It had been so long ago...
What I knew to be memory was so far away from me, so out of reach. It seemed more like a dream than anything. I remember my father was there, sitting beside me with his hand resting on my shoulder. We had been in the hospital for hours, as Naomi had awaited going into induced labor.
"She'll be okay son... its almost time. You know I'm proud of you, don't ya?"
That was the first time I ever heard my old man utter those words. It was so heartwarming, so refreshing, that for once, I was in a place in my life that he didn't have scorn for me. The old marine veteran often found a way to detach himself from me and my mother. He was in his own little world for a long time, thinking about the glory days of when he had a rifle in his hand, and went all across the galaxy to fight for the Federation. The change in him became so natural, that I can't recall when it happened. I only know that when my mother passed away, the only thing that ever made him smile was finding out his grand-daughter was on the way.
And here we were...
I was scared, shaking in my shoes, scared to death about the new life that was soon to be apart of my own. But even more scared that something would go wrong, that she wouldn't be healthy or she would be hurt. My fathers words though, as they always did, brought me an internal security that was undeniable. The old man cracked a final smile as he stood to his feet, and offered his hand to me. I took it and rose to my feet as well, and he stood before me, placing both his hands on my shoulders. "... I always dreaded bein' called grandpa, you know?... but now... bein' here with you. Can't wait to hold the lil' cuss..." He said with a grin, eyes darting over to the doctor as he made his way from the operating room.
"Revan, its time." The doctor said with an assuring smile. I looked to the doctor and gave him a firm nod before looking to my dad once more. "... see you in a bit, pops."
I was in scrubs, looking rediculous as all hell. That final walk to the operating room brought a sense of adrenaline in me. A fear for what was behind those doors. An understanding that from that moment, my life would be different from then on. I walked through them, and saw Naomi. She was red in the face, panting heavily with a strained face that was only a minor display of the pain she was actually enduring. I held her hand tightly in mine, and watched the doctors as they began to recieve the child.
"Alright, Naomi... you're doing great. Now, lets get another good push. Breathe!" The doctor demanded peacefully, and after a few moments, and a pained moan from Naomi, the doctor delivered the child.
It was motionless, it did not breathe. My heart began to pound with heartache and fear that the worse was here. That my child may not make it. And in a quick second, that felt like an eternity, the most wonderful sound came to my ears. The sound of a crying child... the voice of my baby girl who began to move and kick about in the doctor's arms. They cut the cord, and wrapped her up in a white towel, moving over to the bed once more, and Naomi had the brightest smile on her face, as tears glistened down the sides of her cheek. Then, in that moment, she looked more beautiful to me than she had ever been before. I began to cry... I sobbed shamelessly so happy to hear that she was healthy, and that everything was going to be okay.
That was one of the happiest days of my life. I think about it often, out here, where I am alone. Lost in a void of eternity. It shines brighter in my heart than any star. It warms me more than any sun. To not touch them, to not see them, to not hear their voices, is the closest I can come to the gates of hell, but its with the hope that I will one day see them again that I continue on throughout this universe. Drifting, like the barren masses if only for the purpose of their own unexplainable existence.
My story isn't special... I'm no hero, and I never aspired to be one. I picked up my rifle not because I wanted to prove my worth to my nation... I picked up my rifle, because I had to provide for my family. I needed to ensure their security, and their safety. In knowing this, I too could feel secure. They say that when you fall in love, your ambitions... your dreams transform. By nature, we as humans are a selfish people, but when a heart is given to another, its amazing what one would sacrifice for those they love. With that being said... I may never see home again. I may never hold my little girl in my arms, or feel the amorous touch of my wife. Her warmth. Her love.... Her soul.
They say that we are immortal... we are only shadows. An echoed shade that repeats itself because humanity found a way to break through the laws of nature. My immortality... my eternity... it will live on through my daughter, and her line. My only mission, my only ambition... Is to be her guardian angel. To keep her safe from the harsh universe beyond her world.
And to keep my scars from infecting that said world. Because of this... I can never return home.
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Topic: Eternity (Read 895 times)