On the whole, I like it. It's much more about the experience of playing EVE: in this case about community, consequences, and the heart-thumping, hand-shaking adrenaline rush when, especially as a new player, you stretch to do something that matters for your community that you're not sure you can succeed at, and the
fiero when you do succeed. It's a solid package. (Okay, okay: "... even if I, as a Kiwi, find it a bit corny".)
If I were to tweak it it'd be to strengthen the visual hook anchoring the opening words:"We built something great. We weren't going to let them destroy it." The station was just scenery, and while telling us there was something important covered it off intellectually it left me a bit "So what?" about why the later fight was important. I'm struggling to come up with a visually-meaningful and true-to-EVE way to show station-building (or sov-holding, or whatever), though; maybe the makers had the same problem.
Snippets:
- I did twitch at "We had no idea what was coming", wondering what their intel division was up to if they had "no idea". But as a frontline grunt I guess that's how it plays: we trap, they counter-trap, and this time they decided to commit something we weren't expecting or prepared for.
- As a newcomer I would have heard "'Ceptors" as "Sceptres". Not that "Interceptors" would have meant a whole lot more to me back then.