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Author Topic: [Character] Urisuma Insaiji  (Read 2519 times)

Kunarian

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[Character] Urisuma Insaiji
« on: 25 Oct 2013, 05:05 »

CONCORD DED Public Capsuleer Datasheet
Name: Urisuma Insaiji
DED Callsign: Urisuma Insaiji
Blood Type: A+
Age: 52 (clone age of 44)
Height: 174 cm (5'8'')
Weight: 82 kg (182 lbs)
Hair Colour: White
Eye Colour: Blue
Political Alignment: To be decided
Date of Birth: 30th April YC62
Place of Birth: Airkio VII, Moon III
Education:
>State People's School
Attended one from the age of six til the age of twelve. He was taught a general education with a slant towards mathematics, sciences and technology in accordance with the education plan formulated by the child development engineer.
>Youth School
Attended one from the age of thirteen til the age of fifteen. He was taught a much more specialised education with a focus on mathematics, physics and design. These subjects were further supported by basic education in other sciences and technologies.
>Specialised School
Attended one from the age of sixteen til the age of eighteen. He was taught mechanical engineering as a singular vocational education course. During this period he was allocated to a job which was then offered to him following graduation.
>School of Applied Knowledge
Attended the university at the age of YC107 for several years, length of training was extended due to Lai Dai utilising Uri for various tasks as well as providing corporate training and induction. Finally was given permission to graduate on the 3rd November YC116.
Employment:
>Lai Dai Corporation
///YC80 to YC87
///Maintainance Engineer
Worked as a maintainance engineer in a factory on the third moon of Airkio VII.
>N/A
///YC87 to YC106
Location unknown at time, was a non-entity according to State records.
>Lai Dai Corporation
///YC106 to 3rd November YC116
///Trainee
Was employed as a capsuleer in training, performed basic industrial and security duties for the corporation.
>Lai Dai Mercantile
///3rd November YC116 to present
///Chief Executive Officer
Was granted permission by the Lai Dai Corporation to start his own corporation. Lai Dai refused to grant him additional funds to assist in start the corporation but do work with him to ensure the corporation is managed properly.
Status: Clear
DED Charges:
> --
DED Threat Assessment: Harmless
Notes:
Currently owns various craft of industrial and military capability, his military assets are growing and is no longer limited to personal weaponry and a personal security company. His focus on industry means that it is unlikely he will persue acquisition of heavier military equipment in the future.

Is registered with the Lai Dai Protection Service as a user of augmentative prosthetic limbs, he is the owner of a pair of trans-femoral leg augmentative prosthetics and a single trans-humeral augmentative prosthetic right arm. He is also the owner of various small arms. His personal defences are currently unknown but intelligence suggests he has a personal shield and wears armour beneath clothing when in public. His personal guard should also be accounted for, as he hires a security company whose entire purpose is to ensure his personal security. Currently he poses a negligible military threat to stability.

Has few assets on a interstellar scale and has little influence over markets, he currently owns all shares in the corporation known as Lai Dai Mercantile, the corporation is a Lai Dai subsidiary and is currently operating in the Karnola Constellation. Currently he poses a negligible economic threat to stability.

Has proved to largely be both loyal to the Caldari State and law abiding (of both Caldari and CONCORD law), assessments from the centre where he was trained to be a capsuleer reveal that he was one of the lowest risk for becoming a rogue capsuleer, however assessments also revealed that he has become largely detached from Lai Dai since the start of the program, will monitor to see how this develops. Currently he is still operating in the name of the Lai Dai corporation and poses no political threat to stability.

Has little public exposure, is not known beyond his co-workers or corporate contacts. Has no influence over media within the State or across the cluster. Currently poses no cultural threat to stability.

Personality Assessment: (short blurb on character's personality)
Physical Assessment:
(note: ability comparisons are in relation to other capsuleers)
Urisuma is physically sound, he's already changed to a clone several times although has developed a habit of requesting that his right arm and legs be amputated and replaced with augmented limbs. This is most likely related to a previous incident and the consequential replacement of the same limbs with augmented versions.

He is of average strength but has a remarkable high amount of pain tolerance. He is considered fast and dexterous, although not particularly agile by various sources. He is highly perceptive and has excellent vision, further he is an above-average marksman and can competently use most military small arms.

He has several distinguishing features such as his lack of hair, a traditional tattoo on his forehead and his augmented limbs.


Below is information that would not be known IC unless you were told about it by relavent people, consider your characters ignorant until they know otherwise. If you are an intelligence agent or have access to intelligence agents (whether as part of your corp or from hire) or Caldari records then within reason (stressing this bit) your character can know things from the time periods where Uri was in service to a corporation.

This is currently a character in waiting, I'm planning to restart my EVE subscription once more in November and so I'm gearing up for it in the meantime. Expect this to be incomplete and in dire need of critics and advice.

<OUTLINE DRAFT>

Urisuma Insaiji was born in YC62 on the third moon of Airkio VII to Deteis parents living in a lunar super city, working with the Lai Dai Corporation. His father was a medical engineer while his mother was a biological scientist, they worked within a research division that specialised in medical technology. It was his mothers decision to have a child but not wishing to leave work she had managed to organise it so that Urisuma be born a tube child. When Urisuma was finally born he was raised by and large by the local corporate child care centre although his parents kept in touch.

The lack of daily interaction means that he barely remembers his parents, but what he does remember he remembers fondly. His father, according to memory, was a reasonably tall man with white hair and deep blue eyes and who also had a belly that stuck out a bit more than most. His mother he remembers having blonde-silvery hair with bright eyes and a soft voice. It is unknown where they are now as they apparently finished or switched employment soon after Urisuma's disappearance and whether they are still alive or whether they are even aware of Urisuma's new place is anyone's guess.

At a young age it was decided by child development specialists that Urisuma has more of a leaning towards his fathers skills than that of his mothers and that it would be best to place him on a course towards becoming an engineer. At the age of 3 he began his education with simple things to push him towards more mathematical and structured mind through playing with specific toys and such. When he started his full time education at the age of 6, he was near the top of his classes although his perfomance fell with time. At the age of 18 he graduated as an Engineer and went to work in a Lai Dai industrial plant.

The factory at which he first worked was highly automated with him entering as a lowly labourer as part of the maintainance division assigned to keep the machines running. For seven straight years Urisuma worked in the plant eventually becoming the leader of a small team of workers. He also enveloped himself in life within the corporation, reading the most recent Lai Dai publications and keeping up with Lai Dai news not to mention betting on the gladitorial fights he would go to watch with his co-workers.

In YC87 Uri was working with his team as part of a regular maintainance operation. He was working a manufacturing line that was near the chemical reaction sector of the plant. The plant had recently replaced older chemical reactors with newer versions that had lowered wastage costs. However the actuator hoses on one of the reactor valves had been incorrectly attached to the air connections. Meaning that while the control room read the valve as closed, it was open.

Alarms immediately when off as highly flamable gases flooded from the reactor setting off the chemical detectors, the pressure meant that the gas spread fast and smothered maintainance crews nearby killing them almost instantly. Lockdown occured on the contaminated areas almost instantly. For a moment it seemed calm, then a roaring explosion occured causing all the chemical reactors to explode annhiliating the entire sector and causing the rest of the plant to collapse inwards.

Lai Dai immediately began efforts to salvage the plant and employees, for many it would be too late by the time they had lifted off the layers of rubble they were trapped under. Uri was found alive, barely, his left arm along with many ribs were broken while his legs and right arm had been trapped by a pair of metal girders. Only his left arm was considered savable by the extraction team who aputated his other limbs.

The treatment Uri was entitled to receive made his healing process slow and when he had largely recovered he was informed that he had been replaced in his position at the industrial plant and that his services were no longer needed. Now unemployed treatment wasn't free, using what little Lai Dai scrip he had left he brought himself basic cybernetic limbs and paid for the last of his treatment. After this he was forced to leave the hospital. Without a job and without a home Uri found himself moving slowly towards the darker less travelled parts of the supercity and eventually he found himself amongst other undesirables and disassociated.

He was forced to steal to keep himself alive but eventually he got caught after trying to steal from a local gang member. Uri expected to be killed by the people he considered low-life (which he also considered himself to be at this point) but instead they gave him a job. He was to acquire an item of value belonging to the gang from a local trader who had seen it fit to hire personal security rather than cave into his original "protectors". They didn't expect to see him return but when he did and with the item (which had turned out to be a brand new cybernetic lung) they decided to continue utilising his services.

Finally Uri had a job again, he was a repo-man for the masters of the Caldari underworld, the lucrative amounts of scrip he received paid for food, clothes, housing, hobbies and the tools to carry out his new trade. His hard work ethic even rewarded him with enough money to buy basic augmented limbs. When not working he spent his time playing with parts and building small machines, practising his old trade gave him comfort and he watched Lai Dai news and read publications trying to block out the criminal hive he was now a part of.

He slowly carried out larger and larger jobs until he finally bit off more than he could chew. He was tasked with repossessing a luxury gallentean hover car from a man who was known to be a Gurista associate and under their protection. Uri was used to handling dangerous people, he was given the jobs because other people were too afraid to try handling them themselves, but never before had he ever had to deal with the Guristas. Never the less he took the scrip and dealt for the work at hand.

However when attempting to reposess the hovercar, Uri had been forced to kill the associate in self-defence. The gunshot alerted the nearby Gurista in the buidling, they began firing on Uri and in his attempt to escape them the gunfight spread to the street. To his luck someone alerted the Lai Dai Protection Service who arrived within minutes of the firefight starting. The Guristas ran and were pursued deep into the underworld before the chase was pulled off, meanwhile Uri was arrested and taken to a detention centre.

Timeline:
  • YC62 - Born on ?
  • YC62-68 - Raised by the Lai Dai corporation in child care centre
  • YC68-80 - Taught to be a mechanical engineer
  • YC80 - Graduates from his education and begins working as one in an industrial plant
  • YC87 - Industrial accident occurs that causes him to lose three of his limbs, Lai Dai terminates his employment contract, Uri uses savings to pay for treatment and cybernetic limbs
  • ? - does bad stuff and dreams of returning to Lai Dai, practices his Caldari beliefs, saturates himself with Lai Dai media and practices engineering as a hobby to stay sane
  • YC106 - Found and moved to the Lai Dai capsuleer program
  • ? - does Lai Dai stuff
...

Ambitions:
  • He wants to make a business based around his hobby. This means he wants to make an engineering corporation which would include research and development, manufacturing of mechanical items and distribution.

Beliefs:

Political ideology:

Hobbies:
  • Engineering by hand, he enjoys mixing with dockside and corporate engineers and spending time working on spacecraft, modules and other items. Fiddling with bits and bobs kept him sane when he fell through the cracks and so he normally keeps parts and pieces around where he lives and normally is working on one or two personal projects at any given time.
  • Tea, he loves the stuff and has a large collection of various teas which he has on repeat orders from a Lai Dai supplier. He is also trying to grow his own Kresh trees for a personal supply of tea.

He is nationalistic but more out of love for the state than hatred for what is not the state, he is pragmatic and believes the ends justify the means but this clashes with his beliefs in honour which can sometimes hinder his pragmatism, he also believes strongly in order and believes in enforcing order through force whenever necessary. He likes Amarrians, more so the Khanid though and views the Minmatar with interest due to their inginuety.

His hobbies include history, reading and tea. He also practices his old trade of engineering when he gets the chance, working on his vessals, modules and other equipment alongside common dock workers and ship crew. He is strongly aware of his new luxurious lifestyle and tries his best to live within his needs and tempers his desires.

</OUTLINE DRAFT>

Out of interest if anyone thinks anything is worth questioning or out of place for a Caldari please do tell. Any comments are good comments.
« Last Edit: 14 Nov 2013, 04:08 by Kunarian »
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Katrina Oniseki

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #1 on: 25 Oct 2013, 23:32 »

Since my thread just stole the front page over yours, I thought I would offer some advice and contributions.

You ask for help choosing a megacorp, but I personally urge you to do your due diligence researching the major megacorporations and picking one that suits how you want to play your character. Picking the wrong one will mean having to explain a change down the road.

Here is some helpful reading:
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/State_Factionalism_(Chronicle)
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Demographics_of_the_Caldari_State
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/The_Caldari_Financial_System
https://wiki.eveonline.com/wiki/Masks_of_Authority_(Chronicle)‎

Also, I strongly suggest you nix the pirate raiders background. Around these parts it is often considered a cliche addition. In exchange, you might want to consider a debilitating disease that affected him as a child, perhaps something akin to polio. This would give you reason to lose the arms and legs. This also explains why he lost his job and couldn't get it back. He's one of the folks who fell between the cracks of the State.

On the other hand, I have a difficult time believing that he could get all the way through the tube child program without being immediately recognized as capsule compatible as soon as testing became widespread. Chances are that as rates of Tube Children being capsule compatible became statistically important, all previous and later stock were tested just to make sure.  Whether during his childhood or later on, he was probably tested without even being told.

Perhaps one day out of the blue, after losing his limbs and livelihood, serendipity called. He gets a latter from his megacorp congratulating him on his compatibility and acceptance into the program. This would open up some fairly interesting character developments on his personality.

He was almost discarded by the State, but yet the State saved his life. Was it providence or coincidence? Does he owe his thanks to them, or only grudgingly so? The emotional fallout from losing so much so quickly and then gaining more than you could ever imagine has got to be incredible. Psychologically speaking, that's got to leave some interesting traits behind.
« Last Edit: 25 Oct 2013, 23:34 by Katrina Oniseki »
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #2 on: 26 Oct 2013, 02:00 »

Thanks, that's all really helpful. I'm going to consume all the data now and get back.

EDIT:
Since my thread just stole the front page over yours, I thought I would offer some advice and contributions.

Hey it happens, I'm not new to forums and you've gotta accept that your post isn't going to be No. 1. :)

You ask for help choosing a megacorp, but I personally urge you to do your due diligence researching the major megacorporations and picking one that suits how you want to play your character. Picking the wrong one will mean having to explain a change down the road.

I have done my research, I just wanted some initial help, I'm not expecting other people to do the hard work. I wanted a corporation that was patriotic, dabbled in advanced technologies (where Urisuma's interests lie, engineering wise, so he had to have got them somewhere) but also looked abroad (so to help me have a reason to develop Urisuma's interests beyond the state). Lai Dai, CBD and Ishukone seem to be able to allow me to plant the beginnings of these from an early age. I'm open to changing from Lai Dai before I formally start role playing but for now I feel Lai Dai is where his character fits best.

Here is some helpful reading:
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/State_Factionalism_(Chronicle)
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Demographics_of_the_Caldari_State
https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/The_Caldari_Financial_System
https://wiki.eveonline.com/wiki/Masks_of_Authority_(Chronicle)‎

This has been great btw.

Also, I strongly suggest you nix the pirate raiders background. Around these parts it is often considered a cliche addition. In exchange, you might want to consider a debilitating disease that affected him as a child, perhaps something akin to polio. This would give you reason to lose the arms and legs. This also explains why he lost his job and couldn't get it back. He's one of the folks who fell between the cracks of the State.

It didn't feel quite right to me and seeming as you've raised it I'll find another way around it. Although I don't know about having a disease claim his limbs, it's an idea I shall shamelessly steal if I can't come up with anything else good.

Your suggestion about falling between the cracks of the state is something I like a lot though, and I've been toying with the idea a lot. If I go with this I want it to be a time of great emotional pain and turmoil not just because of falling from grace but also because of what he'd be doing to survive. I had several ideas swimming around my head, the one that stuck most was the idea of a free-lance repo man working largely for criminal organisations.

It would explain why he is so familiar with needed protection (his personal security company) and with being able to protect himself (experience with weapons, knowledge of the use of hidden armour and personal shields). Also the brutal acts of repossession against largely vulnerable people would add another aspect of his personality although I'm not planning to have him be all "I'm so quiet and badass I sometimes might not speak at all then suddenly backflip and kill everyone" rather I'd like him to have found a way of coping, imitating what he did with Lai Dai by maybe playing with what mechanical items he can find and secretly wanting to return to corporate life but also hating himself because of that. He'd listen to Lai Dai broadcasts and watch Lai Dai tv and lose himself in it all until he has to do the next job that pays the bills.

On the other hand, I have a difficult time believing that he could get all the way through the tube child program without being immediately recognized as capsule compatible as soon as testing became widespread. Chances are that as rates of Tube Children being capsule compatible became statistically important, all previous and later stock were tested just to make sure.  Whether during his childhood or later on, he was probably tested without even being told.

Perhaps one day out of the blue, after losing his limbs and livelihood, serendipity called. He gets a latter from his megacorp congratulating him on his compatibility and acceptance into the program. This would open up some fairly interesting character developments on his personality.

Hmm, I might change him to be something else, but then how would he ever find out he was capsuleer material if he was just a natural born Deteis who fell through the cracks. I thought maybe one day he gets caught and arrested but then what would motivate anyone to find out he was capsuleer. If there was some way for his capsuleer material tests to be misplaced or at least hidden long enough for him to fall through the cracks then maybe by the time he is found by whoever they run a search for him and find out a reward is outstanding for locating him and bringing him to Lai Dai authorities. But that's just one idea.

He was almost discarded by the State, but yet the State saved his life. Was it providence or coincidence? Does he owe his thanks to them, or only grudgingly so? The emotional fallout from losing so much so quickly and then gaining more than you could ever imagine has got to be incredible. Psychologically speaking, that's got to leave some interesting traits behind.

This last paragraph has inspired me so much. I love the idea of a character who's saviour was originally the herald of his doom. I think I may borrow that if you would be so kind and develop it and see where things go.

Also when you mentioned losing and then gaining, he is from a low background and has always expected to live in that, when he is found he would probably be around 35 to 38. So he's old enough to have expected life to never change and for him to always be a backwater reject. The idea that he even has control over his life or even more than that the idea that he has things that he doesn't have to worry about losing, now that surely has got to make him react. I would think he would have conditioned himself to think that nothing could ever get better and not to hope but now he has even more than he ever hoped for. Like winning the lottery a hundred times in one day.

Thanks for all this, it's great to be able to expand my idea base and try and develop this!
« Last Edit: 26 Oct 2013, 13:12 by Kunarian »
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Erys Charantes

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #3 on: 26 Oct 2013, 22:13 »

I like what I see here.  Can't add much to Kats advice myself, I'd have said much the same. I get the feeling we should chat sometime, once you get in game.  :)  Urisuma reminds me a little of somebody.

Hmm...  Perhaps I can offer something. You said that it might have been disease claiming his limbs, yes? It would be ironic if bloodwork some due to said disease is what revealed capable compatibility...  Just one thought among many.

Then, of course, there is always the flipside to being a capsuleer...  How does he feel about the sudden separation with the majority of humanity?  Or have the changes sunk in yet? Just some food for thought.
« Last Edit: 26 Oct 2013, 22:18 by Erys Charantes »
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #4 on: 27 Oct 2013, 08:35 »

I like what I see here.  Can't add much to Kats advice myself, I'd have said much the same. I get the feeling we should chat sometime, once you get in game.  :)  Urisuma reminds me a little of somebody.

Hmm...  Perhaps I can offer something. You said that it might have been disease claiming his limbs, yes? It would be ironic if bloodwork some due to said disease is what revealed capable compatibility...  Just one thought among many.

Then, of course, there is always the flipside to being a capsuleer...  How does he feel about the sudden separation with the majority of humanity?  Or have the changes sunk in yet? Just some food for thought.

I look forwards to that in game chat. :) and out of curiosity whom doe Uri remind you of? And your idea about the loss of limbs revealing him to be viable seems interesting however what would happen? would he get treated for a disease or some other medical emergency that has claimed his limbs and then before the results from blood samples return somehow have fallen between the cracks and disappeared off the radar. It's something to work out but your idea is helpful. :)

On his feelings of separation from humanity, having lived for much longer than most capsuleers as a normal ordinary base-liner I think he'd find it unsettling and would do what he could to lessen the separation. Hence working with engineering crews and actually getting involved with work that base-liners are doing.

On the changes having sunk in keep in mind technically he's been a capsuleer since YC106 so the changes have sunk in, but he's definitely tried to keep connected with the base-liner world. He's an older capsuleer than most and combine that with having living been like the Caldari on the street for most of his life unlike other Capsuleers, he's quite conservative and doesn't want to leave things behind.
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #5 on: 27 Oct 2013, 09:54 »

Sorry to do a double post but I'm pretty stuck. I was just looking over the various corporations again and I'm just thinking whether CBD might be an interesting approach to go for. I've also wondered whether other Patriot or Practical corps might be interesting to go with?

What I want for Urisuma:
  • The corporation to inspire an interest in trading and other races for Uri - CBD seems to give this big time, Lai Dai does this for the Amarr/Khanid and Kaalakiota is a big trader too
  • The corporation to give Urisuma a conservative basis in traditional Caldari beliefs - All patriot corps seem like they'd do this, not sure about the practicals
  • The corporation to be involved in high technology research - Lai Dai is definitely this, Kaalakiota also delves into this world
  • The corporation to give him a strong belief in order (corporate order specifically) - of course all Caldari corps do this but the patriots seem like they would be most in this area

I really want to also have practicality for in game too, so that I can go across the Empire and still have missions to do, while I'm okay just doing this with the corporations of the same political faction as the corp Uri will belong to. I'm sticking with Lai Dai for the moment but I'm going to mull this over for a while.
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #6 on: 28 Oct 2013, 07:10 »

Updated the history, would appreciate criticism.
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Katrina Oniseki

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #7 on: 28 Oct 2013, 12:06 »

Quote
Hmm, I might change him to be something else, but then how would he ever find out he was capsuleer material if he was just a natural born Deteis who fell through the cracks. I thought maybe one day he gets caught and arrested but then what would motivate anyone to find out he was capsuleer. If there was some way for his capsuleer material tests to be misplaced or at least hidden long enough for him to fall through the cracks then maybe by the time he is found by whoever they run a search for him and find out a reward is outstanding for locating him and bringing him to Lai Dai authorities. But that's just one idea.

The explosive rise of capsuleers only started ten years ago. Before that, capsuleers were a coveted rarity. My guess is that standardized testing did not exist until ~10 years ago. You have to account for the timeframe between being found compatible and graduation. My guess is that it would take anywhere from 2-6 years, depending on where and when they started training.

So we'll start with a nice even number of 4 years ago is when he was found to be compatible. Alright, so they found out four years ago, but the earliest likely time they could have tested him using any standardized system would be 16 years ago, leaving a maximum 12 year timeframe between finding him compatible and giving him the news. Why did it take them this long to find him? You already explained that, actually! He fell through the cracks. It took them however long to actually find the missing man.

Considering the military and strategic significance of having "more capsuleers than the other guy", I can't imagine the nations or megacorps would have been terribly eager to share how the testing was done with each other. There's plenty of fluff reasons why they may have tested him late. Not having the know-how until then, or having a massive backlog of other candidates to test, or maybe the test takes several years to complete? Maybe it isn't standardized at all, and it's very hit or miss. Maybe he was tested multiple times with false negatives.

The point is that as a Tube Child, it's more likely that the State (or Lai Dai) would know about his compatibility before he does. In short, he didn't walk into a clinic to get tested for the capsule. Instead, some Men In Black stepped out of a Cadillac one day and told him that he needs to come with them urgently, it's a "Matter of Corporate Security."...

And now for the feedback on your new history.

I like the factory incident better than pirates. Before I continue, let me say that this is sufficient, and you can feel more than welcome to use that as is. That being said, I've worked in a factory - and what you describe is... well.. ridiculous. Real factories with laser torches and stamping machines aren't like that scene from Star Wars Episode 2 where Anakin is on a manufacturing obstacle course. Today's automated factories are punctuated by layers upon layers of failsafes and safety barriers, and multiple cutoff points for machine power. Power to the entire plant can be terminated at any number of secure locations.

In the ultra futuristic Caldari State, where production and automation is leagues beyond today's technology and efficiency, I simply can't suspend my disbelief for a factory gone haywire like that. I suppose I could if it was run by partially sentient drones that go on a killing spree - but not simple machinery. Even basic safety concepts like ensuring a laser torch cannot point anywhere but at the metal it's cutting, and usually at a distance of less than an inch; or a stamping machine whose basic electric circuits are not closed unless the safety cage is too... these are very very basic concepts of factory safety. Anywhere you have free reaching robotic 'arms', especially with cutting or grasping or otherwise dangerous implements on them, the entire section where that arm can wiggle around is usually blocked off from human access and is fed the actual production pieces by an overhead lift, crane, or another arm.

If you want to go with the factory incident, I suggest you consider more plausible incidents. A falling accident, a two tonne plate slamming down on his legs. Or maybe a piece of machinery pinned his arm to a wall, necessitating its amputation. Or if you want to get really sci-fi... an accident with an M-TAC (which are pretty much walker mechs that people pilot like in "Aliens" to multiply their strength). A factory fire could cause serious burns on his extremities if his clothes ignited, and maybe he lost several limbs from it. Maybe there was an explosion in the plant nearby him.

The point is that if you decide to go with the current accident, people are going to look at him funny and ask questions. If somebody told me they lost their legs to a stamping machine my first question to them would be, "What the hell were your legs doing inside a stamping machine?" See my point? If he says he lost his limbs in a factory explosion... suddenly people understand without needing to ask how.

That said, the rest of the history looks fine.
« Last Edit: 28 Oct 2013, 12:08 by Katrina Oniseki »
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #8 on: 28 Oct 2013, 13:26 »

Thanks for the feedback it's all brilliant stuff, let me just mull things over and I'll expand this reply. :) DONE!

The explosive rise of capsuleers only started ten years ago. Before that, capsuleers were a coveted rarity. My guess is that standardized testing did not exist until ~10 years ago. You have to account for the timeframe between being found compatible and graduation. My guess is that it would take anywhere from 2-6 years, depending on where and when they started training.

So we'll start with a nice even number of 4 years ago is when he was found to be compatible. Alright, so they found out four years ago, but the earliest likely time they could have tested him using any standardized system would be 16 years ago, leaving a maximum 12 year timeframe between finding him compatible and giving him the news. Why did it take them this long to find him? You already explained that, actually! He fell through the cracks. It took them however long to actually find the missing man.

Considering the military and strategic significance of having "more capsuleers than the other guy", I can't imagine the nations or megacorps would have been terribly eager to share how the testing was done with each other. There's plenty of fluff reasons why they may have tested him late. Not having the know-how until then, or having a massive backlog of other candidates to test, or maybe the test takes several years to complete? Maybe it isn't standardized at all, and it's very hit or miss. Maybe he was tested multiple times with false negatives.

The point is that as a Tube Child, it's more likely that the State (or Lai Dai) would know about his compatibility before he does. In short, he didn't walk into a clinic to get tested for the capsule. Instead, some Men In Black stepped out of a Cadillac one day and told him that he needs to come with them urgently, it's a "Matter of Corporate Security."...

Hmm, seems like it's plausible then that his test/tests was/were caught up in a backlog, especially if they are trying to be discrete about it all or maybe if they were being selective to begin with and then decided to mass process tests? who knows but the point is, it's plausible that he could have time to disappear before they send out the men in black to retrieve this important Corporate asset.

And now for the feedback on your new history.

I like the factory incident better than pirates. Before I continue, let me say that this is sufficient, and you can feel more than welcome to use that as is. That being said, I've worked in a factory - and what you describe is... well.. ridiculous. Real factories with laser torches and stamping machines aren't like that scene from Star Wars Episode 2 where Anakin is on a manufacturing obstacle course. Today's automated factories are punctuated by layers upon layers of failsafes and safety barriers, and multiple cutoff points for machine power. Power to the entire plant can be terminated at any number of secure locations.

In the ultra futuristic Caldari State, where production and automation is leagues beyond today's technology and efficiency, I simply can't suspend my disbelief for a factory gone haywire like that. I suppose I could if it was run by partially sentient drones that go on a killing spree - but not simple machinery. Even basic safety concepts like ensuring a laser torch cannot point anywhere but at the metal it's cutting, and usually at a distance of less than an inch; or a stamping machine whose basic electric circuits are not closed unless the safety cage is too... these are very very basic concepts of factory safety. Anywhere you have free reaching robotic 'arms', especially with cutting or grasping or otherwise dangerous implements on them, the entire section where that arm can wiggle around is usually blocked off from human access and is fed the actual production pieces by an overhead lift, crane, or another arm.

If you want to go with the factory incident, I suggest you consider more plausible incidents. A falling accident, a two tonne plate slamming down on his legs. Or maybe a piece of machinery pinned his arm to a wall, necessitating its amputation. Or if you want to get really sci-fi... an accident with an M-TAC (which are pretty much walker mechs that people pilot like in "Aliens" to multiply their strength). A factory fire could cause serious burns on his extremities if his clothes ignited, and maybe he lost several limbs from it. Maybe there was an explosion in the plant nearby him.

I thought there might be such a problem, I didn't quite know how to do it. The idea of a semi-sentient factory would most certainly work as would the idea of a basic industrial accident, I like the idea of maybe something such as a repair job gone wrong but I don't know how to work that.

The point is that if you decide to go with the current accident, people are going to look at him funny and ask questions. If somebody told me they lost their legs to a stamping machine my first question to them would be, "What the hell were your legs doing inside a stamping machine?" See my point? If he says he lost his limbs in a factory explosion... suddenly people understand without needing to ask how.

That said, the rest of the history looks fine.

I'm glad the rest looks good, I still need to work out a simple but plausible reason for an explosion in a factory, maybe the factory switched to a manufacturing volatile goods such as industrial or military grade explosives (which going by PI is feasible), of course maybe it was making these goods before. I just need to find that reason for everything going wrong.
« Last Edit: 28 Oct 2013, 13:52 by Kunarian »
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Katrina Oniseki

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #9 on: 28 Oct 2013, 20:34 »

Quote
maybe the factory switched to a manufacturing volatile goods

Or maybe they used a volitile supply in their normal process, but a buildup of judgement errors and lax standards allowed for a disaster triggered by the stupidity of one single person.

First the factory switches to a cheaper oxygen supplier for it's oxidizing processes.
New supplier has obsolete and poorly inspected safety valves on the tanks.

Then the factory needs to expand it's welding wing into the purpose built storage rooms, displacing the tanks to a new location.
New storage room has insufficient climate controls.

An exceptionally hot summer strikes the area.

Lax maintenance causes one of the air conditioning units to fail. No repairs are scheduled.

Temperature rises in the storage rooms, causing the oxygen in the tanks to start expanding into overpressure. Some valves release oxygen into the storage room. Other tank valves seize up and fail to release pressure.

New storage room has insufficient safety ventilation, because it was not designed to hold explosive contents. Oxygen levels rise sharply in the room.

.... Joe Dumass decides to take a smoke break on the job in an adjacent department, into which the excess oxygen is leaking... He pulls out his lighter...

The resulting explosion destroys a third of the factory, causing structural failures and a firestorm that rages across the rest of the complex. Hundreds are instantly killed by the inferno, their lungs burned up like rice paper by the superheated gas. Critical structural supports supporting the floor above are blown off their foundations, causing another third of the complex to collapse, trapping hundreds more.


Urisuma Okimura could be anywhere in this factory (except nearby the oxygen room), resulting in near fatal injuries. He could be pinned beneath the rubble for hours, even days, and when they finally dig him out, his arm and legs are already a lost cause. He could have been closer to the fire, and burns necessitated the removal of three limbs, along with skin grafts across 70% of his body. He could have been one of the rescue workers in an area that suffered a secondary collapse. Plenty of opportunity.

The point is that you don't need fantastic stories for a tragic accident. Enough examples of factory disasters exist in today's world that we can pull from recent history.

Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Okimura
« Reply #10 on: 29 Oct 2013, 04:21 »

Man that filled my head with ideas, so I decided that instead of being lazy and copying what you said (as brilliant as it was) that I'd look up some industrial accidents. So I've decided to go with an industrial accident where they had an explosion caused by a faulty valve which released highly flamable reactants that are used to create plastic.

So I'm going to EVE-ify it. Here we go!

In YC87 Uri was working with his team as part of a regular maintainance operation. He was working a manufacturing line that was near the chemical reaction sector of the plant. The plant had recently replaced older chemical reactors with newer versions that had lowered wastage costs. However the actuator hoses on one of the reactor valves had been incorrectly attached to the air connections. Meaning that while the control room read the valve as closed, it was open.

Alarms immediately when off as highly flamable gases flooded from the reactor setting off the chemical detectors, the pressure meant that the gas spread fast and smothered maintainance crews nearby killing them almost instantly. Lockdown occured on the contaminated areas almost instantly. For a moment it seemed calm, then a roaring explosion occured causing all the chemical reactors to explode annhiliating the entire sector and causing the rest of the plant to collapse inwards.

Lai Dai immediately began efforts to salvage the plant and employees, for many it would be too late by the time they had lifted off the layers of rubble they were trapped under. Uri was found alive, barely, his left arm along with many ribs were broken while his legs and right arm had been trapped by a pair of metal girders. Only his left arm was considered savable by the extraction team who aputated his other limbs.


And that is now replacing the star wars geonosis incident.
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Insaiji
« Reply #11 on: 01 Nov 2013, 07:11 »

Some history update and name change.
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Insaiji
« Reply #12 on: 03 Nov 2013, 05:13 »

To make all those interested aware, Uri is now in game!
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Kunarian

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Re: [Character] Urisuma Insaiji
« Reply #13 on: 14 Nov 2013, 04:09 »

Update on various things.
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