So after being absent for nearly another year and being shocked that Eve is still not dead, I decided to give playing a try again, since quitting it last year didn't really help my productivity in the way I'd hoped it would. However, I feel like I've sort of lost track of what I really wanted to do with my character.
I'm kind of a weird person in that I sorta approach roleplay characters like I would any other work of fiction; I write a background, have some themes for them in mind, and plot a rough course for their development while leaving the idea of doing something different following interaction with others open. It helps me compensate for the fact that I don't have a great sense of natural narrative direction. This has always worked for me in the past, mostly because I don't tend to play games for that long. I did this, too, with Gwen, when I started.
But Eve is a lot slower paced and long-term than most MMOs, and as things have turned out, the ideas that I originally had have sort of become messed up. The main reason for this is just how much my sense of taste and enthusiasm for certain types of fiction has shifted over the years, as well as my general emotional outlook, and correspondingly, how I've seen Eve as a setting. When I started off, I was very focused on the cyberpunk transformative internal-drama aspect (and was kind of approaching it in a World of Darkness sort of way), but later became put off by this and began thinking of it as a dark and slightly pulpy political drama, and then later went through a phase where I was into more sappy stuff and tried to play in a sort of optimistic, sparks-of-hope-in-a-bad-world kind of way.
Having stepped back a little bit, I can now kinda see that, even though it might not be super obvious, this has left my character as kind of an incoherent mess that I struggle to know what to do with. Although I've never really compromised her core traits, I've emphasized them to such wildly varying degrees at different times - Sometimes in ways that, in retrospect, embarrass me - that they now feel contradictory and all over the place. The vagueness of it all has left me struggling to commit her to strong opinions or circles without feeling like I'm breaking consistency, which bothers me a lot.
Worse then that, though, I feel like too much of my actual personality has slipped into her characterization. It's natural for any RP character to have shades of their creator - That's a necessity when it comes to playing a single individual for a long period of time - But usually those traits are fairly locked in place, while others divert radically. However, because I've approached her from so many different angles in ways that were, in a lot of respects, governed by what I was feeling or into at the time, I feel pretty much every aspect has drifted a little close. Which has started to make playing her feel a bit weird.
I'm not sure quite how to approach it. I was sorta considering putting Gwen on the back bench for roleplay and making an alt, or just quitting again, but I thought I'd ask you guys. Does anyone else have this sort of problem? How do you resolve it?