It's been a while since I last wrote. Putting the wolf-queen back to sleep wasn't that hard. She was flashy, but her "tactics" consisted of throwing draugr at me. I've seen better. Not even very good draugr. Of course, there were plenty of them, but still, when she finally animated her own skeleton, it was pretty much an anti-climax. What did make this whole episode interesting was that this entire sequel was conducted in catacombs under the city of Solitude. Personally, if I were going to be burying a powerful necromancer, I would not do it under a major city, or a town, or even a village. Somewhere remote and preferably with a locked door comes to mind. The ancient nords had the whole barrow thing, for example. Not the worst idea.
After that, I decided that I needed to continue with my preferred business of alchemy. It's been quite enjoyable, traveling through the wilds of Skyrim, collecting herbs and various reagents for experimentation. It's also made me a master of Destruction. I didn't really start out with that intention, but it turns out that wandering the wilds of Skyrim is a really excellent method for discovering a virtual cornucopia of things that want to eat you, murder you for money, or kill you just because you are there. bears, Sabre-Cats, and wolves all figure prominently in this collection of homicidal maniacs.
On a related note, besides excelling at alchemy and destruction, I realize that I've come to be very casual about killing. Some of this is because of the above, I think. But it's also true that nearly being executed gave me a bit of a different perspective on things. I used to believe in Imperial Law, in order. And then, because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and because an Imperial Captain couldn't be bothered to correct things, I almost lost my head, and but for a dragon attack, would have.
Which means that things like Imperial Law, like order, like justice...don't really matter. Not unless you have the force to back it up. And if you have enough force, you don't need to follow the laws of others, the order others try to create. You can make your own. You can challenge a High King. You can rebel against dragons. You can crush the grasping hand of a weak empire.
So, when I found an Imperial patrol bringing in a Stormcloak soldier for interrogation and execution, I killed them. When I found a Thalmor patrol, I told them I was a worshipper of Talos, and when they attacked, I burned them alive. And the next patrol, and the next, and the next.
I visited an orc stronghold, and there found a shaman who wished my help in speaking to Malacath. They had a weak chief, so Malacath gave him the quest of killing the giants that had infested Malacath's shrine. While the chief tried to slip by every foe, I killed. While the chief hid, I killed. And when we found the final foe, the chief - I will not record his name - tried to escape his test yet again. I refused, threatened him with flame, and he faced the giant. And because he had always been so weak up to this point, when strength was needed, he was wanting. The giant crushed him with a single blow.
But I, I killed the giant without taking a blow. And when I returned, Malacath himself called me the only worthy one of the entire assembly. I, a Breton and a mage, not a warrior. Why? Because Malacath and the Deadra understand what I came to understand, deep inside, when my head was on that block - that I was there because I had lacked the power to enforce my will on reality. That in the end, what mattered was not good or evil, love or hate, order or anarchy, but simply power.
In any situation, there is a level of power against which no tactics can succeed. This is, perhaps, why the dragon-born exist: to dominate. To be a singular entity of force and power around which events, people, and prophecy are forced to flow. The anomaly, the unbreakable rock in the gears of pitiless fate. To break cycles, dam streams. To be an agent of chaos to order and an ordering agent in mindless chaos.
Or perhaps not. But I think it to be so, and so let me see if I am correct, eh journal?
I still haven't made my way back to Isran or Delphine. Feh. Let them stew.
I did, however, join the Mages guild. I'm a bit ahead of the other students in Restoration, Alchemy, and Destruction. On the other hand, it turns out that there actually is a school called Illusion. Who knew? I jest. Nonetheless, I am but a novice there, and also in Alteration and Conjuration.
Anyway, we discovered some sort of sphere in a Nordic ruin. From the books I retrieved from some conjurers, the orb appears to be magical. Yes, obvious, but that's also all we know. Which is why I'm off to Mzulft, a Dwemer ruin. I'm excited - I've never been in one before.