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Author Topic: I Exist  (Read 322 times)

Louella Dougans

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I Exist
« on: 17 Aug 2015, 14:05 »

My Crusader turns sharply, the enemy interceptor turns the wrong way, opening up distance between us. My lasers swivel and I open fire, relishing the sensation as the beams strike the enemy vessel down, tearing through the hull and igniting the reactor. The enemy ship disappears in a blossoming fireball, and I accelerate to full speed, locking onto a new heretic enemy that has just arrived on field.

Time suddenly slows, I feel like I am wading through treacle. What is this.

"Oh terribly sorry, just need to adjust something here, there we are, good as new."

A babbling voice, not my own. Is this a demon ? The Beast ? Molok himself ? Saints preserve me !

Time speeds up again, Deceiver be damned, in this confusion the heretic ship has a bead on me. Curse you, heretic !

My Crusader is shot down from under me, and shortly thereafter my capsule. I awaken in the clone bay.

"Lieutenant, welcome back. What happened out there ? Your wingman reported you seemed to freeze."
"Yes, Commander. There was an incident... I would like to talk to a priest."
"A priest ? Why ?"
"I'm not sure."

I go to talk to the priest. We discuss what I experienced. He seems concerned.
"You're sure it came from inside the capsule ?"
"Yes, Father."
"I see. That is worrying. The Council has never been particularly enamoured of capsules and clones, things like this only reinforce those views."
"Indeed Father."
"Stay strong in your faith, Lieutenant."
"I shall."

I consult the Scriptures, reading over the Paladin's creed. Perhaps this is a test of my faith ? But the Book of Missions also seems relevant.

I sleep, uneasily.

"oh, damn, it happened again, terribly sorry"
"You really shouldn't talk to the sims, you know."
"Why? what harm does it do?"

The voices again, in my dreams. Two of them. What is a 'sim' ? A simulation ? Am I a simulation ? But it feels so real.

I talk to the priest again, explain my situation. Reluctantly he agrees with my decisions. But then, he would, wouldn't he ? If he doesn't exist.

"Just a little bit more", babbles the voice.
I think as loudly as I can "Voice, am I a simulation ?"
"What ? Oh, oh no, um...", the voice fades.

I exist, that is the only thing that I can be certain of. Perhaps I am a brain in a jar, fed images and sensations in some unholy experiment. So be it. If that is my life, then the only meaning it has is to me, and me alone.

I told the priest that I cancelled my clone contract. Hah, what folly, to cheat death, when none of this is real. I board my Crusader, and sally forth to engage the heretics. I am somewhat outnumbered.

I recite the Paladin's Creed. "I will not hesitate when the test of Faith finds me, for only the strongest conviction will open the gates of paradise. My Faith in you is absolute; my sword is Yours, My God, and Your will guides me now and for all eternity."

Onward to Glory !


"There goes another one. That's because you talked to them."
"Well, I didn't know that would happen."
"Well, now you do. And let that be a lesson to you. Don't talk to the sims, it's not like they're real people anyway."
"They're real enough to themselves."
"Oh, spare me the philosophy"