Ok, so I have thought a lot about this and I think I am going in the wrong direction. I may have looked unstable to you recently and it may well be the case. It does not change my feelings on the matter nor my opinions, but I also think that I have come to a point where I started to become very misanthropic about everything and everyone, focusing on their flaws to an insane degree while I have been guilty of starting to behave like a bitter ass, no matter how I feel or what I think, online or RL either.
I am often unable to understand the way people think (or the contrary, dunno, may be mutual too) and this is probably no surprise to you. I just tend to find it irrational as hell, and it often is, but also often not always, due to :misunderstandings: and the worst of it, I always confuse both cases. And I bet it leaked out in Lyn's RP since the beginning, considering that Lyn is on some points a gross hyperbole of some of my personnal traits (but not only fortunately, she has her own positive and negative sides). Maybe somehow it is not actually me that bled over ICly through the character, like it can be often expected, but the contrary, the character itself bleeding over OOCly on me.
I may be just disgusted of a lot of things in eve RP but I also tended to make it blow out of proportion and created storms in kettles since I decided to leave. Moreover, I have no right to continue to argue on things I am not even part anymore since then. I also have held the philosophy that everything that happens IC can be explained in a way or another and that every character, be his/her actions be stretched or not, are perfectly credible and explainable, which means that I've always made a very clear separation between IC and OOC and never really argued about anything that happened IC on OOC medias/threads. To be fair, to a point where I always considered debating on controversial things rather unproductive, and that all of this OOC should be argued ICly instead, because if the lore is vague, it is maybe also for a purpose, to allow discussion and debate.
Until recently. I guess something broke irreparably and made me do things I normally never do (like here).
I considered that since Graelyn decided to lock the last thread down - leaving it all but finished, unresolved - I had to open another one with a different approach. Which was dumb and proved to be so, even if I learned some new things and views out of it.
So yes, I tried to be reasonably honest with myself and want to apologize for whatever I may have caused. Not that I changed my mind on a lot of things, but I happen to think that I started to lose my principles and everything related. Maybe I just lost myself on the way the last month. I know that I have always been more or less distant from a lot of bad blood that happened over the years, just being happy to RP here and there, never really willing to cause drama, and I am starting to hate myself for stopping doing so and actually causing it. And at the same time destroying all the relations I have with the backstage community.
I think my greatest mistake was assuming recently that everything had to be perfect, which is obviously stupid and can only cause bad blood and accumulated frustration and bitterness.
It is time for me to fix that.
You can lock the thread if you want.
