I am currently in a similar (yet different) situation.
- Firstly I do not think that you are bad at arguing or anything like you always say. I find Kat's answers on the IGS quite composed (not speaking about the "trolling ones" mind you, but the serious ones). The I-RED PR announcements for example, were handled and answered with a good insight and a lot of wit in my opinion.
- As Mal said, you do not need to be a real expert scholar about things your character is knowlegeable about. I always say that if you want to play a mighty combat pilot that is a legend at capsuleer combat, you should definitly be good at pvp for that. In the same vein, if you play a character that is a science genius, you better be good at science. But it does not mean that you have to be a quantum nobel price either. As long as you can fake it and make it sound believable, without sounding clunky or illogical, its ok, I think. Hell, that is what I do with Lyn that is supposed to be a living library. Yet I am sure that a lot of people are a lot more knowlegeable about the lore than myself, I am pretty sure that a lot of people are more cultured than myself (I am 25 IRL, how could I be a paragon of culture ? I do not read 10 books per day). Of course, though, I still play her that way because I have the basic capacities to do it, or I hope so. After all, she may have the knowledge (even if she thinks otherwise), that does not mean that she has the wisdom going along with it. Mal ICly said something that I found pretty nice on the IGS : "You believe yourself to have achieved a higher state of learning but you have forsaken the purpose of learning." Not completely true, still, but pretty close to the true picture. My point is that even a strong feature of a character can be turned into a weakness, a flaw. Make use of that. It is even easier as a lot of us play young characters. Young people tend to be more inclined to mistakes, less composed arguments.
- For the IC/OOC separation, it is not easy, yes. I always feel a little hurt when I read some answers on the IGS from time to time, but then I think I managed to create a good automatic and unconscious reaction that makes me think after a few moments : "Hey, it is not you. It makes the character more interesting and forged through drama, imperfection, and helps to flesh her out 10 times better than a world where everyone are friends." It is not conflict that I dislike. Actually, I think I almost enjoy it for my RP. What I am afraid of, sometimes almost visceraly, is for my character to be litterally ostracized, out of that "everyone is a friend society" that we find a lot on the Summit, for example. It was not the case before, but now considering the current situation on the IGS and the Summit, I have to admit that I am worried, and it stains any RP I can make because I keep that in mind every time and it is not very healthy. I am not sure how it is for you, but I hope your problem is the first issue, and not mine (the latter), because for mine, I do not even see a way to get out of it.
- I sometimes abhor that GSF syndrome that always ends up in "everyone are friends" and eventually in a community of "best buddies" ostracizing people that do not fit in their mould. Seriphyn is a good example of it, and I have never understood why. Rodj may be another one too, considering that most people spit on his posts on the IGS. Somehow, the people that create characters that fit the most to the eve universe and are extremely different from our western RL society and social populist mindsets, are the most vulnerable to being ostracized. I may be wrong, but thats my feeling. Then of course, you have all the marie sues and special snowflakes, but they are another story, the opposite side of the mirror.
So yes in short I understand. It is always a question to find a balance between creating conflict by disagreeing with people, or even more, threatening them, without being seen as the biggest asshole of the cluster by everyone (because most of them are all friends and always agree with each other, and loyalties to friendship go before everything, especially ideals, remember ? :gsf:).