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[Lyn Farel]

Our beloved Church of Providence Intelligence and Righteous Truth (CPIRT) branch has revealed, with help of the Imperial Pharmacy certain truths about mysterious and evil entity, called Sleepers.

Imperial Pharamacy has conducted sevral highly classified operations deep within wormhole space in order to reveal the diabolic plan behind the Sleepers, and if they posses any threat to our corporation, to Providence region and or our mighty Empire. After careful study, we can all take deep breath and relax, since our analysist clearly indicates, that sleepers posses threats mainly to themselves.

CPIRT has divided sleepers into three catogory. We have also managed to build a plans, how to defeat each of these classes or fleets of them.

1. Small sleepers: Small sleepers are most numerous of all sleepers. They are fragile and their agility is about the similiar of Omen class cruiser without any manouver module installed. They have one inferior weapon, which cause almost no damage at all.

Small sleepers ofter travel in mighty swarms in order to hide their inferior abilities. They like "ambushing" industrial ships and other logistic ships, since they posses no threat at all to combat vessels. Altough CPIRT were divided if small sleepers are able to lay abushes, since it is often easy to tell atleast 10 minute before when and where they arrive.

If you are in industrial ship, like Procuer, and you choose these small sleepers to let ambush you, do not panic! Small sleepers are cowards, and you are able to defeat them if you know what to do. First, sleepers will surround you. They will be everywhere, and they will pound and howl at you with their inferior weapons. When surrounded, try to maneuver your ship aggressively towards closest of sleepers and same time send your combat drones to attack them. Most probably all of the slepers will retreat before your shield are belove 87%

If caught with ship that has no drone capasity, you should equip your ship with small weapon, and use it against the slepers. Fear not, for strongly armoured industrial ships, like Bestower class will surely hold together until you can clear your path or drive the hellspawn back to their holes.

2. Medium Sleepers: Medium sized sleepers are the most inferior of all sleapers. They lack firepower of the large sleepers, and numbers of small sleepers. They are almost as slow as a Orca class Industrial Support Capital Ship (ISCS) but contain much less armor, and does not have shield at all.

Medium sleeper weaponry is similiar than small sleepers, and they try to use similiar tactics. Snce they re much slower, it is almost impossible to get caught by them, even if wanted, since most of the spaceship captains does not have patience to wait for them.

If you do get caught by them, do make yourself comfort, take a glass of amarrian spiced wine and enjoy the show. Even if you, for some reason CPIRT cannot fathom found yourself a losing side, it is very easy to outmaneuver medium sleepers and fly away. They do not deploy any kind of EW, ever.

3. Large Sleepers: CPIRT has also revealed fearsome large sleepers. These abominations are about the size of large battleship, and can move at maximum of 12km/s

Large sleepers hold very large amount of armor, and their shield capasity is almost equal of Prophecy class battlecruiser. Their firepower is almost equal to Apocalypse class batleship, equiped with 2 siege missile launcher.

Sleepers deploy these large sleepers only to the most fierce and important fights, where they must break stong fortifications, like starbases or big gatecamps. Besides their inadecute firepower, their rarity makes achieving those goals almost impossible.

Never large sleepers travel in more than 7 sleeper fleets, since they are so very rare an valuable to the sleeper cause, which is something evil. 7 large sleepers might posses some threat to all industrial ships, and even lone battleships, but resolute defence will hold them at bay. Hitting to them is very easy, since they are incredible slow, and their hull is made of inferior materials, which makes targetting them easy. Indeed, it is almost impossible not to target them, and it is completely impossible not to hit at them.

CPIRT is not worried at all because of the sleepers, since it is clear now they does not posses any threat to us at all.Fighting the Sansha menace is much more important cause to use our supplies, and we should not spare thought no more about the sleepers. We deal with them when we see them, but we should not waste any more resources to counter the threat that does not exist.

[Merahl]

Vaari amuses me, and I don't even have an Amarr alt. Can you imagine if he did podcasts?

I would listen to those.

[Casiella]

YouTube!

[Cmdr Baxter]

Our beloved Church of Providence Intelligence and Righteous Truth (CPIRT) branch has revealed, with help of the Imperial Pharmacy certain truths about mysterious and evil entity, called Sleepers ..... (condensed for sake of brevity)

Someone give the man a cookie. He's going to solve the galaxy's mysteries for us, one problem at a time.

[Akrasjel Lanate]

When i was reading it i was like  and  and 

[Esna Pitoojee]

I swear, these are getting better all the time.

[Victoria Stecker]

I had a good laugh. I am liking Vaari more and more these days.

[Cmdr Baxter]

Vaari strikes back ...

Today, 06.08.113 our mighty and righteous Church of Providence declares the edict, which is aimed to bolster the defence of the Providence region. It is called Peasanstorm.

Peasantstorm is act of defence, which can be used in time of crisis. It can be regionwide or local, and Church of Providence does not hold authority when it come of calling the peasantstorm. Holder alliances each holds individual right to call peasantstorm in their areas whenever they feel their sovereignity is threatened by invaders.

Usually Providence is defended by military oriented spaceship captain, but peasantstorm obliges all captain to take part in local defence. It also provides them means to do so.

This holy edict forces all Providence holder alliances and their member corporation, and also independent corporations which live in Providence to do serval things:

-All holder alliances and/or their corporations will provide free tech 1 battleship or battlecruiser to their non military members, which is ment to use solely on times of Peasantstorm. Mentioned ship is provided at once, and after that, new ship on every 6 month, if pervous is not destoroyed.
-All holder alliances provide one capital ship, carrier or dreadnought to the Peasantstorm navy once in year.
-Independent corporations will provide free battleship or battlecruiser to their every member to used in peasantstorm in every 8 months.
-Each holder alliance holds authority to call Peasantstorm in their own controlled space, when their sovereignity, or authority is threatened.
-All residents of the area under edict of Peasantstorm are obliged to use their stormship to its defence.
-Provided stormship is to be stored within corporation main living area in Providence. It must be well equiped and maintained. It is illegal to use it any other purposes than to fulfill your role in times of Peasantstorm.
-Every provided stormship must be named as "Stormship"
-Peasantstorm can be declared on maximum one week at the time. If needed again, premission must be granted by Church of Providence, or Defesores Fidei
-Imperial Pharmacy is relieved from all Peasantstorms, except region wide.
-All available peasants must take part of their local Peasantsotrms and they must use their own stormships to do this.
-Peasantstormers are not professionals, so local military leaders must provide guidance to them in form of fleet commanders or other leadership during storms.
-Once Peasantsorm is ended, the Peasantstormers will recieve new ship soon as it is possible, if their last stormship were destoroyed.

Now, I do have to say that I'm really liking the typos and edicts in this one. So artfully-placed. Who knew a ship could be pervous (which I'm assuming to mean perverted)? And soon we'll have 1000+ ships named "Stormship" floating around Providence, if he has his way. Being the wise religious leader we all know him to be, Vaari evidently knows how to roll in style, which leads to this reaction from one of his fans.

[Merahl]

Now, I do have to say that I'm really liking the typos and edicts in this one. So artfully-placed. Who knew a ship could be pervous (which I'm assuming to mean perverted)?

"Pervous" appears to mean "previous", given the context.

[Cmdr Baxter]

Now, I do have to say that I'm really liking the typos and edicts in this one. So artfully-placed. Who knew a ship could be pervous (which I'm assuming to mean perverted)?

"Pervous" appears to mean "previous", given the context.

I knew that, but prefer my interpretation better. It gives the entire speech more color.

[Raphael Saint]

I quite enjoy the term "Peasantstorm."

[Raze Valadeus]

I, Lord Vaari, earl of Sosan VII, golden mountain, world most beloved hero, archbishop of the Church of Providence, carrier of the heaven's light, self proclaimed prophet, speaker of unquestioned truth, defender of Providence, hero of the Providence's peasantry, liberator of the Providence, founder and despot of the Imperial Pharmacy hear only two calling. First comes from the high heaven, and secon is from her majesty.

Now, you know someone is either compensating for something or trying to make their point stand out when they spend more time introducing themselves than actually saying what they're trying to say. 

http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1564067&page=1#9

[Lyn Farel]

You can't reduce the introduction titles. This would not be suitable and be a severe breach of protocol.

Has Vaari some Ammatar ancestors or something ?

[Gottii]

Vaari reminds me of pro wrestling.  Its so crazy and over the top, it has to be all made up.  But, a part of you cant really help but wonder "Is some of this actually for real?"


Also, Ive found this song really adds to reading a long Vaari post.  Sets the mood I suppose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDeFBrS0BKI

[Cmdr Baxter]

Also, Ive found this song really adds to reading a long Vaari post.  Sets the mood I suppose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDeFBrS0BKI

+1  F---ing outstanding choice!