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[Seriphyn]

Bit of an agony aunt question here, but would appreciate opinions which are disconnected from the situation.

Basically, there was an individual I had been RPing with for over six months; very high quality stuff, by far the highest in terms of creative/worldbuilding quality (naturally, we were friends too). Recently, however, we had a falling out over a disagreement of their presence in a certain community channel for a certain kind of RP. Suffice to say they were probably looking for the excuse they needed to break things off, feeling the RP had run its course. Unfortunately, they were never really direct about that (and have proven themselves to be quite economical with the truth)

Recently, they have gotten involved with a player/character (who is currently banned from OOC/Summit) who has sent death threats, harassed, and generally behaved "illegally" to a mutual friend of ours. The trouble is, is that  they are fully aware of this, and are deciding to interact with them regardless. This person has no honour and can go from being friendly to someone, to plotting against them at a drop of a hat.

Question is, is do I tolerate this, or just let it be? Granted, I do feel bitter for the other person cutting things off in such a horrendous way after so long a period of interaction. And the matter will probably come around against them anyway. It appears that one of us (me) is a bit clingy to their online friends, while the other believes that the Internet is the Internet, and dropping people at one's own accord is acceptable. But this IS the Internet. Does any of this really matter, and should sleeping dogs lie?

Are the two approaches compatible online? (to also take a general, non-personalized approach to the subject)

[Graelyn]

Hire someone to blow them up. 

[lallara zhuul]

Treat the players like real people.

If you are a glutton for punishment and have self-confidence issues, then let them walk all over you and hope that they will change.

If not, then you know what to do.

Just a few life tips:
If you know a friend is a liar, then most likely that friend is also lying to you.
A friend that is around only because you give them something, is not a friend.
People will walk all over you if you let them.

\o/ Brekkies! \o/

[Senn Typhos]

Hire someone to blow them up. 

That one.

[Myrhial Arkenath]

True friends are those people who you may not talk to for several months, but when you do, it all falls naturally into place and nobody feels bad about it. You can both 'test' your friends by it, but you should also strive to be that friend, so less clingy may be needed. If you are unsure, just talk to them, say you feel you are clingy and you don't want that to be negative, see if they mind and all. Although, some people may be too nice and say they don't mind when they do Still, with true friends, I've found things always fall into place naturally, even after the most heated disagreements.

[Seriphyn]

Hire someone to blow them up. 

Made me grin.

Treat the players like real people.

If you are a glutton for punishment and have self-confidence issues, then let them walk all over you and hope that they will change.

If not, then you know what to do.

Just a few life tips:
If you know a friend is a liar, then most likely that friend is also lying to you.
A friend that is around only because you give them something, is not a friend.
People will walk all over you if you let them.

\o/ Brekkies! \o/

Applies very much so to this situation, thanks.

True friends are those people who you may not talk to for several months, but when you do, it all falls naturally into place and nobody feels bad about it. You can both 'test' your friends by it, but you should also strive to be that friend, so less clingy may be needed. If you are unsure, just talk to them, say you feel you are clingy and you don't want that to be negative, see if they mind and all. Although, some people may be too nice and say they don't mind when they do Still, with true friends, I've found things always fall into place naturally, even after the most heated disagreements.

This makes me think in general (and I think others should mull it over too) on the state of the pursuit of an online and offline life. Why is pursuing an online life ridiculed? Is it because it is not 'real' with physical human interaction? But on the other hand, you still feel real human emotions, no matter how disconnected you are to it, if someone swears at you or posts, say, compromising pictures of yourself, you will still feel anger. Having an imbalance of online socialization over offline has severely stunted my ability to interact; not in the overt sense, I can still talk to people, engage in conversations, am quite outgoing blahblahblah...but more things regarding overanalzying, overthinking and so forth

I recommend getting one's hands on "The Entire History of You", from the Black Mirror 3-episode mini-series by Charlie Brooker. For Brits, it should be on 4oD right now. It basically looks at what happens when you combine a Tivo-like memory recording/playback system with the human mind, with anyone able to look back at past events instantly. Think of when someone overanalzes anything from text messages, emails, to chat behaviour; then apply that to RL visual memories. VERY good stuff.

[Caellach Marellus]

who has sent death threats, harassed, and generally behaved "illegally" to a mutual friend of ours.

Not sure about the rest, but have this person reported.

[Katrina Oniseki]

The posting of this thread has likely ruined the chance for reconciling between you two. While the rest of us may not know who your mystery friend is, they certainly do. Complaining in public about it is not the way to go if you're looking for some way to make things work out.

At this point, your best option is to just walk away. It doesn't really matter how it affects them, because it's affecting you negatively, and you owe it to yourself to stay out of toxic situations more than you owe it to your friend to 'be nice'. There are other people to RP with, other people to 'worldbuild' with, and there are other people to be friends with.

Let this one go before it gets any worse than it already has.

[Gottii]

who has sent death threats, harassed, and generally behaved "illegally" to a mutual friend of ours.

Not sure about the rest, but have this person reported.

Uhh, yeah, if this is OOC and not IC, have the person reported.  Other than that, follow the above and you should be great.

[Seriphyn]

Actually, the person that was "threatened" did get reported. GMs said they couldn't do anything about it, despite chat logs and such.

Not really sure how the policy work, but is was strange, given the scale of the perpretrator having "acquired" RL details through online information.

[Esna Pitoojee]

Actually, the person that was "threatened" did get reported. GMs said they couldn't do anything about it, despite chat logs and such.

Not really sure how the policy work, but is was strange, given the scale of the perpretrator having "acquired" RL details through online information.

As I understand it, GMs are only allowed to respond to things that occur in non-leavable channels (i.e. local, corp, militia/alliance, etc) and specific CCP-hosted channels (i.e. Help, Alliance Tournament, etc). Beyond that, the assumption is that it can be worked out between the channel owner and other involved parties.


That said... I don't think this is a case of deliberate malicious intent. Personally, I have a none-to-high opinion of the "harasser" here, based on my interactions with tem as well, but I don't think your fried is trying to throw it in your face by "hanging out with the bad crowd" either. That said, I agree with Kat that at this point the best thing you can do is walk away from it and just stand clear for a while, let the air clear - whatever happened, it's unlikely anything can be gained by pushing it (this goes for everyone involved as well).

[Silver Night]

[mod]There is a line between asking a general question inspired by a specific situation and just talking about someone in a way that drags a private disagreement into the public. This thread crosses it.Please don't insult people - even if you are leaving them nameless except for giant clues who anyone familiar with the situation can figure out. Please resolve private disputes privately.  [/mod]