humans and humans are always, to some degree, 'singular, self conscious, free entities'. No amount of brainwashing can change that, really, nor does the Kameira training really aim at it, because being a singular, self conscious, free entity is of great benefit in a combat situation.

Just my two cents.

Never said they were devoid of any last remnant of free will. That's actually why I said it's difficult to turn them, or I would have said it's impossible to convert them. But at this rate we are going to fall into semantics and what is really of the realm of impossible. I had more in mind "improbable".
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Saede Riordan on 09 Jun 2013, 07:36
Quote from: Vincent Pryce on 09 Jun 2013, 04:45
Very detailed write-up thumbs up for that. Full of Super-Sue, but that's an easy mistake to make in RP, especially in EVE.

My advice would be limit the grandiose claims until you have few years under your belt and gotten some things done. Characters with impressive track records who get respect for those track records tend to be people whom have actually done a lot of stuff in game both in long building RP and in-space activity. Examples on this are Graelyn and Istvaan, they can make their respective claims credibly that they are the kings of the hill, because they actually are, because they've done things to be there.

In EVE you have to actually create your achievements and track record, not just write one up and expect people to respect it, because they won't, nor should they they have no reason to when there's people who've actually done and achieved by playing and doing.

Take out of this what you will.

This really.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Lyn Farel on 09 Jun 2013, 08:28
Quote from: Vincent Pryce on 09 Jun 2013, 04:45
Very detailed write-up thumbs up for that. Full of Super-Sue, but that's an easy mistake to make in RP, especially in EVE.

My advice would be limit the grandiose claims until you have few years under your belt and gotten some things done. Characters with impressive track records who get respect for those track records tend to be people whom have actually done a lot of stuff in game both in long building RP and in-space activity. Examples on this are Graelyn and Istvaan, they can make their respective claims credibly that they are the kings of the hill, because they actually are, because they've done things to be there.

In EVE you have to actually create your achievements and track record, not just write one up and expect people to respect it, because they won't, nor should they they have no reason to when there's people who've actually done and achieved by playing and doing.

Take out of this what you will.

Depends what the claims are, even for a historical monument of the Eve History to me. It still has to remain credible and within the commonly accepted rules of RP.

I ain't gonna accept godmodding or the likes more easily just because someone accomplished a lot of things IG. Quite the opposite in fact, since the player does not even have the excuse of being new.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 09 Jun 2013, 09:15
Quote from: Vincent Pryce on 09 Jun 2013, 04:45
Very detailed write-up thumbs up for that. Full of Super-Sue, but that's an easy mistake to make in RP, especially in EVE.

My advice would be limit the grandiose claims until you have few years under your belt and gotten some things done. Characters with impressive track records who get respect for those track records tend to be people whom have actually done a lot of stuff in game both in long building RP and in-space activity. Examples on this are Graelyn and Istvaan, they can make their respective claims credibly that they are the kings of the hill, because they actually are, because they've done things to be there.

In EVE you have to actually create your achievements and track record, not just write one up and expect people to respect it, because they won't, nor should they they have no reason to when there's people who've actually done and achieved by playing and doing.

Take out of this what you will.

I am going to point out again that the term sue isn't really helpful to me.  I understand that there is a massive requirement for time-in before claims are made but I thought I was very realistic about the in-game things that I actually have any power over. 

I really am not sure how else to write the background for a Kameira and the feedback I am getting seems to be of the consensus: don't even try.

I am not sure if that is in fact what you are trying to say but I can tell you that I want to play Aya and I intend to.  She is a Kameira, she has done Kameira things.  Space will catch up.  RP will catch up.  If I played Aya for a year and *then* said I was a Kameira and started acting  like one that would be crazy.  If there is something *specifically* I am doing wrong, please let me know but this thread seems to be descending into saying you sue, you suck, reroll.

Not going to happen, Aya is here to stay.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Vincent Pryce on 10 Jun 2013, 05:30
Quote from: Ayallah on 09 Jun 2013, 09:15
Quote from: Vincent Pryce on 09 Jun 2013, 04:45
Very detailed write-up thumbs up for that. Full of Super-Sue, but that's an easy mistake to make in RP, especially in EVE.

My advice would be limit the grandiose claims until you have few years under your belt and gotten some things done. Characters with impressive track records who get respect for those track records tend to be people whom have actually done a lot of stuff in game both in long building RP and in-space activity. Examples on this are Graelyn and Istvaan, they can make their respective claims credibly that they are the kings of the hill, because they actually are, because they've done things to be there.

In EVE you have to actually create your achievements and track record, not just write one up and expect people to respect it, because they won't, nor should they they have no reason to when there's people who've actually done and achieved by playing and doing.

Take out of this what you will.

I am going to point out again that the term sue isn't really helpful to me.  I understand that there is a massive requirement for time-in before claims are made but I thought I was very realistic about the in-game things that I actually have any power over. 

I really am not sure how else to write the background for a Kameira and the feedback I am getting seems to be of the consensus: don't even try.

I am not sure if that is in fact what you are trying to say but I can tell you that I want to play Aya and I intend to.  She is a Kameira, she has done Kameira things.  Space will catch up.  RP will catch up.  If I played Aya for a year and *then* said I was a Kameira and started acting  like one that would be crazy.  If there is something *specifically* I am doing wrong, please let me know but this thread seems to be descending into saying you sue, you suck, reroll.

Not going to happen, Aya is here to stay.

You miss the point entirely. You need to lay off the defencive kool-aid. I'm not saying "don't play a Kameiras" or even "don't play a badass."  and I'm not most certainly saying don't play Ayallah.

I'll put it in very simple terms;

Start small, build towards the big shit over time. New character making big boasts is not going to be taken seriously and that will just end up in frustration on your part. Most of us oldies have seen this happen to one or more new and excited players.

That was the essence of my message.

PS. Lyn, well... What you are saying is just common sense, dude, and I agree with you completely on that one. However, you missed the point and were not discussing people godmoding. The topic is about having done some shit and having the badges and scars to prove it.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 10 Jun 2013, 10:39
Quote from: Vincent Pryce on 10 Jun 2013, 05:30


You miss the point entirely. You need to lay off the defencive kool-aid. I'm not saying "don't play a Kameiras" or even "don't play a badass."  and I'm not most certainly saying don't play Ayallah.

I'll put it in very simple terms;

Start small, build towards the big shit over time. New character making big boasts is not going to be taken seriously and that will just end up in frustration on your part. Most of us oldies have seen this happen to one or more new and excited players.

That was the essence of my message.

PS. Lyn, well... What you are saying is just common sense, dude, and I agree with you completely on that one. However, you missed the point and were not discussing people godmoding. The topic is about having done some shit and having the badges and scars to prove it.

I guess I may have but you can understand how 'defensive' is how I am playing this.  This thread went from constructive to attacking pretty quick.

And here is the thing I still don't understand about what you are saying, 'start small, build towards big shit over time.' I have.  IC almost 90% of Aya's history is still unexplored.  And how much of this is stuff that can be modified over time?  In my opinion very very little.  If the mistake was publishing a background before the IC RP was there then that is understandable.  If you are saying having this background at all is unfeasible well, there isn't much else you can put for a Kameira who isn't part of the Empire anymore. 
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Samira Kernher on 14 Jun 2013, 15:18
Sorry for delayed response on this.

Quote from: Ayallah on 08 Jun 2013, 13:49
I am not really sure how Aya comes across as the center of attention, I very often feel like a side character in many discussions.  I will try to be more aware of it though, it isn't something I really want or care for.

Couple things.

A) She often speaks as if everything she's involved with is larger than life. For example, the way she was pumping the war in null sec. It comes across as her viewing these things as so important just because she's desperate to be part of something important. Now, it's fine when she does this IC, and it's a great and deep character motivation to play with, however...

B ) It becomes problematic when the bio actually reinforces it, with the amount of things she's been involved with, thus making her claims of being involved with super important events all the time legitimized-by-background. This actually contradicts the way she acts, because if she's part of such important events all the time, they'd be normal for her and so she'd be much less likely to get so hyped for yet another battle or yet another war. If she went through all of the things listed in her bio, then I'd expect her to show more wisdom and experience, seeing every death, every battle, every war as just another notch on the ladder and not something to get hyped about.

Basically, she lacks the jade-colored glasses (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/JadeColoredGlasses) typical of a battle-hardened veteran, instead coming across as an impetuous youth who is still eager for some action.

Due to this, having important events both common in her background and the character trying to get involved with them in the present, makes it come across as if you the player, rather than the character, are the one trying to get involved in really important stuff all the time (this is where the 'center of attention' implication comes from). I'd pick one or the other. Either the character has a wealth of experience and no longer views every fight and battle they get in as the next big thing because such things have become normal to them, or that she's had a fairly quiet upbringing (for a Kameira) and so is desperate for action. And there's nothing wrong with playing the latter. It's okay for a character to have quiet, unimportant, and uninteresting periods in their life, and that having these things helps give more impact to the big things as they provide a contrast. :)

Quote
Sympathy sueing is something that to me seems like another thing I can chalk up to my own bad RPing.  Sympathy and pity are two things I have never tried to play for nor have any interest or respect in.  I am not sure what is giving off this vibe but it alarms me to hear it said.

For one, the amount of incidents she's been involved with. Other players will say this is a sign of badassing, but from what I know of Aya I don't see it that way. I see it more as trying to display the amount of shit she's had to do as a result of being Kameiras, and how that's negatively affected her as a person. It's a bit much, you don't need so many massive traumatizing incidents for her to be as damaged as she is.

The main thing, though, is the way Aya had been previously reacting in-game. She was wearing her emotions on her sleeve, and doing a lot of public wangsting (wangst is defined as overplayed public angst, see this post (https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=3166402#post3166402) on the IGS for an extreme example), seemingly for the intent of getting other characters to take notice of her and help her through her spiritual crisis. Something which, IMO, would be improper for a character like Aya who has almost certainly been raised to avoid showing weakness to anyone. I chalk this up to you being new, so it's nothing to be held against you. We've all done it before. Playing negative emotions is very, very difficult to get right, because it's a delicate balance between making it noticeable enough for other RPers to latch on to, but subtle enough to not come across as heavyhanded.

Aya seems to have recovered from this since then, so that's good. I'm just talking about how it came across, and how you can avoid it in the future. I'd recommend taking cue from how I play Samira... emotional distance and self-destructive activities are often a much better way of displaying internal problems than overt moping, particularly for a character who is conditioned to avoid public displays of emotion. Though keep in mind that emotional distance is also something can be difficult to do right--it's hard to get the right balance of acting normal but "empty" in everything you do. You do seem to have the self-destructive activities down already, with how Aya throws herself into fights and aggressively taunts everyone around her, along with how she often reacts strongly to people criticizing her and has very malleable loyalties due to her trying to impress those people (leaving PYRE in response to the comments she was getting from Republic loyalists). It makes her come across as having a low sense of self-worth, possibly even an inferiority complex (subconsciously believing self to be inferior, and trying desperately to prove otherwise by masking it with displays of strength and power), without her overtly saying it.

Quote
I do like a lot of the ideas you put forth but simply put that is not my vision of how a Kameira should be.  To me the far scarier and more dangerous person is one who knows what is up.  Blind ignorance is very unattractive to me though I don't think you were really talking about that.

No one really knows what is up. We're all molded by the way we were brought up. A Kameira is lied to, this much we know. They are told they are Chosen when they are not, purely to make them feel superior to their (demonized) enemies. They are given an idealized view of the Empire--and particularly, their role in defending it--in order to build a sense of patriotism and willingness to fight and die without fear. It is standard military indoctrination, only taken to an extreme.

I'm not saying that most of what they're told is a lie. While some of it is, most probably isn't. They are probably well-educated in several areas. It's more a manner of how it is taught rather than what is taught. You can say the same thing in many ways, and Kameiras are taught in a way that focuses on the strengths of the Empire and themselves, while the enemies of the Empire are displayed in a bad and inferior light. They are told things that is deemed important for them to know, and kept in the dark about things that is not important for them to know. When your masters can funnel the information before it reaches you, they can present it in ways to condition you to behave the way they want you to behave, even if the information they do present is all factually true. Half-truths are typically far more convincing than outright lies, afterall, because they are actually true, just presented in a way that enforces a particular interpretation. I would expect Kameiras indoctrination to be built on half-truths.


I hope you don't take these comments negatively. You're new to RP, and you acknowledge this, so I'm trying to provide constructive criticism to help you improve. If you feel I'm being offensive in any way, let me know, as that's not my intent.
Title: Re: [Character] Ayallah
Post by: Ayallah on 05 Aug 2014, 23:10
Updated