Backstage - OOC Forums
EVE-Online RP Discussion and Resources => EVE Character Development => Topic started by: Jennifer Bizen on 22 Aug 2012, 10:57
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The concept is a work in progress and here is what I got so far, and please regard it as ooc knowledge :3
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Name/Alias: Jennifer Bizen.
Gender: Female
Ethnicity: Minmatar, assumed Sebiestor. Not confirmed.
D.O.B: Not registered. Assumed born in early Y90.
P.O.B: Not registered.
Home planet: Raised on Egbinger V, Molden Heath region.
Height: 1'66m.
Weight: 61kg.
Hair: Blonde, although frequently dyed in different colors.
Eyes: Blue.
Affiliation: None confirmed.
Distinguishing Features:
A small, oddly shaped birthmark, just under an inch in diameter at the back of her neck. Numerous tribal tattoos of both of Sebiestor and Vherokior origin, located at random- Arms, torso, back, legs and head. Piercings located in her tongue, lip, right brow, total of six in her ears, one in the left nipple and one in her navel. Three scars from gunshots at the right side of her lower stomach. Random scarring on her body that suggest a violent background.
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Y90 -(late Y90) Found aboard "vessel" brought to Egbinger where she was left at an orphanage.
Y91 - Took her first unsupported steps.
Y92 - Adopted
Y93 -
Y94 -
Y95 - Began general education
Y96 -
Y97 -
Y98 -
Y99 -
Y100 -
Y101 -
Y102 -
Y103 - First gunshot wound
Y104 - Finished general education.
Y105 -
Y106 - Joined a local gang.
Y107 - Second and third gunshot wound.
Y108 -
Y109 -
Y110 -
Y111 -
Y112 - Sponsored by an unknown benefactor for capsuleer training.
Y113 -
Y114 - Present
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How I imagine this is that she was amongst survivors(not including her parents) on a ship that had been attacked and left drifting in space. This shipwreck is found by a random passer by, a salvager perhaps which(out of kindness of his/her heart? Promise of payment or whatever) takes the survivors to a planet, Egbinger V, a town or a city that I imagine to be something in the lines of Star War´s Mos Eisly- A poor or slums environment that would be popular by smugglers, pirates and various outlaws or criminals in general whilst still something of a part of Minmatar Republic and hence a harsh place to grow up in. At first she would be placed at an orphanage and later adopted.
For a color, I include in her timeline she finished her general education ahead of time and that she becomes a gangmember which puts her onto a path of violence as an example of headstrong, intelligent and tough-girl concept for her peronality.
As for her origin, I want to create something of a mystery to it. An orphan without a birth certificate, leaving her actual heritage to the benifit of the doubt and speculations.
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I would welcome any criticism or suggestions! :3
/Jennifer Bizen
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fwiw, could do with less rape
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fwiw, could do with less rape
Not just empty quoting.
If you want to go with it, it's your choice, but it's become overused to the point of being clichéd or even in trope territory. So if you do go with it, you're going to have to do a lot of work to portray it in a new or interesting way that doesn't result in, for lack of a better term, F7U12-inducing drama.
Looks good otherwise, though.
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I´m aware of rape a fair bit of cliché material for sexual orientation or the drama recipy for sympathetic interaction but its not my intentions to make it so.
The idea is to include it as to sculpt her personality as someone not easily broken. Instead of breaking down and crying, she would have had some sense of pride and not allowing herself to display her as being weak.
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Personally, I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Recall the shitstorm the developers ran into (whoever they are) when it was implied that Lara Craft would sexually assaulted in the new game and this leads to her being so tough later in life. It can come across as a trivialization of an event that is a bit too traumatic and effects way too many people.
If you were going to leave that in her character background, I would never mention it in public. Like, never ever ever even hint at it, so that no one knows IC. Too much potential for ugly and or stupid to occur.
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The theme is one hell of a cliché in EVE, and I've never seen it done without inciting large amounts of drama. To toy around with it is considered in poor taste by a large number, too. "Oh, I need to make a Strong Woman. BEST HAVE HER RAPED TO CAUSE IT." is how it has come across, historically. Stecker pointed out the trauma of the event; throwing it in casually for a personality point isn't something that's particularly pleasant to see.
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My two cents on the whole rape thing:
If you leave it in, don't make a big deal out of it. If Jennifer doesn't spill it to everyone who she talks to, it will be a lot less cliche-ish - it should be one facet in her backstory, not the sum or focal point of her backstory.
EDIT: Welp, Victoria (and Kyber) got there first. Same idea, though.
On all the rest, looks like a good start! Will be interesting to talk to her IC.
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If you were going to leave that in her character background, I would never mention it in public. Like, never ever ever even hint at it, so that no one knows IC. Too much potential for ugly and or stupid to occur.
I don´t want it had as public knowledge and hadn´t plan on bringin it up in IC either, in any form and exactly for those reasons. So, perhaps it might as well be for the best to leave it out of even OOC knowledge as well?
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If you were going to leave that in her character background, I would never mention it in public. Like, never ever ever even hint at it, so that no one knows IC. Too much potential for ugly and or stupid to occur.
I don´t want it had as public knowledge and hadn´t plan on bringin it up in IC either, in any form and exactly for those reasons. So, perhaps it might as well be for the best to leave it out of even OOC knowledge as well?
It's a safe bet. I'd certainly keep it out of the ingame bio. If you planned on writing stories or doing a blog, it wouldn't be bad to maybe touch upon it in the writing but I would not consider it a good idea to put it somewhere right out in the open in the first place people will look to find information on the character.
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Welcome, and I look forward to seeing Jennifer interacting with people.
I've always been a fan of the 'hard history' that creates a character that was forced to be strong (orphans, street rats, etc..). Lots of room for change and malleability in their future, especially going from that life to the "demi-god" status that Capsuleers have going on with their every need/desire catered to on a whim.
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I would recommend keeping a complete list of how you originally envision her character privately, and then creating a list of public hooks. This allows a lot of artistic flexibility, because as the character starts interacting in environments they may change from how you originally planned. You won't have to deal with the trouble of undoing or changing any of their core values once they've been publicly declared.
This also has the handy side affect of rewarding people for interacting with the character, by uncovering their inner nature and not being handed it out at the gate. Your mileage may vary.
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I kind of really love how her gunshot wounds are marked as milestones in her history. I find that sort of darkly humorous >.>
Also, I hope you don't mind if I steal your timeline formatting for Red's profile -- it's very neat and tidy, and makes a stupid amount of sense for a visual thinker such as myself :3
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Thank you for the recommendation, Ghost Hunter. Think I might just do so.
I edited the "rape" part out as it was not meant to be a focal point in Jennifer´s history or concept wether it will be included or not. Nor the sole source to criticise about :bash:
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I kind of really love how her gunshot wounds are marked as milestones in her history. I find that sort of darkly humorous >.>
Also, I hope you don't mind if I steal your timeline formatting for Red's profile -- it's very neat and tidy, and makes a stupid amount of sense for a visual thinker such as myself :3
Go right ahead ^^
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Sorry if it felt like we were hopping all over you for that one little thing.
I guess the thing is, we've seen situations where even when someone introduced something like that in their backstory, even if they handled it perfectly, someone else would turn around and make a mess of it. It was as much hoping not to leave you to fall into that kind of situation than anything else.
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I think the reaction here is a pretty good example as to why it shouldnt be done, really. You stick something like that in a character's public backstory and it grows to consume everything else around it. It doesn't matter how kickass everything else is, it can't hope to stand up to the weight of the rape backstory.
And since those are very rarely handled with any degree of sensitivity or subtlety, the automatic reaction is to go "This person is just looking for attention and accordingly I am going to ignore the shit out of the character" whether or not that is actually the case.
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Sorry if it felt like we were hopping all over you for that one little thing.
I guess the thing is, we've seen situations where even when someone introduced something like that in their backstory, even if they handled it perfectly, someone else would turn around and make a mess of it. It was as much hoping not to leave you to fall into that kind of situation than anything else.
There´s no need in apologizing. I see both constructive criticism and advice in the above posts and the concept is still in progress and how I had imagine this specific coloring coming to effect on her personality, it can erased without changing how I envision her as whole. Besides, ridding it to avoid cliché is just a good thing in my opinion :3
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I like you, by the way :)
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I like you, by the way :)
\o/
ps: Just for the record, its not about looking for attention, its about detail even it isn´t common or public knowledge. A life is full of events that shape a person, wether it is to the negative or postive.
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Oh, no, I get thats what you were going for, but I was just pointing out that the reaction is going to be strong regardless.
You took the constructive criticism and the obvious reaction, and made changes to how you handled it. That is A Good Thing.
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Oh, no, I get thats what you were going for, but I was just pointing out that the reaction is going to be strong regardless.
You took the constructive criticism and the obvious reaction, and made changes to how you handled it. That is A Good Thing.
It is of course the whole point of sharing a concept, to get criticism, weighting pros and cons and make adjustments.
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The theme is one hell of a cliché in EVE, and I've never seen it done without inciting large amounts of drama. To toy around with it is considered in poor taste by a large number, too. "Oh, I need to make a Strong Woman. BEST HAVE HER RAPED TO CAUSE IT." is how it has come across, historically. Stecker pointed out the trauma of the event; throwing it in casually for a personality point isn't something that's particularly pleasant to see.
Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
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Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
If only that wasn't worryingly close to some things I've seen. If only. :|
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Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
Nicely put but not quite the direction I´m going for.
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Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
If only that wasn't worryingly close to some things I've seen. If only. :|
Yeah, so, for me this wasn't worryingly close but pretty much spot-on for a character application to the NWN PW I was playing at the time I've had the misfortune of being shown. Except the size of that one was closer to four pages of excruciating detail.
..sorry, didn't mean to do emotional processing in a completely unrelated thread.
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The theme is one hell of a cliché in EVE, and I've never seen it done without inciting large amounts of drama. To toy around with it is considered in poor taste by a large number, too. "Oh, I need to make a Strong Woman. BEST HAVE HER RAPED TO CAUSE IT." is how it has come across, historically. Stecker pointed out the trauma of the event; throwing it in casually for a personality point isn't something that's particularly pleasant to see.
Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
Hilariously, pathetically true in a few too many cases.
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[mod]Let's keep it on topic, which is discussion of the character concept.[/mod]
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Personally, I really like the concept and the detail and thought you've put into the character (something I do as well)! I agree with pretty much all of the advice given so far and reiterate that, based on what I've seen of you so far, I believe you could handle it with maturity and realism - I doubt most others you will encounter could or would.
Looking forward to seeing where you go with her though!
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Born to a raped mother and an unknown father, Norapeica the Defiant had the misfortune of childhood on the Rape-Moons of Ymgarl XI. Enslaved in the rape mines, she had to battle roving rape gangs, run a gauntlet of rape-droids on the way to and from work, and could scarcely rest her head without being raped to sleep by dickwolves. Hardened by her years of rapement and counter-rapistry, she has become a capsuleer, and now rapes the spacelanes aboard her deadly battleship, Rapemaster McRape RapeRape Rapington Rapesworthy the Third.
You just gave me my next character SUCKA.
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Alright on topic.
I like the concept so far. I love the street-smart, hardened etc. route. It also gives you a good perspective/angle from which to explore. I'm interested to see where this character goes. If it's executed well there's a lot of potential.
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A few further toyings with the concept with the help of extensive coffeeconsuming.
*The beginning
The shipwreck would most likely have been a transport of some kind, slave, prison, leisure. Its nothing that I´m determined on putting much detail into, the person finding the shipwreck might as well be dead or otherwise nowhere to be found.
*Origin.
Considering the shipwreck being on the border to the Great Wildlands, she could be of Thukker ancestry just as she might hail from any other race. Speculated but left undisclosed, left as a possible hook for fiction when time comes that she would dig into her origin.
*Adoption.
By Minmatar couple of any tribe or seperate tribe. Commoners of lower class. She will not know that she was an orphan until the death of her fosterparents when she would discover the adoption records.
*General education
As gathered from the timeline and considering how the schooling system works in my country, she would have started aprox a year ahead than she normally would have and finished one year earlier, skipping over one grade but did not continue for college.
*Scarring, tattoos and gang involvement.
Her first gunshot wound would be simply due to having been at the wrong place at the wrong time, such as during a robbery at a shop or random shootout between the local rabble.
Seeing as its not uncommon for a teenager to become rebellious, she joined a local gang.
Second and third as well as other scarring would be from her time involved with a local gang, defending territory or other types of fighting.
*Capsuleer training through sponsorship of an unknown benefactor or drafted into the militia?
Could have opened her eyes more to the "worlds" outside of her home system. Opening doors that had been otherwise shut to her?
Curiosity in regards to this unknown benefactor and perhaps undergoing a search for him/her.
Minmatar militia, as previously noted interest for ooc-wise, she might be drafted or see something worthy to fight for as opposed to having been a gangmember in her past. Or that she may have been drafted for capsuleer program to fight for the Matari people. Or that she may have enlisted to get offworld- "Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them!"
*The vastness of space and inexperience.
Instead of starting off as a knowitall she could have been isolated to a point on her "home world" perhaps making the occasional contact with offworlders that paid visit to her hometown seeking stories of their travels and exploits or read about happenings in Minmatar space or simply none due to lack of interest.
Up until entering and finishing capsuleer training, she had never experienced space travel(as far as she would remember anyhow) and hence exploration beyond her homeworld would be considered new experiences.
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A few questions emerged from the shadows. Please don't answer them here, they are just intended as food for thought.
-As far as I've understood, the Minmatar tribes are nepotistic and have mutual rivalry. What is Jennifer's tribe and how is her gang related to it?
-A gang might have some amount of internal hierarchy. What was Jennifer's position in the gang? How much leverage they still have over her, if any?
-What was the gang doing? Muggings, homicides, drugs, heists, human trafficking, gangster music?
-When people climb up in ranks, they may have to do things they'd rather not do, and as a part of the loyalty training, they sometimes get humiliated in various ways. In the military, sitting quiet, walking in patterns, cleaning and other household chores are used in this fashion. To adjust, people tend to develop all kinds of excuses or principles, act tough or begin to hate some topics seemingly irrationally. I think it's a good idea to explore this area, just saying that whatever happened to Jennifer does not necessarily need to be anything extremely reproachable.
-Jennifer has probably seen a lot of poverty in her life, now she walks in the chambers of the elite. Does she care? Is there a tension between these two periods of her life? Does she have fixations from the old days?
-Judging by what is currently in her background, Jennifer has not been that much in contact with foreigners. Where does her information come from? School, TV, gang or capsuleer academy? What kind of biases she has?
-Republic has federalists, who prefer unity among the Matari people and strong central governance, and de-centralists, who see the tribes as the basic power structure of the society. In which camp Jennifer belongs to? Is she a freedom fighter?
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Thank you Bastian, much appreciated :)
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Best advice I could give you is to try not to create your entire character at once. Get a basic outline of her, but dont fill in every single detail and nugget of her timeline before you have to.
Thats not to say to create background on the spot to jump on other RPers, but give yourself some time to figure out what you enjoy playing and what direction your character seems to be going.
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Right. I´ve taken some time to dwell on my original concept and decided to make some changes to it. Its still a work in progress though :3
Collected data
Name/Alias: Jennifer Bizen.
Gender: Female
Ethnicity: Minmatar, Sebiestor – Exact
D.O.B: 06.12.90 – Exact D.O.B uknown
P.O.B: Egbinger V – Exact P.O.B unknown
Parents: Unknown – Foster parents: Willem and Tasha Bizen
Home planet: Raised on Egbinger V, Molden Heath region.
Height: 1'66m.
Weight: 61kg.
Hair: Blonde, although frequently dyed in different colors.
Eyes: Blue.
Affiliation: Minmatar Republic.
Distinguishing Features:
A small, oddly shaped birthmark, just under an inch in diameter at the back of her neck. Numerous tribal tattoos of Sebiestor origin, located at random- Arms, torso, legs and head- Her Voluval mark alone across her back. Piercings located in her tongue, lip, right brow, total of six in her ears, one in the left nipple and one in her navel. Three scars from gunshots at the right side of her lower stomach. Random scarring on her body that suggest a violent background.
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Timeline
Y90 -(late Y90) Found aboard "vessel" brought to Egbinger where she was left at an orphanage.
Y91 - Took her first unsupported steps.
Y92 - Adopted
Y93 -
Y94 -
Y95 - Began general education
Y96 -
Y97 -
Y98 -
Y99 -
Y100 -
Y101 -
Y102 -
Y103 - First gunshot wound
Y104 – Finshed general education
Y105 – Worked for her father on his bar.
Y106 - Joined the rebellion Second and third gunshot wound and hospitalized
Y107 – Began her career as a combat pilot.
Y108 -
Y109 - Sponsored by an unknown benefactor for capsuleer training.
Y110 -
Y111 -
Y112 -
Y113 -
Y114 – Graduated from the Repblic Military as a capsuleer. Present
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Raised on Egbinger V, a rotten hole at the edge of the Molden Heath region bordering the Great Wildlands, by her parents; Willem and Karin Bizen, poor Sebiestor commoners. A place often frequented by travelers of various backgrounds.
In Y95, Jennifer was already speaking fluently and began general education a year ahead of schedule and proved herself above the average when she graduated a year ahead of those of her age, perhaps due to the accident of catching a bullet in the back which also punctured her right lung in Y103, where she finished one and a half a semester out of boredom during her recovery.
Up until Y106, Jennifer hadn´t had much contact in the outside world aside from what she had learned at school, watching holoreels or from occasional visitors while working at her father´s bar, when a small Amarr fleet began to invade the populated planets of Egbinger, seeing as the system was rather remote and not heavily defended. Before the Amarr could initiate the drugging process on Egbinger V however, the free Minmatar had formed resistance and with the aid of a few outsiders, they successfully fended off the invasion, at a cost as the attack left many wounded, dead or otherwise unaccounted for. Jennifer´s participation got her hospitalized with two gunshot wounds to the stomach and a concussion. Shortly after her recovery at the hospital, Jennifer undertook the Voluval ritual, having earned her recognition within the tribe with her efforts in the resistance.
The invasion, opened her eyes in different perspective to the vastness of space and the other nations that inhabit it, fueling her motivation to defend her people and remained with the resistance, which became the homeguard of Egbinger, and lead to the beginning of her career as a pilot which escalated significantly in Y109 when she was offered into a capsuleer program by an unknown sponsor.
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One small note (not saying it should be changed, just something you should be aware of):
It became illegal to take slaves from outside the Empire at some point during Hederian VII's reign, probably when the Empire signed on to the Yulai treaty in 23236 AD/YC 0. Of course, there are still criminal Amarr who do it, but anyone actually caught raiding the Republic could expect significant punishment from the Empire even if they manage to escape the wrath of the Matari.
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One small note (not saying it should be changed, just something you should be aware of):
It became illegal to take slaves from outside the Empire at some point during Hederian VII's reign, probably when the Empire signed on to the Yulai treaty in 23236 AD/YC 0. Of course, there are still criminal Amarr who do it, but anyone actually caught raiding the Republic could expect significant punishment from the Empire even if they manage to escape the wrath of the Matari.
Its also worth noting it doesnt stop Esna from enslaving wimmez for the harem....
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One small note (not saying it should be changed, just something you should be aware of):
It became illegal to take slaves from outside the Empire at some point during Hederian VII's reign, probably when the Empire signed on to the Yulai treaty in 23236 AD/YC 0. Of course, there are still criminal Amarr who do it, but anyone actually caught raiding the Republic could expect significant punishment from the Empire even if they manage to escape the wrath of the Matari.
Its also worth noting it doesnt stop Esna from enslaving wimmez for the harem....
Yeah, he tried that :twisted:
*brings out the latex copsuit and avitors*
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Esna!
And... latex copsuit??
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And... latex copsuit??
You´re right.. Concord suit would be more appropriate.
If its illegal but criminial Amarr still do it, its good enough for me to include it into the concept \o/