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Author Topic: Informality and the use of first names among strangers  (Read 2414 times)

Natalcya Katla

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One thing that I find extremely hugglefesting on a personal level though, even if not done intentionally, is people calling my character by her firstname. It does not happen only on Eve, but in most online roleplay venues I have been part of. I am not really sure why, maybe OOC bleedover - except for characters specifically designed to be dramatically friendly/buddy/familiar - but even strangers address to other characters by their firstnames. It tends to sound quite wrong to my ears. I just feel the need to ask if they know each other or who the hell do they think they are. Well, my character couldnt care less, but she still finds it a little confusing. Me on an OOC level, extremely confusing, and maybe wrongly, quite buddy-buddy.

This is due to differences in RL culture and language, I expect. I have Katla address people with whom she's not very familiar (and even some of her friends, such as they are) by their last names, but that's something I would find difficult to do in real life and in my own society, unless it was as part of a strictly formalized relationship (such as my year in the military). Having a stranger address me by my last name alone would be somewhat uncomfortable (them using my full name would actually be less so). If they in addition used the Norwegian equivalent of "mister" in front of my last name (those forms of address have almost faded completely from everyday language), that would cross the line into excessive politeness, and leave me wondering whether the person in question was being condescending or possibly about to beg me for a favor of some kind.

This is even more pronounced in Iceland, of course, where there are no (or at least few) family names. I once attended a conference where one of the speakers was Vigdis Finnbogadottir, former President of Iceland. She told a story about what I think was her first attendance at an international conference, where the organizers had indicated her seat with a sign reading "President Finnbogadottir" - which naturally offended her, because "daughter of Finnbogi" is not her name. "President Vigdis" would have been the correct form of address.

Sorry about the derail.  :oops:
« Last Edit: 10 Apr 2013, 12:01 by Silver Night »
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Valdezi

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One thing that I find extremely hugglefesting on a personal level though, even if not done intentionally, is people calling my character by her firstname. It does not happen only on Eve, but in most online roleplay venues I have been part of. I am not really sure why, maybe OOC bleedover - except for characters specifically designed to be dramatically friendly/buddy/familiar - but even strangers address to other characters by their firstnames. It tends to sound quite wrong to my ears. I just feel the need to ask if they know each other or who the hell do they think they are. Well, my character couldnt care less, but she still finds it a little confusing. Me on an OOC level, extremely confusing, and maybe wrongly, quite buddy-buddy.

Mammal calls everyone by their first names because he is an oddball mystic who thinks titles are stupid. Like Dumbledore.

Val generally calls people nicknames like: "Kitkat", "Nutbag" or "Moronface."
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Lyn Farel

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I am not saying that people are doing it wrong by doing so. And I can easily imagine that a lot of you doing it have valid excuses for doing so. I just think that it is not everybody's case. Players naturally tend to call other players by their first names, being more familiar. That's a common thing amongst "youngsters" and people of the same generation. That's even more common on the internet, which is quite anti conformist by nature.

And most of all, we all play a game. Usually, people do not call each other by their formal last names when playing a game together, I think.

One thing that I find extremely hugglefesting on a personal level though, even if not done intentionally, is people calling my character by her firstname. It does not happen only on Eve, but in most online roleplay venues I have been part of. I am not really sure why, maybe OOC bleedover - except for characters specifically designed to be dramatically friendly/buddy/familiar - but even strangers address to other characters by their firstnames. It tends to sound quite wrong to my ears. I just feel the need to ask if they know each other or who the hell do they think they are. Well, my character couldnt care less, but she still finds it a little confusing. Me on an OOC level, extremely confusing, and maybe wrongly, quite buddy-buddy.

This is due to differences in RL culture and language, I expect. I have Katla address people with whom she's not very familiar (and even some of her friends, such as they are) by their last names, but that's something I would find difficult to do in real life and in my own society, unless it was as part of a strictly formalized relationship (such as my year in the military). Having a stranger address me by my last name alone would be somewhat uncomfortable (them using my full name would actually be less so). If they in addition used the Norwegian equivalent of "mister" in front of my last name (those forms of address have almost faded completely from everyday language), that would cross the line into excessive politeness, and leave me wondering whether the person in question was being condescending or possibly about to beg me for a favor of some kind.

This is even more pronounced in Iceland, of course, where there are no (or at least few) family names. I once attended a conference where one of the speakers was Vigdis Finnbogadottir, former President of Iceland. She told a story about what I think was her first attendance at an international conference, where the organizers had indicated her seat with a sign reading "President Finnbogadottir" - which naturally offended her, because "daughter of Finnbogi" is not her name. "President Vigdis" would have been the correct form of address.

Sorry about the derail.  :oops:

Yes, but as far as I know english/american culture still uses Mr/Ms quite extensively, and my own puts even more the emphasis on formalism, and yet I have seen people of my own language doing the exact same thing on other online RP venues. I am pretty sure Japanese players (difficult to find more formal) would do exactly the same either (but I may be wrong).

In the case of north cultures it might be something widely spread IRL, but not here. And yet I see no difference. I think the reason behind it might be different.
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Silver Night

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #3 on: 10 Apr 2013, 12:02 »

[mod]Split from the 'Driving other characters' thread.[/mod]

ArtOfLight

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n culture still uses Mr/Ms quite extensively...

Sadly not the case in my American experience (though it is impossible to classify it all into "American" because America is divided into regions with very different cultural expectations between them. However, in the southeast (the region in which I live), Mister and Missus have pretty much gone out the wayside. You get typical responses along the lines of "Mr. so and so was my dad, not me, call me [first name]." or "Do I look old enough to be a Missus, to you?"

Some people even take it as an insult if you use it. Not that it deters me at all, I still habitually address everyone as Mister or Missus until I'm on a very informal standing with them (friends, at least). My characters do this as well, except Malcolm who simply uses their last name except for his closest friends.
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Vaun Erryk

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #5 on: 10 Apr 2013, 13:13 »

I don't see it that much outside of impersonal and/or very formal contexts in England. Honestly, it'd weird me out a lot for someone not addressing me in some official capacity to constantly refer to me as Mr.; I hear it rarely enough that it just comes across as discomforting outside of work (teaching) or the formal.

As for my characters, I generally had Kyber address everyone by the first names, until someone insisted on a particular form of address -- at which point he'd do the opposite. Vaun was pretty uniformly a user of Mr./Ms., even with other Caldari; I never was fond of using Napanii myself, but if others want to, no skin off my back. Renaud pretty much exclusively employed the campest (and least creative) nickname I could quickly think of.
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Silas Vitalia

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Lyn Farel

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #7 on: 10 Apr 2013, 13:39 »

n culture still uses Mr/Ms quite extensively...

Sadly not the case in my American experience (though it is impossible to classify it all into "American" because America is divided into regions with very different cultural expectations between them. However, in the southeast (the region in which I live), Mister and Missus have pretty much gone out the wayside. You get typical responses along the lines of "Mr. so and so was my dad, not me, call me [first name]." or "Do I look old enough to be a Missus, to you?"

Some people even take it as an insult if you use it. Not that it deters me at all, I still habitually address everyone as Mister or Missus until I'm on a very informal standing with them (friends, at least). My characters do this as well, except Malcolm who simply uses their last name except for his closest friends.

So how do you address a stranger if you can't use Mr/miss ?

I don't see it that much outside of impersonal and/or very formal contexts in England. Honestly, it'd weird me out a lot for someone not addressing me in some official capacity to constantly refer to me as Mr.; I hear it rarely enough that it just comes across as discomforting outside of work (teaching) or the formal.

And places like the Summit or the likes are not formal ?  :eek:

We see strangers from every corner of space coming here. They are not our buddies. I wouldn't address someone I don't know like I would address my neighbor or my coworker...
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Vaun Erryk

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #8 on: 10 Apr 2013, 13:58 »

We see strangers from every corner of space coming here. They are not our buddies. I wouldn't address someone I don't know like I would address my neighbor or my coworker...

I was giving some RL context there; how characters decide to interpret the Summit isn't really my concern. :P
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Anslol

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #9 on: 10 Apr 2013, 14:39 »

So how do you address a stranger if you can't use Mr/miss ?


Depends on the situation. I mean if it's a party or a dinner or outing or something and you're just introduced to someone, you call em by the name they're introduced as. I.E.:

Guy 1: "Hey Michael! Nice to see you here! Have you met Nicole?"
Girl 1: "Hi! I'm Nicole! Nice you meet you Michael."
Guy 2: "Oh Mike's fine. Nice to meet you too!"

Or it could go like this:

CEO 1: "Hey Richard. Great to see you here. Have you met our new Chief Medical Officer here?"
CMO 1: "Dr. Robert Freedman. A pleasure to meet you."
Medical Exec: "Hello Dr. Freedman. I'm Dr. Richard Gorman. Welcome Aboard."

OPTIONAL:
CMO 1 : "Dr. Robert Freedman, but please call me Robert."

It depends on the situation. Normally those above you should be addressed by title unless said otherwise (i.e. Dr.) or you may say ma'am or sir, again, unless asked otherwise.

Initial business/networking encounters should be kept formal to provide an air of professionalism to shine you in a good light.
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Samira Kernher

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #10 on: 10 Apr 2013, 17:12 »

I don't mind if people use first names or whatnot. What they do is their business, and some people are more "naturally informal" than others.

What I don't like, or rather what Samira doesn't like because she's been trained to be excessively polite, is getting told to refer to people informally. When you get in the habit of saying sir/ma'am to everyone, and then get asked to not do that, your sentences begin to feel very awkward and empty.
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Nicoletta Mithra

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #11 on: 10 Apr 2013, 17:22 »

Seems France and Germany are the last bastions of formal address.

That aside, Nico won't address certain people informally. And don't call her lady. <,< That's a "no no" in her book, being a commoner. Other cultures might dilude the natural order and call everything and anything 'lady', but there's a border drawn by Amarr.
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Aldrith Shutaq

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #12 on: 10 Apr 2013, 17:30 »

For Aldrith it's a double-edged sword. As with all proper Amarrians, formality is important to him. If he is formal with someone it usually means he is being respectful. If he speaks to someone informally it either means he fond of them or is insulting them. Meanwhile, he does not put a lot of credence on formality directed at him since he is a commoner Amarrian, but still does care when being addressed by strangers. He does not like to be called by first name if the speaker is unfamiliar or an enemy.

Formality means something different to every character and is dependant upon their individual cultures, social status and values.
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Lyn Farel

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #13 on: 10 Apr 2013, 18:09 »

That's what I find weird, myself, the player. Like people that just doesn't know Lyn at all, just by name. They talk to her like if they were buddies. You know, the countless scenes I have had when she just steps up on the Summit to say something (relevant or not), and then someome completely random to answer "Lyn, it's precisely why..." or "Lyn, that's not what is..."

Something inside me, the player, screams to answer "Huh ? Do I know you ?"

However as I said above it mostly confuses the hell out of me. My character slightly too, but she doesn't care at all. You could call her "Ammatar witch" like Ssaka used to do, that she wouldn't really care, just take note. But considering the education she has had, addressing formally to everyone is rule number 1, and not bowing to someone is tantamount to losing face (like, anyone, even Cael). So, yes, it is obvious that it has to vary a lot between characters.
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Natalcya Katla

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Re: Informality and the use of first names among strangers
« Reply #14 on: 10 Apr 2013, 18:17 »

So how do you address a stranger if you can't use Mr/miss ?

If you don't know their name? "Excuse me." (Or the Norwegian equivalent, anyway.)
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