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[Jace]

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[Drakolus]

If nothing else, it works to get my old-man-itis up in arms saying "Damned Kids!"

The only things I can find are the initial few sentences you say parents a lot and I'm kinda wondering where it is all going.  But I suppose if your character is young and somewhat directionless...that's the whole point?

[Nissui]

Out there is an issue which will ignite a fire under her ass. She just needs to find it. 

[Jace]

If nothing else, it works to get my old-man-itis up in arms saying "Damned Kids!"

The only things I can find are the initial few sentences you say parents a lot and I'm kinda wondering where it is all going.  But I suppose if your character is young and somewhat directionless...that's the whole point?

Yeah, part of the point was to imply the directionless aspect. But most of it was just wanting to get the "family stuff" kind of out of the way. This is how it happened, she moved on, etc. But a couple others have mentioned it being odd, perhaps I should rework it.

[Jace]

Out there is an issue which will ignite a fire under her ass. She just needs to find it. 

We'll see how things go. I'm not particularly plugged into the Gallente RP scene, so I tried to leave her rather open to various possibilities as far as Gallente or just a purely independent direction might go.

[Desiderya]

I like.

[Jace]

I like.

Any criticism, things to think about changing?

[Desiderya]

I've enjoyed the credibility. You're trying to balance the points quite well, usually one would expect to read "Graduated top of the class" and "Exceptional talents in area X" or "has murdered 150000000000 people" in one of those writeups!
That said, it's a backstory. Seeing a character in action is much more telling and interesting. So far there's nothing I'd criticize.

[Jace]

I've enjoyed the credibility. You're trying to balance the points quite well, usually one would expect to read "Graduated top of the class" and "Exceptional talents in area X" or "has murdered 150000000000 people" in one of those writeups!
That said, it's a backstory. Seeing a character in action is much more telling and interesting. So far there's nothing I'd criticize.

Yeah, I'm still working out her IC personality a bit. We'll see how she develops as there are more lengthy interactions.

[Jace]

Edit: Added themesong and a second render.

[Korsavius]

I found it to be well written and interesting overall. One thing I found rather odd was that someone with "slightly above average" grades, and a record of delinquency was accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the cluster. Other than that, she seems to be a very interesting character, and one that should be fun trying to figure out her "direction."

[Nissui]

One thing I found rather odd was that someone with "slightly above average" grades, and a record of delinquency was accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the cluster.

I guess you could say she was... grandfathered in.

[Jace]

I found it to be well written and interesting overall. One thing I found rather odd was that someone with "slightly above average" grades, and a record of delinquency was accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the cluster. Other than that, she seems to be a very interesting character, and one that should be fun trying to figure out her "direction."

When reading on the Evelopedia, it seemed like the university was mostly famous more so than prestigious. I believe it mentioned half a million students from a variety of backgrounds. Perhaps I misinterpreted, though?

[Korsavius]

Perhaps not. In any case, it is an interesting fact about her regardless.

[Jace]

Perhaps not. In any case, it is an interesting fact about her regardless.

Oops, I meant half a billion. It mentioned 500 million students, as well as the prestigious students having exclusive societies a la Skull and Bones, etc. So I figured a decent amount of those students could be from poorer backgrounds. Hm.