I may have not conveyed what I meant then. You speak about social private circles, I speak about the community in general. I have been in my own nice and warm social circles full of awesome people, and backstage is the continuity of this. Especially in Eve yes, you can find awesome people.
That's the community as large I despise/loathe. It directly conflicts with my own principles as a player that I can't overlook. And when I see fanfest, that seems like a good collection of cheerful and happy people all around sharing the same passion. And then I look back at what is truly ingame around, or on the forums, or even Mittens going full retard at fanfest, and Eve suddenly seriously feels schizophrenic to me.
Well, I'll speak about both really, as I've encountered people in my nice social private circles and the random encounters with 'the community' (plus, without knowing them in real first, the nice social private circles are going to be formed from initially unknown random people). I think the community has changed a lot in EVE since I first started, mind - so that's a disclaimer.
I think it's difficult in some ways to talk about the community 'at large' without generalizing - but yeah as part of the 'gaming community' overall that EVE is a part of there's a lot that's fairly horrific about it as well as good. I'll say I've encountered less shit in EVE than other MMOs (though obviously just personal experience); but the 'full retard' contingent exists as well.
sexism, while an issue, is far from being what the homophobic issue is.
I think they tie in to eachother tbh. Or, not going to say "homophobia is a worse issue than sexism" - just that they're both crappy issues that I think tend to stem from a similar place. Which is deep insecurity often rooted in gender roles (e.g hyper masculine individuals may feel more threatened by the perceived femininity of The Gay in other men)
I wonder, perhaps, if some of that insecurity translates to things like avatars in MMOs (most of which play as straightforward adolescent power fantasies anyways)
because there's dissonance and uncertainty between representation and reality. I mean, I've heard people be pissed off that a female avatar has been played by a guy. Usually because they've hit on them and been rebuffed. Which makes them fearful that they have somehow inadvertantly caught The Gay. The conservation plays out as follows:
person a) *hits on skimpy female avatar*
person b) "dude. I'm a guy."
person a) * gets all defensive, like it's the other persons fault they didn't live up to expectations* "why would you pick a girl to play then? gay."
person b) *gets defensive at accusation* "me gay? you're the one who's going to be staring at a guys ass all day. I pick a girl because girls are hot. fag."
and so on. I take Vic's point that in EVE we *don't* have a girls ass to stare out (well, there's ambulation, but eh) and I do think that mitigates things somewhat. But we still have idiots, and I've seen that conservation played out in EVE as well, honest to god; even if it is only a picture in a chat window. Also, I think for the OP, a really useful thing to do would be to go on to EVE Search and put in certain key terms, as there's definitely been numerous threads about gender and avatars over the years.
(I could try and dig them up at some point if she's interested, as I'm pretty sure I posted in most of them -.-;)
Also as well as it being so normal for being gay to be an insult in games, I remember feeling somewhat dismayed that the forum mods in EVE-O forums were censoring the words "gay" and "lesbian" as offensive words. Which changed, but I think it needed someone with some kind of cred blogging about it to do it. And I get that wasn't necessarily homophobic - I think they had good intentions there; recognized it was so normal and casual to use that as an insult and acted accordingly. But perhaps not understanding by automatically censoring it into '***' that's saying
the only way those words can be used in is derrogatory. Which is...so unhelpful.
The other reason to censor was it's inappropriate language for a teen rated game - as if teens don't have, or aren't discovering, their sexuality
I don't disagree that men deal with stereotypes. I just don't believe that misandry or male stereotyping is a form of sexism in anything but the dictionary sense. It is a distinction between stereotyping or prejudice and the type of systemic oppression that denotes one of the "isms".
re: definitions, my perception of the terms is...you can't have misandry or misogyny without sexism, but you can have sexism without misandry or misogyny, necessarily.
Misandry is hating men. Misogyny is hating women. I'm painting with broad strokes, but I think that's a product of feeling angry and threatened - for whatever reason, and, (much like homophobia) far more to do with you and your own gender issues than the people you're hating.
Sexism doesn't need to involve hate (but can) - it could be antiquated views based on things that no longer seem relevant to a lot of people, gender roles that are stereotypical and restrictive, generalisations that are ignorant, habitual reinforcement from social groups...It's always going to be unfair and should be challenged, but doesn't have to be hate-based on an individual level.
I think someones earlier distinction between 'casual' and 'directed' sexism was really useful. I imagine we all draw the lines in different places in what constitutes sexism from a community; as if asked how sexism affects me I would be purely referring to the directed sexism I've experienced or witnessed. Other things, like certain word choices that have become part of gaming lexicon have seemed like background noise (wrongly or rightly). Where the lines are being drawn is going to depend on the person.
I was talking pretty specifically about the game, and the game itself I think is very gender neutral. Once you get into the community, you're stepping a bit outside the game as far as I'm concerned (but not that you're wrong for thinking it's more important than I do).
How could you talk about your experiences of sexism within a game without talking about the community who plays it, though?
edit: I'd also wonder how you can separate the two; given all sorts of things about the game is going to attract a certain audience, and how the game is played is, or allowed to be played via mechanics or rules, is going to influence behaviour of the players. I think there has to be some sort of symbiosis between a game and its community, even at times if that means the developers and the playerbase end up being at odds due to competing interests.../ponder