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EVE-Online RP Discussion and Resources => EVE Fiction + Fiction discussion => Topic started by: Thulla Icin on 31 Jul 2017, 17:25

Title: Poetry: untitled
Post by: Thulla Icin on 31 Jul 2017, 17:25

Intended for the YC 119 New Eden Capsuleer's Writing Contest.


pod
tumbling
Out Of Control!
as the lasers
sear my skin
And in that instant --
all is

light

Title: Re: Poetry: untitled
Post by: Ayallah on 02 Aug 2017, 15:20

Simple, but leaves tension in the word unsaid.   Use of capitalization was very good but the word And being capitalized detracts from what is an interesting way to convey the motion in the piece. 

Title: Re: Poetry: untitled
Post by: Thulla Icin on 02 Aug 2017, 19:47

Thank you for the feedback!  Definitely helpful, and whether or not I wanted to capitalize 'And' was something I was uncertain about, so having feedback specifically on that is nice (even if the response is that it does not seem effective, as knowing this helps me lean).

Thank you for not just judging, but giving feedback!