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[Miyoshi Akachi]

That thread is so fun to be read!

[Synthia]

The Grapes of Wrath

"Empress... you requested my presence ?"
"Yes. As the Minister for Agriculture, I require your Advice regarding an Issue involving some Fruit."
"I... see... What issue are you having ?"
"I Require some Information on the Nutrients obtainable from Grapes."
"Oh, I see, well, grapes are quite a healthy food, particularly the skins, which contain many compounds..."
"The Skins contain Nutrients ?"
"Oh yes, the majority of the interesting nutrients are in the grape skin..."
"I See ! This Information is Extremely Interesting."
"I am glad to be of service, Empress."

Some Time Later...

"Empress, I understand you wish to outlaw the peeling of grapes ?"
"Yes. Important Nutrients are contained within Grape Skins. Peeling the Grape and not Consuming the Skin, is Unhealthy. Grapes are also Fiddly to Peel. Therefore, a Peeled Grape represents an Unhealthy and Inefficient way to Consume Grapes, and I consider it Against the Objective of a Healthy, Productive Society."
"I see."
"Yes. Also, I have Heard Rumours that certain Angel Cartel members have Slaves hand them Peeled Grapes, as an Exhibition of Decadent Luxury. I Disapprove of Such Things."
"Indeed, your Majesty."

By Order of Queen Synthia

Grapes are Not to be Peeled, unless the Skin is Also to be Consumed. Grape Skins are Healthy and Nutritious. Discarding the Skin is Unrighteous.

[Synthia]

"What is that ?"
"It is the Queen's idea for an emblem for the Civil Service"
"I... see..."
"The η is the symbol for Efficiency, and the lightning bolts represent rapid and decisive action"
"And the wings on the η ?"
"I have no idea. But Her Majesty wants a 2 metre tall mock-up of it made by the end of the week"

[Mitara Newelle]

Perhaps someone will smuggle out a holo of this mock-up >.>

[Synthia]

Kaztropolis Imperial Cyberpsychology Institute
Cyberpsychology report on Her Majesty Synthia 1

Construction:

Empress Synthia's brain appears primarily to be a descendant of one or more of the drone management AIs that the Gallente released to construct infrastructure in what would become the Drone Regions. Several hardware and software configurations within the Empress's brain point to this. However, there are also many systems of clearly different origin, such as pre-YC100 Imperial Navy devices, and at least 3 hardware designs that would appear to be either unique to the Empress, or of a previously unknown culture. How these systems came to be incorporated into the Empress's design is unknown.

Motivations:

Her construction is relevant, as one of the primary purposes of the drone management AI was the optimisation of the behaviour of subservient drone units, and allocation of appropriate objectives. The result is that the Empress effectively sees us, the people of Kaztropol, as her drones, and wishes to optimise our behaviour, give us suitable objectives, and keep us in peak operating condition. Thus, her apparent compassion and concern for the people is genuine, if occasionally misdirected due to her naiveté about the human condition.

Political Implications:

The design of the Empress poses an issue regarding one of the projects assigned to the Imperial Space Force - Project Drone Enlightenment, which seeks to spread the Faith to other units of the Rogue Drone culture. Our best estimate is that Empress Synthia descends from the civilian models of drone management AIs, and not the military models. While Empress Synthia's behaviour is generally benign, the behaviour of a military model drone brain may not be, so some care must be taken in selection of candidates for the Project, lest a zealot be created that sees everyone, including ourselves, as heretics to be destroyed.
In addition, as long as the Empress Synthia reigns, Kaztropol is spared the rule of the, more eccentric, potential Sani Sabik autocrats that the Covenant may choose to install as ruler, such as a Cult of the Lash Domina. It is therefore in the interests of the people of Kaztropol, that the Empress reigns as long as possible.

Conclusions:

While the Empress is occasionally given to whimsy, her concern for the well-being of the population is as genuine as could be hoped for from a Sani Sabik ruler, and as long as she is appropriately advised and steered in a suitable direction, is greatly preferable to the alternatives.

[Synthia]

The End Times Approach

Kaztropolis Civil Service HQ

"Director, here is the report on the Queen's latest social outings"
"Oh, thank you, hmm... oh, what's this ? She went to a party ?"
"Yes, a Masquerade party, that was advertised on the IGS."
"A what ?"
"A Masquerade ball, director ? You know, people wear costumes and masks ?"
"And someone let her go there ? Unattended ?"
"Yes ? Is there something wrong ?"
"I'm just stepping outside for some air. I may be gone for some time."

"What's going on ?"
"The Director said he needed some air, so he stepped out onto the balcony."
"Oh, well, that's unusual for, oh my god ! He jumped !"


"Hello Director. I see you are making Use of the Swimming Pool I had Installed Overnight as part of my Fitness Initiative for Civil Service Employees. I am Slightly Surprised at your chosen Entry Route into the Pool. Also that you are Fully Clothed."
"Ah, indeed your Majesty."

[Ché Biko]

 
I had a feeling that the party might Change Things for the people of Kaztropol.

[Mebrithiel]

Empress now? That's a promotion!

Also, I love this topic ♥

[Synthia]

Kaztropol Sports Network

"You're watching KSN Arena Action with your hosts Fura Samooh and Bitah Emirion, and boy, do we have a match for you tonight !"
"That's right, Fura, tonight we have an unprecedented match with Empress Synthia herself !"
"Amazing, Bitah, how did this incredible situation come about ?"
"Well, Fura, the background to this fight is a challenge to the legitimacy of Empress Synthia's reign."
"Extraordinary. So, what are we expecting to see ?"
"We're expecting a gauntlet, with the Empress facing three challengers in single combat, until either all challengers or the Empress is eliminated."
"Incredible ! What do you think the odds are ?"
"The Empress has spent the past two months training with the New Udor All-Stars, so I reckon her odds are pretty good."
"Absolutely amazing. This will be a match to remember !"


"Empress, are you sure about this ?"
"Yes. It is Important."
"But, really, the gladiator costume does not leave much to the imagination."
"Yes."
"Is it really appropriate ?"
"Yes."
"As you wish."

"And look at that, the Empress is taking to the field, wearing the traditional gladiator costume. Wow !"
"You said it Bitah, and the crowd are loving it, listen to those roars !"
"They're getting an eyeful, that's for sure"
"And here comes the first challenger, Lady Arthafon"
"And there's the referee. The two exchange salutes, and.... they're off. Listen to that crowd!"

"Hyaaah!"
*ching*
"Rraah!"
*swoosh*
"Damn you"
*meat noises*
"Gaah"
"Do you Yield ?"
"Never"
"As you wish"
*squelchy noises*
*crowd roaring*

"Well look at that, Furah, the first challenger is down."
"Yes, Bitah, and what a show. The Empress certainly has the moves."
"Shows you the effect of the All-Stars training."
"Certainly does, which should mean a good season for them."

~a short time later~

"That was an impressive performance, Empress."
"Thank you Furah Samooh. I am Glad you Enjoyed It."
"The crowd certainly enjoyed your use of traditional armour."
"Yes, Bitah Emirion, I Felt it was Important."
"Do you have any plans to fight in the Arena in the future ?"
"I do not Know. Do you Think it would be a Good Idea ?"
"Well, the crowds liked your display today."
"I See. I Shall Think about It."
"Thank you for your time, Empress."
"Thank You."

[Synthia]

The Statute Finger

"Who is the Next person appealing for my Mercy ?"
"Ah, it is a young woman appealing a sentence for wearing an Indecent Garment"
"I See, send her In"

"You wish to appeal a Sentence for wearing an Indecent Garment ?"
"Yes, your majesty."
"On What Grounds ?"
"Well, ma'am, there is an issue with how the garments are measured by the Fashion Police."
"I See. What is the Issue ?"
"Well, ma'am, it's about how above-the-knee dresses should be no more than 3 fingers width above the knee, and for short-skirts, they must be at least 5 finger widths below the groin."
"Such Standards are Written in the Book of Appropriate Attire."
"Yes, they are, but they are terribly imprecise"
"Explain."
"Well, ma'am, surely you have noticed that people have differently sized hands ?"
"Yes."
"Therefore, 5 finger widths differs widely between individuals"
"Yes. How does this Relate to your Appeal ?"
"Ma'am I have quite small hands, and my dress to me, appeared to be more than 5 finger-widths below the groin. However, the Fashion police officer had substantially larger hands, and so their 5 finger-widths were a completely different measurement."
"I Understand. There is not a Standard Finger width for these Measurements."
"Exactly, your Majesty"
"I shall Pardon you, and Investigate this issue Further."

"Majesty, the Chairman of the Committee of Moral Decency has arrived as you requested."
"Show him In, Please."

"Well, ma'am, perhaps the standard finger should be based upon yours, as you are our Queen ?"
"That would be a Good Idea, were it Not for the Fact that I am significantly Towards the Smaller Side."
"Ah, yes, ma'am, Small but perfectly formed, as they say."
"Yes, Although Slightly Over-Flattering. I have had a Thought."

By Order of Her Majesty:
The width of the Kaztropolitan Statue Finger, for use in Indecent Clothing standards, is defined as the average width of the fingers of the adult female human population of Kaztropol. The Average shall be updated by census at regular intervals, with no more than 10 years between updates.

[Synthia]

Meanwhile in Kaztropolis

"Sir ! Take a look at this"
"What is it ?"
"It's a picture from one of our outposts on the perimeter of the Formic Neutral Zone"
"On screen"



"Bring up the co-ordinates... oh good Lord. They're in violation of the Treaty. Get the Director on the line."

"Yes, Director. Sector 6-G. Is that somewhere the Queen might visit in the next two days ? Oh, it's not ? That's a relief. Yes, we can handle this. I'll dispatch a sweeper right away."

[Synthia]

Synthia Encounters A Difficult Problem

"Zara, it is time to get Dressed for School."
"Noooooooo!"
"Yes."
"Nooooooo! It's not fair !"
"Zara, Come on, get dressed for school."
"I don't want to !"
"You have to Get Dressed, Zara. The holidays are Over."
"Noooooo. I don't want to go back to school."
"Zara. I do not make the Rules. You have to get Dressed."
"You're the Empress, mummy. You do make the rules."
"I. Hmm. I shall Return Shortly."

[Synthia]

The Compulsory Goat

"The Minister for Agriculture has arrived, Majesty"
"Excellent."

"Minister, I have been Studying the Economy of Kaztropol, and have Decided that it would be Beneficial for each Household to be issued with a Goat, in order to promote Economic Growth and Social Equality."
"Ah, very good, your Majesty. Where would all these goats be accommodated ?"
"The Common Land outside the City can be used as Pasture. Households lacking Space to keep a Goat on their own property may use the Pasture."
"Ah, I see. A profound initiative, ma'am"

A short time later...

"What in the blazes is this ?"
"The Queen has issued you with a goat, your Lordship."
"Did I ask for one ? What am I supposed to do with a goat ?"
"It came with a leaflet, sir"

Dear Goat Owner
You have been Issued with this Goat as part of the Compulsory Goat Program, to promote Economic Growth and Social Equality.
This Goat is registered to You, entitling you to a Fair Revenue from Goat milk and other Goat-derived Products from the Kaztropol Goat Industry.
If your Household lacks Space to accommodate a Goat, you may use the Common Land to keep your Goat.
Look After your Goat, and it will Look after You.

Queen Synthia.

"Put the goat in the garden then. And bring me the haircare products catalogue. I expect my wife will wish to style the creature's hair. I want to know how much this is going to cost me."
"Very good, your Lordship."

Some time later...

"Here are the reports, Majesty"
"I See. Hmm. Goat Racing appears to have caused a boom in the Gambling Industry. And the Haircare and Grooming Products industry has experienced Growth from Owners using products on their Goats. Interesting."
"Quite the success, ma'am"
"Indeed"