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[Saikoyu]

I really shouldn't be doing this, considering I'm not even in game now and probably own't be for a while, but eh.  Oh, not Dust 514 related dispite the title.  Anyway, something I jokingly put together, and then decided if I could actually make it work in EvE, so consider this the test case.  There will be about six of these logs, and yes, there is a joke in them.

Fake Edit:  When I was looking up my account info for this, I realized that I started playing EvE over six and a half years ago.  And I've only not played for about a year over that all told.  Kinda amazing.

Second fake edit:  I'm writing this on the fly, later this week I'll go back and edit it when I have the time.  In the meantime, sorry for the typos. 

Entry 1:

My lantern is currently recharging from last night, but there is still enough light to come through the tent walls and let me write this.  A'kua and Chantal would laugh if they saw me now, using actual paper and an actual quill, like some historical Galente drama.  I am fairly sure that the quill is a replica and has never seen a fowl except in passing, however, it felt like the best I could do at the time.  Its not like there are any birds I could get one from here. 

I had to leave again, I begin to think it is in my nature, to leave when I come to face with something I do not wish to see.  It was the ground this time, I could not stand to live on the ground, to only see the plain deserts of this planet, this rock.  The others have fit in, A'kua most of all.  She even has a bar started for the local workers.  The night before last she made me talk about this.  She can always see through me.  She made me admit that I miss space, miss the freedom.  I think she knows that is not all I miss about the pod, but if she does, she seems to know that I am not ready to tell her that.  But she did suggest that I get away from it all, "just you and your thoughts," she said.  Then yesterday morning, she helped me pack, flew me out to a local desert with nothing around for miles, and help me set up, before spending the first night with me, though I admit we did not sleep much.  And then this morning, not very early, she left. 

So here I am, in a tent in the middle of this lifeless desert, with supplies, an enviromental suit, and an emergency comm unit to call for A'kua to come out and pick me up when I am done "finding myself."  But maybe admit to myself is the best way to put this, since here, I can say this. 

I miss being a goddess, being immortal, bringing wealth and fortune at a whim to those I wish to help.  And I miss the terror, the destruction, the bloodshed.  The power at my command as I warp in to destroy these mortals who I willingly sacarifice on the altar of my fortune. 

I have tried sin and sacarifice, but I can not change or escape what I am.  I am a capsuler, a goddess, a creature tearing free of old morality and old views.  A being who brings death.

And I like it...

[hellgremlin]

Likey so far.

[Saikoyu]

Entry 37:

I think I am going mad.

I have heard it said once that the mad believe they are perfectly sane, and that the sane feel likwise.  It is only when you are halfway down the slope between one and the other that you question your own mind. 

I admit to myself that I am a killer.  That I have killed hundreds, thousands.  And that I liked it.  And what do I do?  I spend the next month trying to deny it.  Is that the action of sanity? 

But I am afraid, still afraid, that A'kua will leave me, even though she is a capsuleer now, one who has also killed, even though she knows me, knows that I kill, had even found me with true bood on my hands.  I still think of her as pure somehow, my one true good deed to my name, my salvation from being Amarrian.

But there is no salvation from race, no denying blood. 

Blood...

I tasted blood once, in that game I played for the lives of slaves...  It was rich, choking.  I knew it was wrong, even before I knew what it was.

I wonder how mine would taste?

I think I am going mad.

[Ava Starfire]

I am really liking this. Keep it up!

[Saikoyu]

Thanks for the comments. 

Honestly not really sure where this is going, but it seems to be a fun ride so far, and I'm glad people are liking it.  Hopefully I'll think of more soon. 

[Katrina Oniseki]

I came here expecting dairy and dust. I left pleasantly surprised, and with a new mental note to brush up on my reading comprehension.

[Saikoyu]

A'kua,

As soon as I return from here I will find a witness to make this legal, and then I will send it to you, after I leave.  I hearby leave Rho Dynamics and all corporate assets in your care.  Take care of them please, as you are able.  I am sorry that I am leaving it to you like this, but our paths are leaving each other, and I can no longer stay.

Yes, I am leaving you. 

I know all the trite phrases that the Gallente would sell us, and many of them are true, no matter how many times they have been used as lies before.  It is me and not you.  You have been a wonderful partner, a magnificant lover, a comforting friend and I hope you will be again to someone else.  And I hope that whoever that person is, she or he (I've seen you look, and I don't blane you, so did I) will treat you as well as you treat them.

I am the one who has changed.  I am the one who can no longer love you as I have no love left in me.  Maybe I was never ready for being a capsuleer.  Maybe all Amarrians just go mad one day.  Maybe all those horrible stories they tell in capsuleer training are true, and as you die you bring a little bit of something else back with you until you are gone and only it is left.  But I am drained of love, or compassion, or caring.  The memory of myself is horrified that I could not love you, only use you, and in honor of that memory is why I leave.  In honor of that memory is what makes me focus on what I have decided to do.  And that memory is sorry for hurting you.

I know you don't want to read this any more, but I ask that you do, just a bit longer.  In case what I most fear comes to pass, you know, what I talked to you about that one night, open file "reprise" on my computer.  it has instructions and coordinates.  Take them, take who you need to save, and run.  I hope that there will be enough time left, but at least it will give you a head start. 

Saikoyu

OOC: Yeah, Sai's gone crazy again.  And no, I'm not biomassing the character. 

[Esna Pitoojee]

Poor Sai. ._.

[Saikoyu]

Saikoyu stood in front of a data terminal in a corner of the capsuleer level of the Hek VIII - Moon 12 - Boundless Creation Factory station.  She wore a hooded cloak which covered her completely, and with her back turned towards any passerbys, she seemed vulnerable, shielding herself in the false security of her cloak.  But things, as so often the case with capsuleers, were not as they seemed.  Neither were the five casually dressed men who wandered around her general area at random intervales, one always within sight.  For that matter, neither was the cloak.

Saikoyu scowled.  The suspension of her pilots licence was an inconvience, one that might take some time to completely overcome.  But it would be overcome.  The leaving of Rho Dynamics... had been necessary.  But it left her without a base of operations, without a place to be.  And she had no desire to try and start her own corporation again.  So, she was left with the decision, go be with someone she knew, or, like the rest of her decisions, try something new.  She lingered over the ads for the corporations of the Electus Matari, and again over Re-Awakened.  Evanda was active again, it seemed.  A shiver seemed to trace around Saikoyu's neck, but she shrugged it off and moved on.  Evanda was... not necessary.  Or helpful to her path. 

On the other hand, you do meet the most interesting people in space...

Saikoyu finished browsing her options, and there were a few, and then shut down the terminal.  Now, to deal with her pilot's licence, and to ensure her past would not catch up to her.  Not yet.