Backstage - OOC Forums
EVE-Online RP Discussion and Resources => EVE Fiction + Fiction discussion => Topic started by: Veiki on 17 Jun 2017, 07:00
-
Entry as Veikitamo Gesakaarin:
Title:The Rime of Identifying as a Kestrel Frigate
One to one I duel at top sun
The Kestrel spreads its wings
Only missiles no need for gun
Rage and the Scourge to bring
Burning towards the dangerzone
Thermal safeties redline
Tongue tasting the warmth of ozone
Heat rising up my spine
Hot enough the weed is now lit
As it says in Scripture
Passage Four and Twenty praise it
Drunk with vodka mixture
They keep on holding on to hope
But I will never die
Rockets are fired with no scope
Local salt as they cry
No mad as crew die to spalling
Unlike rifle Mark 8
There is not a trigger warning
Embrace the final fate
Now killmail has been confirmed
How, I am asked with strain
I consider with smile not stern
A laugh: "I do cocaine."
-
Good mix of cadence and images and clever wording but ultimately falls short because you tried to force so many cultural references in.
The first two passages are excellent and engaging, the motion there makes me want to read your work on a more serious subject.
-
I can almost see the Caldari NCO take the piss out of the greenhorns with this one over a round at the commissary.