Ken, I didn't mean that as a criticism
No problem. I didn't really take it as criticism, but see that you are looking for a more substantive attempt at providing an alternative and I'll try to offer one now...
One death is a tragedy, one million are a statistic.
As Senn points out:
you've ended more lives in your first year of killing npcs and egger vessels than the Rwandan genocide.
From an OOC perspective, the ludicrous amount of destruction of human lives that the average capsuleer combat pilot causes in the course of simply running a few L3/L4 missions (and the vacuum in which that destruction typically occurs; you never see escape pods or receive desperate pleas for mercy from rats, for example) can easily deaden the player to the emotional aspects of their character's indifference (if not conscious cruelty) in the face of such death. The casualty figures are so high and the voice of the victims so muted that it is next to impossible to appreciate them in any other way than mathematics.
Cas, contrary to my earlier statement, or rather a refinement to it, I think you're right in that mission text and NPC call-outs in local could be a good way to get across the dark subtext of the EVE universe. In the case of the OP quotes, as Desiderya points out:
the persons responsible just don't care about the loss of lives... [and] are (successfully, without a doubt) portrayed as ruthless assholes
Agreed. The in-flight text has successfully characterized the actors in the story (however inconsequential they may be in the long run).
I consider that a success of the writer.
But with this assessment I do not agree. The writer has portrayed the characters as evil, but the brevity of the dialogue and actions used to demonstrate this quality make them reprehensible in the same way as a cackling comic book villain complete with curly mustache. It is almost as easy to dismiss the impact and meaning of the actions taking place as it is to dismiss the thousands of crew deaths one causes while running a mission. The casual style of the dialogue, I think, is inappropriate when the element of tragedy in the scene derives not from the combat death of starship crews who knew of the risks they faced (and have already been marginalized as an element of emotional importance to the player by the violence of everyday gameplay), but of the exploitation, sexual assault, and death of children.
A better way to handle that might have been to drop hints in item descriptions and agent mission text leading up to the encounter where the facilities are destroyed that made it clear (if not obscenely obvious) the facilities were being used for illegal prostitution of minors, and other assorted crimes, etc. Then, when actually in space at the site and the facilities are destroyed, the writer could have used a distress call in local from a child slave in the seconds before the explosion to put a face on the victim. For example:
Upon entering the deadspace pocket, your sensors intercept low-level data traffic from Pleasure Hub indicating the facility is being used by the gang for rather nefarious purposes.
Overheard from Bloodsport Arena: "Let me take a look at that creature over there. What a majestic specimen... So, how easy are they to tie up?"
Overheard from Pleasure Hub: "The best part about this circus is all the exotic things you meet. I thought you could only get them this young in Amarr."
Overheard from Gallente Outpost: "I asked for the best you had. Look, this one is already growing a beard. I can’t believe how much you’re asking for these."
Overheard from Casino: "I’ll get the money to you tomorrow. I swear I’m good for it. Please, let me see my daughter again."
Then, as the situation deteriorates with your presence and the whatever caused the facilities to explode begins to unfold:
Overheard from Pleasure Hub: "Hello? Is anyone out there? The bad men have all gone somewhere."
Overheard from Casino: "Dierdre, is that you?"
Overheard from Pleasure Hub: "Papa? What's happening? There's this loud banging and everyone is running!"
Overheard from Casino: "Dierdre! Papa's here. I'm here. Papa loves you so much, pumpkin."
Overheard from Pleasure Hub: "I'm so scared, papa--"
*the pleasure hub explodes*
Overheard from Casino: "Dierdre? Dierdre!!"
*the casino and other structures explode*
With the complexes gone, you pick up the former administrators transmissions from their escape craft:
And... we've lost another hub. Do you have any idea how much money that cost us?
Try to be more subtle with your ‘accidents’ next time, Azoen. It’s expensive to replace assets like those.
Rather than simply throwing child sex slavery and other things in the player's local window to be provocative, I have written a
narrative (notice to carry over from the first casino intercept) that conveys the 'grimdark' theme, humanizes the victims, and still portrays the people responsible as callous and evil. I did not, however, use the words "virgin", "screw", or "kids", and I would argue that the more subtle depiction and simple narrative actually adds a great deal of impact and meaning to the scene that it previous lacked.