I've just read it, very good! It is similar to
http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/For_the_State_(Chronicle) this.
But it is again, one-sided. It shows only one side, that will suffer, and doesn't show another - attacker.
Start with attacker. Show him as a regular capsuleer. Or even show him as one of best capsuleers. Convince watchers to imagine themselves as a main hero. Let them think, that he is a real hero. That he is an ideal, that they are striving to become. That the task is hard to do, and he is fitting his ship, and have doubts on success, that he is in a suspense, but is assured it has to be done for greater good, to destroy despised enemies, and that he is desperate to get required money for new supercapital, because his CEO is about to hang him for not having supercapital yet.
And then
BOOM!
I could try to write it myself, but Im afraid, that my language skills are a bit lower than required for a literature level