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that the Minmatar military specifically recruits hardened criminals for service in its elite Valklear units, and that many of the Republic's most senior officers were originally recruited in this way?

Author Topic: [Character] Carmilla D'Morenta  (Read 1350 times)

Carmilla

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[Character] Carmilla D'Morenta
« on: 25 Apr 2010, 10:22 »
Name: Carmilla D'morenta

It's about time this was redone to a more.... up to date version.

Carm






« Last Edit: 06 Aug 2012, 16:41 by Carmilla »
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Ashar Kor-Azor

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Re: [Character] Carmilla D'Morenta
« Reply #1 on: 27 Apr 2010, 13:15 »
Your backstory has a lot of substance that might benefit from a bit pore proofreadin'.

Ish kinda hard to read; there's a lot going on and while the use of spacing is a help, some sentence structure reframing and some work to smooth out the text would help a lot.

Feel free to ignore this, mind - I got the gist of the thing in the end. If you DO have an urge to improve its clarity some, I'll be glad to help you there.
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