I'm going to hope this doesn't just add fuel to fires, but I feel like I might as well add to the discussion...
There's always going to be a connection between IC and OOC events and chat. The only thing that really changes is the extent, strength, and breadth of the connection. Most of the time, its relatively thin.
The problem is that if you openly admit, "my character is a pathological liar and an opportunistic backbiter," I, and probably everyone else in the RP community, will keep that in mind when dealing with you. My character, and probably everyone else's, will regard yours with caution. Anything they say will be filtered through the knowledge that it's probably a lie. This isn't to suggest we're purposefully trying to break the fourth wall. The problem is, if I/we know your character is capable and willing to betray me/us for their own gains, its going to be hard to say, discuss personal matters; I/we don't WANT my/our characters to get screwed.
Similarly, if you show yourself as a pathological liar and an opportunistic backbiter, the OOC side of the players you're dealing with goes on the defensive. Because they, like their characters, know you're willing to betray them for your own gains, and don't want to get screwed over; moreso, because that affects THEM, not their character.
So, there's the problem as I see it. We may not be our characters, but we certainly care enough about them not to let someone ICly or OOCly cut our throats or theirs.
Yes, and herein lies the difference between RPG's IRL and MMOrpg'S, especially EVE.
IRL, the enjoyment of the immersion in what is basically an internal world, and sharing that experience with others in an RP environment, is important enough that wanting your player 'to win', well is not even part of the objective. In fact it becomes counter productive to the consensus goal of the game (to have fun by mutual immersion in an RPG).
In EVE, it seems almost the norm that the opposite is held true, that wanting your char to 'win' is more important than RP immersion and mutual enjoyment - this turns into wanting to 'win' as a player at cost of RP and immersion, and then in my mind the char just transforms into a sad little puppet to a players insecurity. Immersion is ruined
In an IRL RPG, wanting your char 'to win' and good mutual roleplay immersion have been, in my experience and I am sure a lot of others, mutally incompatible, because part of what makes RP fun is the successful putting aside of your IRL shit, and substituting it for the shit of some fantastically cool (or whatever) imaginary person.
Obviously I don't mean that in RL RP people don't want their chars to succeed, they may often compete with each other to the point of death, or the death of universes, I mean that they are not in competition with the other PLAYERS, so it becomes a bit antisosial to suddenly try to use OOC info to 'win' (although some sociopaths do seem to find this compelling).
On the other hand, in EVE - because of the nature of the game and also the medium through which it is played, it is not so blatantly sociopathic to compete with the other PLAYERS, and so is more acceptable to metagame, or use OOC info to 'win' IC.
For a lot of people, RPing simply means competing with the other players while pretending to be a toon.
For old-skool RP'ers, like me, this comes as a nasty surprise and it is difficult (but important) to remember that they are just playing a different game to you.
That is why the requirements for my corp are pretty much 'anything goes as long as the OOC/IC line isn't crossed' - because that is more important to me than 'winning' - I have learned I am in the minority with this though....