I know I wasn't able to do much, but I hope I was able to help some ICly "after the fact'. In the real world, people do not come back after this and do not have the chance to play the Ozzy and Lita Ford song *after the fact*
From an external perspective, both IC and OOC watching the character Diana (as I just gave Arista my brain on this stuff), she was WAY into the danger zone of acute disassociative disorderwith an IC suspicion on PTSD -- to the point where that little "not feeling myself lately" is leading to self mutilation, disruption of normal thought processes, Dark Nights of the Soul (feeling disconnected from a followed religious framework), disturbed sleep patterns, and contempation - and attempt at completion - of the act of suicide.
She hacked of all of her hair (which is a sign of self-mutilation and a visible non-verbal cry for help - this is a military woman who is to carry herself with decorum - not only her mental image but her physical image as well... and she attacked her own head with a pair of scissors), she was drinking heavily at every opportunity in which it did not interfere with Duty (well, because Caldari, and the strongest ritual behavior are the last to collapse in diassociation before fugue or worse) and *static, cough, noises*
.
When Heth went outlaw she went from an angry, desperate, vicious woman to suddenly friendly and happy and calm (as calm as DK gets) -- a sign that to someone who doesn't know what they're looking at, appears to be "hey, they're going to be okay", "Ah, she finally stopped being nuts" "She must have gotten a clue" - things along those lines.
The truth is, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what's going on.
The person had reached a focal point in the period of of their disassociation in which they have conciously or very close to surface subconciously made a decision to die -- therefore, they are no longer angry, they no longer have fear, they're no longer worried about their issues... they seem happy, they seem to be returning to normal "ritualistic" behavior like going to work, they are suddenly much more friendly / caring to their friends and associates, etc. The most difficult decision they have been wresting with in their mind in a disassociative state, which is "Why am I even here.. is there evn a POINT to this?" is decided. They are empowered, even if all they have empowered themselves with is the right to die. i don't know the percentages of switching from ideation to planning but you can ding
The statement comes quietly. Rationally. It might feel ike the only rational thought the person has had in weeks not repetitively reality-tested in the person's head. You go from "What's the point of this room? What's the point of this chair? Why have thr Spirits bandoned me?" to " ... I need to just die. :casualfacebrain:". It is hard, very hard, to say no.
As the decision has been made, the stress is gone - now the next step is just managing to make it happen. Usually within a week or two. Diana Kim, again from an outside perspective, was perfectly on schedule to die or make an attempt with a VERY high chance of success.
Diana was AFRAID to die though (As player points out, and it was pretty visible from RP).. She was, in a lot of ways, afraid to be wounded at all (hence she just went for her hair, which doesn't hurt to cut off). The adrenaline of combat is what allows her to handle ombat. She NEEDS it. The more exprienced of a pilot she gets, the less adrenalin that she NEEDs, she gets, the more her body tanks on serotoin levels that dropped through the floor due to mental trauma (in DK's case, I'm 90% sure it is not a gentypical lower production or accelerated uptake level, but accelerated uptake caused by trauma.)
However, she lives in a rather fatalistic society where death administerd by another (even if it is serving them the cup of tea) is an appropriate answer for dishonor - and her personal sense of dishonor likely (and I think player confirms this up there somewhere) was amplified wildly and unfairly by her mental state. A Caldari chooses to take it.
Regardless of what she wanted as a human being, as Caldari, this was the accepted answer. There seems no concept for forgiveness. I'm not even sure if there a concept of mercy. There were people on IGS discussing her like she was a unit of livestock. She was just a hunk of meat being yanked back and forth as a "valuable state commodity" who needed humanity from her ownn people, even in some minute level, so badly that it hurt to watch even OOC. Have some grimdark!! (obv, I hve idea of anything said IC behind closed doors, but something whispered will havefar less effect than something shouted.)
Arista REALLY tried to get to her in time without violating the space, and paradoxically (is that a word?) the "freedom" that Diana needed, basically because the "help" she was getting was basically imprisonment as damaged goods to be used for what she was still capable of and to hell with her issues (outside perception again, I'm just a fluffy Khanid after all). Others had tried to get to her but they were throwing rational arguments at a person not thinking rationally and just making her walls higher and higher against them, and welll DK.. sometimes losing said arguments to the point of wakin naked in a vat.
Thing is, I am "that creepy Amarrian lady" (
hehe ) so when a Caldari psychologist showed up in the Summit and Diana seemed comforted by them and even PUBLICLY asked to set a time with them (GASP CALDARI SCANDAL TO ADMIT WEAKNESS), I assumed the issue under control. It was her last public cry for help I saw :/
This too long for me to even go on abut it anymore save to say DK is a badass RPer to have followed eveything that would have happened pyshiatrically so perfectly and yet sbo so "un-obvious" about it that like RL, if you didn't know what you were looking at, you wouldn't know what you were seeing save "Oh.. there does Diana again" .. yes. There she goes, indeed!!!
*hugs*
Disclaimer: I only play a psych in EVE. I carry no actual degrees in it. I have also stayed in a Motel 6.
Author
Topic: Fate of Diana Kim (Read 7278 times)