How do you balance when you as a player want to do something that your character probably doesn't? When it's a big thing, particularly.
I can't say I've really come across the problem. I tend to play characters that are more personality characters than concept characters, and options that fell on their paths tended to both be agreeable to me, and well within the range of the characters' flex.
How legitimate do you think it is to bend your character's actions towards your OOC wants, rather than allowing your play to follow your character's natural growth and development?
It's legit. In fact, I'm a bit worried for the people who loudly claim their character is in control of their actions, rather than the other way around. I'd stop and analyze how I'd gotten to the point I stopped enjoying what I'm doing. If I'm bored or frustrated with something, imagine how my characters, who
actually have to deal with that stuff must feel, and what they're thinking.
I can see how it can be tough, though - aside from the constant nagging of the Consistency Police, the worst situation is where a bunch of your friends decide to run off and do X, where X is something that you'd want to do with them but doesn't mesh very well with your character's internal logic and development so far. There are no easy answers for that situation, although I like Ciarente's suggestions in that direction.