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[starblink]

Hi!
Please take a look at one of my intro paragraphs of my story

The stench of death filled The Renaults cavernous interior . The bodies were strewn about in piles haphazardly, some missing legs or arms or heads or torsos. The damp climate of the cargo hold gave host to a number of parasitic fungi, bathing the dimly lit confines in a pale warmth. Far above, the creaking moan of the hull could be heard faintly, intoning a grave melody for the dead travelers aboard. A gentle shudder reverberated from the aft side of the ship, rolling a few of the bodies lethargically from their piles to the cold floor below. It was rhythmic, a macabre melody that had been replayed a countless times over. But now a new noise emerged. It came from the far side of the cave, a staccato tapping that broke the moody silence of the room; where, underneath a pile of bodies, a slender arm nudged its way free.

What I am trying to improve here is the flow of the sentences. I wanted to make this the very first paragraph of my story but I don't know if it will be successful. I wanted to add a sense of suspense to the beginning of my story, to make the readers interested in what is going on to help drive the first chapters of my story forward, but I am struggling to keep the ambiguity needed while still giving a quality pacing and build to the last sentence. I tried to go heavy on the imagery but if I overdid it I would not be surprised. Also the middle of the paragraph seems to not flow together real well, but I probably am a little biased against myself. Please tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree? Any improvements?

PS The paragraph sometimes describes the environment as cave-like and sometimes as a ship. The reason for this is becuase I originally wanted to describe it as a cave, and then reveal it 3rd person subjectively to actually be a ship from the "survivors" point of view. Don't know if tat is going to work out either 

[Ember Vykos]

The stench of death filled The Renaults cavernous interior . The bodies were strewn about in piles haphazardly, some missing legs or arms or heads or torsos. The damp climate of the cargo hold gave host to a number of parasitic fungi, bathing the dimly lit confines in a pale warmth. Far above, the creaking moan of the hull could be heard faintly, intoning a grave melody for the dead travelers aboard. A gentle shudder reverberated from the aft side of the ship, rolling a few of the bodies lethargically from their piles to the cold floor below. It was rhythmic, a macabre melody that had been replayed a countless times over. But now a new noise emerged. It came from the far side of the cave, a staccato tapping that broke the moody silence of the room; where, underneath a pile of bodies, a slender arm nudged its way free.

The stench of death filled The Renault's cavernous interior. Bodies were strewn about haphazardly, some missing legs or arms others missing a head or the entire torso. The dampness of the cargo hold played host to a number of parasitic fungi that bathed the interior in a dim warmth. The moaning of the hull could faintly be heard as it played a song for the dead from far above. Gentle shudders accompanied by the dull thuds of bodies hitting the floor added to the macabre melody that had been playing for the last few hours. Adding to the music a slight tapping emanated from the far side of the room where a slender arm was slipping free from underneath a pile of bodies.

That's how I would put it. Hope that helps.

I think describing it as a "cave" within the ship works pretty well.

P.S.

Do want to read the rest of it.  

[starblink]

Thanks for the advice, I took some of your suggestions and it does indeed flow a lot better! thanks! 

The stench of death filled the dark cavernous interior . Bodies were strewn about haphazardly, piled in morbid clumps fanning out from the center of the room. The damp climate of the chamber gave host to a number of parasitic fungi that bathed the confines in a pale amber glow. Far above, the creaking moans of the ceiling could be heard faintly, droning out a grave melody for the lifeless travelers below. A gentle shudder reverberated from the far side of the room, rolling a few of the bodies lethargically from their piles to the cold floor below. It was rhythmic, a macabre melody that had been replayed a countless times over.
But this time, a new noise joined the morbid tune.
 It came from the far side of the cave, a staccato tapping that broke the moody silence of the room; where, underneath a pile of bodies, a slender arm slipped its way free.