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That capsuleers frequently communicate by means of dataprojectors? (The Burning Life, p 30)

Author Topic: Crepuscular  (Read 1229 times)

Korsavius

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Crepuscular
« on: 26 Oct 2016, 00:17 »

Hello, friends. This is an entry for the YC 118 Pod and Planet Fiction Contest. Hope you all enjoy it!

Comments, questions, criticism, and feedback are all welcome, encouraged, and appreciated.

Update 10.12.17: This submission won 2nd place prize in the 8000 Suns category.


Crepuscular

As you descended from orbit, you could squint past the milky puffs of clouds to see an endless wave of green flora crash against an endless horizon of turquoise water. Stepping out of your manmade shuttle, the sights, smells, and sounds of this planet would overwhelm you at first. The canopies of mighty, ancient trees would loom protectively over you, shielding your foreign skin from the harsh UV rays of the host star. The tropical flowers too humble to overtake the throne of the ancient trees would instead offer you a gift of ravishing colors, exquisite designs, and scents of paradise. Even the local wildlife would join in to welcome you with their mellifluous songs and calls in the distance. Yes, the entire ecosystem seemed to welcome us with open arms. We were amazed. We were enraptured. What came at dusk was even more unsettlingly beautiful.

At dusk, and for an hour or so after sunset, the creatures of this world would emit a bioluminescence of varying hues and intensities. Even many of the plants exhibited the same behavior. It is almost like walking in a Gallentean night music festival. And so, we observed in silence as the creatures of the twilight evening went about their business. What was so normal to them was so unique to us. We were entranced by their otherworldly beauty. The glimmers of all shades of reds, greens, and blues. The complexity of the bioluminescent patterns of the creatures seemed infinite. Yes, this was an alien paradise. Foreign, isolated, unique.

That is how it used to be, anyway.

The data and information our survey team collected intrigued our clients. They loved what they heard and saw so much, they immediately started pouring money into our corporation wallet to fund the construction of a luxury resort. It was like a tall glass overflowing the the nectar of the sweetest orchids. So, over the course of a few years we kept building and expanding. Now, what was originally a small luxury resort has turned into a small city of wonder. Boasting a population of over 150,000 now, these folks enjoy living on this unique world. I am the city manager, so I oversee the fixing of many issues which come and go. I do my best, of course, because we have clients we need to satisfy. The tourism industry here has been blooming for quite some time now - something I expect should keep up.

Despite the success of my work, life at home has been rather rough as of late. My wife and I have been experiencing tumultuous times. She says I have changed. She was the ecosystem analyst for our survey vessel. While she greatly opposed the settling of this planet, especially by greedy corporate interests, even she realized this was our job - to find the most ripe location for a bustling tourist city. I also opposed the settlement, but at the end of the day you need to put food on the table for yourself. And now, we even have a little extra to pay for that nice Gallentean hovercar I’ve always wanted. And, well, to enjoy some of the other finer things in life. Life is good now. Or at least it should be. But, I’m not sure why things seem to be falling apart at the seams between us. It’s stressful. And it’s beginning to wear me out.

---

Perhaps the biggest attraction are the bioluminescent life forms which draw in huge crowds. There are a number of theaters around the city which house some creatures, and they perform wonderful light shows for eager spectators. Outside of these theatres, evening tours are common around the areas outside the city which are host to a huge diversity of bioluminescent fauna and flora.

Strange happenings have been occurring lately. There is an unease thick in the air like syrup dripping down a bottle. In a number of recent tours, tourists have been shocked and startled to come upon the carcasses of dead creatures in large numbers. Even the plant life is showing signs of decay. The bioluminescent abilities of creatures protected in their enclosures of spectacle theatres is waning. Twilight hours, which used to be so colorful and alive with the soft glows from creature and plant alike, are growing dimmer with each passing week.

City administration has been frantic and hectic. Analysts and inquiries have been ongoing, all desperately trying to find out why these events have been happening, and how it will affect the economic success of the city. As the city manager, a tremendous weight has been placed upon me to find out what is happening. Our corporate investors have been very adamant about my abilities to fix the situation. If only they knew I had no idea what the fuck was going on. So many of these recent nights have been sleepless.

Is it pollutants stemming from the city? Has human development somehow altered the environment which has had consequences for the plants and animals? Was there some sort of virus introduced into the wild by a rival tourist company? Maybe some previously unknown predator is hunting down the local wildlife?

Around the office one day I heard a subordinate joking about how there is some sort of invisible “crepuscular monster” lurking around slowly killing off the local wildlife and vegetation. With the lack of success in finding out what is causing the mass decay, I am inclined to believe in such a fanciful notion.

---

She left. She just downright got up and left me. Are you serious? Is this for real? Now, when I need her most? We got into a big fight earlier tonight. She kept bringing up the claim that I’m not the same man she fell in love with. The same man who enjoyed long walks in the forest. The same man who laid with her hours on the swaying grass at night looking up at the sky. The same man who one day wanted to start up a furrier sanctuary with her. She claims I’ve changed. My morals changed. And my behaviors changed. She said she no longer recognized me. She said the inquisitive, humble, and nature-friendly Intaki man she fell in love with no longer exists. And then she left. Before I could really reflect on what happened, I got a call in from work. A possible lead, maybe?

“Seriously? You call me at an ungodly hour of the night only to tell me there is no explanation as to why the creatures and plants are dying around us”, I usher with a clearly irritated tone.

“W-well...I’m sorry, sir. But this is really all we have been able to come up with,” stammers forth a subordinate with trembling vocal cords.

“This is a fucking joke and you know it”, I hiss. “Keep investigating, and I want answers by the end of the week.”

“But, sir, I don’t think that’s-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOUR JOB ISN’T TO THINK, IT IS TO DO. NOW GET BACK OUT THERE, AND DO AS YOU’RE TOLD. NOW!”

A terrified expression contorts the subordinate’s blushing face. He quickly collects his things and exits my office. Finally, I was alone again.

I begin pacing back and forth to relieve my anger, stress, and frustration. My office has a large wall-sized window panel looking out beyond the horizon. I stand in front of it, seeing with my very own eyes the fading lights of this natural wonder.

Why is this happening?

I lean my forehead against the window panel and sigh. Memories resurge. Back then, my wife and I would oftentimes take a walk in the forest to collect our thoughts and think of innovative ways to solve the problems of daily life. When faced with no other feasible options, I decided to exercise this old routine.

I ventured out into the cool night alone. The creatures of this world are not violent or especially dangerous to humans, but I decide to bring my rifle with me anyway. I guess it provides me with some sort of comfort. I guess the jokes of a crepuscular monster lurking about have more influence on me than I thought. I take slow steps and deep breaths as I go. I’ve forgotten just how beautiful this world is. I’ve been so busy wrapped up in my work and trying to make a credit that I only now realize just how long it’s been since I’ve actually been out here. What I see is nothing compared to what we witnessed when we first landed here, though.

As I trek deeper into the wilderness, something strange happens. The planets near me flicker with bioluminescent activity. I try to get a closer look, but they simply die at the slightest touch of my hands. Flying insects drop dead as they approach my airspace. Leaves rustle and calls of the creatures echo. Is something following me? Is there really some undetectable monster causing all this? I walk faster. The rates of dying insects and plants around me increases as my pace increases. Is it getting closer? I start running. I see a dazzling spectacle of flickering hues. I trip over a root in my haste. I fall on my flashlight, breaking it beyond repair. I quickly pull out my rifle in a panic, and fire a few rounds to light up the area around me. I don’t see anything chasing me.

Silence. Darkness. Loneliness.

Amid the silent darkness, a lone flying insect lights up the night in front of me. It flutters gently around me. I’m entranced by its beauty. Without thinking, I hold out my palm. To my surprise, it gently flutters down onto my palm. It stays there for what seems like a long time. I pull my palm closer to my face. Suddenly, its bioluminescence also starts to flicker.

“No!” I plead to it. “Don’t you die on me! Please!”

Despite my cries, the little insect slowly passes away on my palm. As its light fades before my eyes, I realize now why these creatures and plants are dying. It was a mistake to colonize this world. I let my greed overrule my morals. My wife’s harsh words are starting to make sense now.

As the insect’s light withers in its final moments, I realize now there is a vile creature roaming this planet killing it slowly.

I am that crepuscular monster.
« Last Edit: 12 Oct 2017, 09:01 by Korsavius »
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Druur Monakh

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Re: Crepuscular
« Reply #1 on: 26 Oct 2016, 08:30 »

I didn't look for spelling errors - just a quick read-through, and I shall read it again more thoroughly.

For my taste, and at first read-through, the ending was a bit too much in-your-face: the revelation about who the crepuscular monster is could be left up to the reader.
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Xepharious

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Re: Crepuscular
« Reply #2 on: 26 Oct 2016, 08:45 »

Generally I really liked it.

[spoiler] I enjoyed how you set up the rich, sensual picture/setting of the planet.

I think there is also a strong theme under this story. You tried to capture the feeling of the decay, the feeling of not understanding it and I thought you did really well with that. I think the one issue that I had trouble with is that in your efforts to build the reveal there seems to be a slight gap: if the scientists, investigators, and even biologists couldn't find evidence of how humans are destroying the planet, how is it that he is? I know this wasn't the focus of the piece but it kinda got caught in my mind as I sat afterwards. [/spoiler]
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Xepharious
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Korsavius

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Re: Crepuscular
« Reply #3 on: 26 Oct 2016, 15:55 »

I didn't look for spelling errors - just a quick read-through, and I shall read it again more thoroughly.

For my taste, and at first read-through, the ending was a bit too much in-your-face: the revelation about who the crepuscular monster is could be left up to the reader.

Thanks for the feedback! :D

I, too, struggled with whether I should go with a more brute force approach or leave it open to interpretation by the reader. I'm generally someone who is more inclined to leave things open to interpretation. However, I decided against this to continue along with the theme of making the protagonist's mental thoughts known and clear. I wanted to weave the realization of his changes into explicit words. His wife was right all along. He had changed drastically. He was too full of himself and his work to realize this, and in the end it cost him his relationship with his wife, among other things.

Hope that explains my thought process a bit! ^_^



Xeph, as for the explanation to your comments, I have two words....spehs majix.

On a more serious note, though, I think this particular chain of events can be left up to the reader interpretation. Maybe the investigators knew all along that human presence on the world was the cause of its slow demise. The truth hurts though, and it would irreparably damage the economic stability of them and the protagonist. So perhaps, the protagonist was unwilling to admit the truth until the very end.
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Xepharious

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Re: Crepuscular
« Reply #4 on: 26 Oct 2016, 21:40 »

Fair enough. :)

I did like it. And I think you are right about leaving some pieces out there for the reader to put together.

I hadn't thought about the fact that they might be lying to him...
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Xepharious
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