Toc is sitting at the table in his favorite bar. He has been drinking all day. Drinking and doing Vitox, a combination of Vitoc and Frentix, his favorite but not his only vice. Although he's young, 29 years old, he looks pretty old, like most male Amarrians do. He is contemplating his next move as ship's captain. Business is ok in high-sec, but it's become a little boring lately. The tales of riches to be had in low security space, which are common subject for our regular alcohol escapades appeal to him very much. He imagines himself sliding down the enormous pile of Vitox that ISK which will soon be his will buy him. And then working his way up the hill, but this time with his nose. His bladder is swollen. Must be that seventh keg of that sweet-as-sin Minmatar ale. Of well, what can you do. To the toilet to make room for some more.
On his return from that place where even alliance leaders go on foot, he bumps into....an angel! She is gorgeous! She is even prettier than his salvaging destroyer, and that's no small praise.
'Hello princess. Is your daddy a thief,' confidently asks Toc. The girl looks very confused and slightly irritated.
'No, why,' she replies as she is deciding whether to call for CONCORD officer or to simply hit him in the face with her purse.
'Because it seems like he stole all the stars in New Eden and put them into your eyes.'
Diane, that's the girl’s name, feels a strange combination of emotions. Irritation, food-poisoning sickness and mild curiosity.
'May I buy you a drink? Don't tell me, your favorite drink is Sex on the beach?'
Is this guy for real? , thinks Diane. But he is kind a cute. And I'm horny.
'Why not', she replies, 'I have time. Funny you mentioned my daddy earlier. I'm waiting for him to pick me up.'
***
Nobody told Toc that her daddy is two meters tall, one meter wide and all-tattooed Brutor. He looks like he could mine moons with his bare hands. And he drinks strongest liquor legally obtainable as if it were water. In one hour they sat at that bar, he alone drank as much as an average teenage party of ten people.
'Bartender! Give me another bottle! We're celebrating! My daughter just met this nice Amarrian slaver! Maybe he will be so kind to take me as his butler. Oh, will you noble sir?'
Her daddy has such a nice personality.
'Don't joke like that, mister, I'm against slavery. I'm more into drugs.' If Toc thought that will be funny to daddy, he was very wrong. He just gave him a stern look, drank his booze and stood up.
'C'mon Diane, that farm of ours won't take care of itself. We got work to do.' She stood obediently, gave Toc a shy smile and left.
Well, there goes my chance for happiness, my ticket out of hazards of space, my shot for a family life I never wanted, but most folks d,o so it must be the right thing do to, thinks Toc.
Feeling kind of down, he went for a keg with his hand, without really looking. And felt piece of paper under it. On the paper was written: Farmville farm 1337, 19.00 tonight, D.
A joy that he felt only when he found and killed faction spawn suddenly overwhelmed him.
'I have a date', Toc screamed with his full voice, not realizing that whole bar turned their eyes on him.
'And I have hemorrhoids, but you don’t hear me bragging about it. Shut up!’
Toc didn’t even hear the bartender cursing him as he hurried home to get ready for tonight.
***
Toc is looking good. He's put on his best outfit for tonight: black trapeze pantaloons, the only thing his father had left him, pink waistcoat of the latest Caldari fashion, and leather boots that someone told him some people called 'cowboys' used to wear long time ago. He is somewhat nervous so he quickly takes another line of Vitox. All set!
When he finally finds farm in Farmville (which isn't on any holomap, by the way), he is very impressed. Sheeps! Sheeps and cattle beyond count. Wow, Diane is shitting ISK. I struck a 10/10!
And there she is, looking like a gift sent from the heaven. Her hair is flowing like a Zephyr riding the solar winds and her dress is...well, a little peasant-like to be honest, but it emphasizes her breasts, which are huge.
'Glad you could come,' says she .
'I wouldn't miss it for a Slave set. You look gorgeous!'
'Why thank you. Did you have any problems finding the farm?'
'No, not at all,' lies Toc.
'C'mon, let’s go to the barn.'
She puts the blanket and two bottles of wine on a haystack. She invites him to sit next to her. After half a glass, she is totally drunk, and by his fifth glass, Toc is a little drunk also.
'Let's cuddle,' she demands.
'Ok,' Toc complies.
After five minutes they are making love. And oh boy, does she moans. No, it's not the right word. She screams so loud that Toc thinks that dead will awake.
'Oh, Toc, you're a big boy, aren't you! Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!'
'Shhsshh. Your daddy will hear us.'
' I don't give a fuck. Now be a good boy and let mommy ride your Titan.
Toc is a little confused. I guess that's normal for country girls. Diane rides on.
***
Three months later, Toc is thinking on committing a suicide. But as he is immortal pod pilot, that could prove to be a little difficult. So he must think of something else to escape this hell. And hell it is.
Every day he must get up at dawn, then take care of the sheeps until the lunch. For lunch, corn is the main ingredient. Corn pie, corn cake, fried corn, cooked corn, corn salad. And Toc fucking hates corn.
Then after lunch, he must work with her daddy who is always totally drunk. One day, as they were unloading manure from the truck, he fell down on the stinking pile, and when Toc tried to help him up, he pulled him down with him and yelled 'Manure fight!!!' and started to grab it with his bare hands and rub it in his face. Toc smelled like shit for three days. Blood Raider torture chambers sounded like spa vacation at that moment. And in the evening, insatiable Diane is draining him of what little is left of his precious energy. He would have left a long time ago, but daddy threatened to feed his body parts to the pigs.
Toc has had enough. A cunning plan forms in his head. I will have Ludi call me for some important mission, and then I will leave forever. I heard Period Basis is wonderful this time of the year. It's a simple but brilliant plan, what could possibly go wrong?
***
A phone rings, and Toc quickly answers.
'Oh, hi Ludi. No, no, I have time. A mission? What mission? I see, well that is one in a lifetime opportunity. I will get ready immediately!'
Daddy is overheating laser from his eyes which are burning through Toc. Diane is looking at him as if she knows she will never see him again.
'I must go, my friend Ludi called me for important mission. I must go for two days top. No more, I promise.'
'Don't go, Toc, bwaaaaaaa....', Diane cries, waterfall pouring from her eyes.
'I must, baby, I will be back in no time, you'll see'. Toc is doing his best to look sad, but in his heart the joy reigns and he would like nothing more than to storm out from the farm this instant while singing loudly that Minmatar Liberation Front song 'The chains are broken' .
'I'll miss you honey,' lies Toc as he's packing his shit.
***
Toc is flying his Harbinger through low-sec and whistles happily. I had done it! I'm free from that life-sucking sex machine and her psycho daddy forever! Shovel that shit by yourself, asshole!
Toc puts ship on autopilot and starts to make big Vitox lines for himself. He's celebrating, today is a big day.
He hears something behind him. He's all alone on the ship. What could it be? He slowly turns and almost falls from his command chair.
His worst nightmare is right there, not two meters from him. Chaos Incarnated, The Barer of Sorrow and Grim Reaper all-in-one, is looking right at him. Daddy has somehow sneaked on a ship!
' You filthy slaver, you're on no mission. I knew from the moment I saw you that you are worthless son of an exotic dancer. Time to pay your dues', says Daddy, madness in his eyes and a sharp axe in his hand. The stench of alcohol is radiating from him.
'No, daddy, you see, I must pick up Ludi in low-sec, he has lost all his ships to Blood raiders and....'
'Silence, you maggot!! Let's see how your skin holds against this axe.'
'But daddy, I...' Toc doesn't know what to say but no words would probably be of use with this drunken tyrant. As daddy starts to charge at him, axe raised, Toc closes his eyes and starts to pray to his Amarr god.
Daddy stagers, slips, and fells down. Toc, realizing his head is still in place opens eyes. Daddy lies face-down on the deck, unmoving. Toc slowly turns him. The axe has stuck through the middle of his face, making him look prettier. A moment of confusion engulfs Toc, then a sense of freedom then happiness.
Toc starts to laugh like he just won Chribba’s lottery.
***
As Toc slowly steers the ship away from the frozen corpse he jettisoned few minutes ago, he's thinking what a strange thing life is.
Who would have thought that all the dangers that pod pilots are facing every day will be so appealing to me. Who would have thought that perils and uncertainty are things which I crave for? I started a quest for happiness , thought I had found it, but the fate proved me wrong. A man doesn't know he is happy until he replaces that which he loves with something which he thinks he will love. The quest is over!
Whoa, my head hurts from so much thinking. Let’s find some action!
He sets course in the unknown direction and snorts another line.
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Topic: [Ciarente contest submission] A quest for happiness (Read 816 times)