Kaylie looked around her quarters, sparkling clean and organized; she couldn’t remember the last time they looked like that. When she closed her eyes, she saw clothes scattered around and in piles, dirty dishes and food containers, a sticky stain on the floor where some Quafe had spilled and she hadn’t bothered cleaning, just kept stepping over it.
Kaylie opened her eyes and stepped to the mirror, her reflection showed her old flight jacket, a tank top, and loose trousers. When was the last time she’d had actual clothes on and not her nightgown? The memory escaped her; all her clothes had gotten dirty, and it was just too much effort to clean them.
She looked at her bed, made neatly, a cute stuffed black bear on the pillow. She smiled at seeing Beatrice Bear, remembering all the days spent in bed hugging her, giving her some small amount of comfort when the world had crashed all around her.
Kaylie looked at the door leading out to the rest of the station, Sortet Fed Navy AP. It had been her home since she had broken up with… her mind skittered away from that train of thought, better not to think of that. Beyond that door were other people, people living their lives: working, playing, laughing, loving, hating….. dying. Kaylie’s eyes prickled with tears, seeing frozen bodies floating in space in her mind’s eye. She shook her head and wiped her eyes, refusing to think about that either, not anymore; she was done obsessing over that.
So much activity in the station, so many people: people staring at a capsuleer walking among them, people to make her feel like a freak. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea for her first day out. She turned to look at the other door leading out of her quarters, the door leading to the hanger…. and her capsule.
“Can I do that? Can I get into that thing and fly? Am I ready for that?” The thought of flying, of dancing through the stars, feeling the warmth of a star’s solar wind on her skin, dodging asteroids and giggling at how close she could get to them, going into warp and that sensation of immense speed and power. Kaylie considered it. She had a shuttle in her hanger; it wouldn’t require any crew to take it out and flex her wings, nobody to put in danger, no deaths on her conscience.
Kaylie chuckled at herself as she stripped off the clothes she had only put on a few moments earlier. Once naked, she tentatively opened the door and looked at the pathway to her capsule. Kaylie took a deep breath, calming her nerves, not quite believing she was going to do this for the first time in over two years.
Kaylie smiled and took the one step that started her journey back into life.