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[Los Muertas]

"Lo there do I see my ancestors, faces cavernous with rictus grins
Lo there do I see my woman, her womb torn asunder and fetus thus removed
Lo there do I see my Santir, head upon the Amarrian spike
Lo there do I see all those who have gone before me and those who will come after me
Lo do they say that I have wrought all of these images for I was not diligent against the beasts
Lo do they strip me of name, of tribe, of standing and self
Lo do they send me forth to claim that which was stripped from me
Lo do I wrest what was stolen from me from the Amarr
Lo do I take their lifes blood, do I carve flesh from bone
Lo there do I see their faces now cavernous with rictus horror
Lo there do I see their women, wombs asunder and fetus thus removed
Lo their do I see their Holders, Head upon Matari spikes
Lo there do I see my body dying, their revenge upon me as mine is upon them
Lo there does our world darken to me as lifes last breath doest leave me
Lo there do I see my ancestors awaiting me
Lo do they say to me, You are Los Muertas No more"

Los Muertas is not a name but rather a title taken by a Murientor or Thukkar. The Los Muertas are Matari whom have seen their entire way of life stripped from them and, in their own mind or by reality, could have done something to prevent a cataclysm from falling upon their Clan or Tribe. Los Muertas itself means plainly "Lost in Shadows" much like a wraith stuck between the shadow realm and reality. They are angry and vengeful creatures set purely on inflicting as much misery and death upon the source of said cataclysm until they themselves find passage into the afterlife.
It is belived that the Los Muertas were the basis of the Valklears, criminals given a chance at redeption (though the Murientor and Thukkar Los Muertas chose this path for themselves without pressure from others). Only through the act of serving their dead, or in the case of the Valklears the Republic, can their sins be erased and their names be restored. However unlike Valklears, Los Muertas will never return to a normal life, death is their only reprieve.

[Graelyn]

That's a bit limiting, isn't it?

By that I mean, surely the Amarr are not the only source of problems for all Matari people.

Yeah, we did the big stuff back when, but there's plenty of others kicking you around at this point, needing some good ol Troll Slayer revengeancing and the like, yes?

[Los Muertas]

That's a bit limiting, isn't it?

By that I mean, surely the Amarr are not the only source of problems for all Matari people.

Yeah, we did the big stuff back when, but there's plenty of others kicking you around at this point, needing some good ol Troll Slayer revengeancing and the like, yes?

Perhaps it should have been titled Lament of a Los Muertas"? The poem itself is directed towards Amarr but the description of what Los Muertas are expands to say that their sole source of motivation is not Amarr alone.

[Graelyn]

Fair enough.

[Logan Fyreite]

Title isn't good enough, translated you are really saying

Lament of the the dead.

Second,
the name "Los Muertas" is spanish in origin, and doesn't really fit in with any of the Minmatar tribe backstories, Sieb's are Nomadic Nordic in culture and the rest are otherwise not-spanish.

Nordic Terms that might work as replacements

Draugr - "the animated corpse that comes forth from its grave mound, or shows restlessness on the road to burial"

Haugbúi - "Ghost"

hel-blár - Black as death // Blue as Death, a term used for the walking dead.

hvammr - "a boundary area between valley and mountain, between farm and burial mound, between the living and the dead."

I'm sure there are other words that could be used, but the use of a spanish word to describe something like this seems a bit out of place. Even moreso since the poem is in the prose of a traditional Nordic burial poem made famous by the movie "13th Warrior"

[Los Muertas]

Title isn't good enough, translated you are really saying

Lament of the the dead.

Second,
the name "Los Muertas" is spanish in origin, and doesn't really fit in with any of the Minmatar tribe backstories, Sieb's are Nomadic Nordic in culture and the rest are otherwise not-spanish.

Nordic Terms that might work as replacements

Draugr - "the animated corpse that comes forth from its grave mound, or shows restlessness on the road to burial"

Haugbúi - "Ghost"

hel-blár - Black as death // Blue as Death, a term used for the walking dead.

hvammr - "a boundary area between valley and mountain, between farm and burial mound, between the living and the dead."

I'm sure there are other words that could be used, but the use of a spanish word to describe something like this seems a bit out of place. Even moreso since the poem is in the prose of a traditional Nordic burial poem made famous by the movie "13th Warrior"

I understand that but the Muerientor tribe is a sub-tribe integrated into Minmatar society before the Amarrians invaded (this is all according to our in game RP for our corp) and while considered Minmatar does have seperate lore and oral traditions that are seperate from the Six Kin. To point out another in game example of this it would be akin to Ammatar and Amarrian society. Ammatar have kept some of their old ways and use some of their old language in modern speech just the same as after the anglo-saxons kept distinct words from the brittons and later kept words from french society that are woven into the English language.

[Silver Night]

[mod]Not modding anything out since the OP replied and it is his work that is being critiqued(unless he wants me to), but please keep in mind that 'ur doing it wrong' isn't an appropriate way to post on these boards.[/mod]

To more specifically address the poster's point, I would point out that each of the factions in eve is made up of at least one world worth of cultures, and (for example) Nordic languages and Spanish both came from one world (indeed, one small continent) worth of languages.

[Logan Fyreite]

I understand that but the Muerientor tribe is a sub-tribe integrated into Minmatar society before the Amarrians invaded (this is all according to our in game RP for our corp) and while considered Minmatar does have seperate lore and oral traditions that are seperate from the Six Kin. To point out another in game example of this it would be akin to Ammatar and Amarrian society. Ammatar have kept some of their old ways and use some of their old language in modern speech just the same as after the anglo-saxons kept distinct words from the brittons and later kept words from french society that are woven into the English language.

Learn something new every day, didn't mean to say "UR DOIN IT WRONG" but re-reading my comment makes me feel like I did exactly that. I  more meant to lead in with something along the lines of "It looks good but have you considered X"

I still think the title needs work, 'of the' doesn't sound quite right if you know what I mean?

but then "Lament Los Muertas" doesn't sound right to me either 

[Z.Sinraali]

That's because it would be Lament [of/de] Las Meuertas.