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Guristas co-founder Jirai Laitanen, also known as Fatal, was podded in YC106, but suffered from severe memory loss and motor impairment because he only had an inferior clone on standby.

Author Topic: [Character] Carmilla D'Morenta  (Read 1333 times)

Carmilla

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[Character] Carmilla D'Morenta
« on: 25 Apr 2010, 10:22 »
Name: Carmilla D'morenta

It's about time this was redone to a more.... up to date version.

Carm






« Last Edit: 06 Aug 2012, 16:41 by Carmilla »
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Ashar Kor-Azor

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Re: [Character] Carmilla D'Morenta
« Reply #1 on: 27 Apr 2010, 13:15 »
Your backstory has a lot of substance that might benefit from a bit pore proofreadin'.

Ish kinda hard to read; there's a lot going on and while the use of spacing is a help, some sentence structure reframing and some work to smooth out the text would help a lot.

Feel free to ignore this, mind - I got the gist of the thing in the end. If you DO have an urge to improve its clarity some, I'll be glad to help you there.
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