Part 3, Building a sentence:Right, it's time to start playing with words. The following sentence uses all four devices, I'll do a quick analysis of the text then we can look at some common grammatical errors.
"Comma incoming!" Shouted the sergeant and the men dived under the cover of a nearby H, they still had four lines of text to get through before they would arrive at the end of the paragraph but it was going to be a tough journey.
We can break this down in to snapshots, that is to say we can look at the text as blocks of information that have been separated in to bite size chunks that are easy for the brain to understand.
"Comma incoming!" - Warning signal to tell the readers mind that it needs to be alert.
Shouted the sergeant and the men dived under the cover of a nearby H, - The men diving under cover is a direct response to the shout of the sergeant therefore we use a positive conjunction.
they still had four lines of text to get through before they would arrive at the end of the paragraph but it was going to be a tough journey. - A twisting conjunction is used because we are altering the tone of the sentence at this point.
In emotional terms the text taps in to the fight or flight response / pause / builds momentum by having an action and response / pause / add some epic by describing how far they've got to go then twist for additional epic.
Now lets look at a grammatically incorrect way of writing the same piece of text:
The sergeant shouted, "Comma incoming!" The men dived for cover, under a nearby H. They still had four lines of text to get through, they would arrive at the end of the paragraph, it was going to be a tough journey.
This overdose of commas is probably the most common grammatical mistake on these forums, some really good stories have been ruined by this.
To be continued...too damn tired to write any more tonight.