Emancipation
I've been in the small chamber for a long time, the priests were kind enough to give me plenty of time to compose myself. This was a big day, they wanted me to put my best foot forward. By the time the sun sets today I'll be a true citizen of the Empire, a free citizen. I spent twenty one years a slave, legally property to a Holder house. So many slaves have horror stories about this life, about what it did to them...but here I am, free and about to proudly join the Empire that just this morning considered me little better than a transport shuttle...
I should be conflicted, shouldn't I? I should have some grand existential crisis about not knowing what side of me to identify with? I...don't though. I really don't. I don't hate any side of me, I'm not ashamed of them, but if the question is what I identify with, the answer is Amarr without question.
The truth is I never really felt like a 'Brutor' in any way but blood. I worked with lots of other Brutor, I learned of my people, I respect that, I even like a good deal about my ancestors' culture. I like the music and the dances, the art they made, the art they made on themselves. I think it's a good and noble culture...but it's not my culture. I was born and bathed in the Sacred Waters, the same waters I'm about to bathe in again, literally the exact same waters. I learned to read with Scripture, I went to services every week, when I was scared I prayed to God like any good Amarr child...This is my home, this is my culture.
I hate myself, a part of me does at least. I hate that I genuinely don't want to be a rebel, I hate that I have no desire to punch the priest in the face and loudly declare that my tribe owns my soul, I hate that the knots in my stomach are from fear of messing up such a sacred ceremony rather than twinges of shame or guilt. I hear what some say about me, it makes me angry, angry at them, but also angry at myself because I know they're not wrong. Somewhere in my family line we simply...broke. My mother is a scientist, she proudly was educated in an Amarr university and shows her diploma and picture of her graduation ceremony as prized possessions. My father worked with a survey team, some fellow slaves, some Amarr purebloods, he considered all of the team his friends equally. They laughed and drank after work, he brought me along as a child and all of them told me how cute I was getting. When the temple bells rang my mother, my father, their friends, and I all went. We sang the hymns proudly, we prayed with real faith in our hearts...for God's sake my mother even helps in the temple's yearly potluck...
It's been like this for generations. Grandmother and grandfathers were proud workers, their parents were as well...I come from a broken family...But...is there shame in breaking? When a horse is broken does it stop being a horse? Does it feel shame every time it works? I know there are cruel Holders, and lazy Holders who spend no time educating their slaves in the word of God, and those Holders are shameful sins against God's will...but am I supposed to damn my Holder, a man who had nothing but compassion and care for my family, because of the actions of men entire systems away? A fellow slave asked me the other day if I was going to take some slaves as my own when I get free. It was meant to insult me I'm sure but...I really don't know. Would I see being elevated from nothing to being a Holder as a great honor? Would I see it as my duty to spread the word of God? Would I understand that to take slaves is to take a divine calling upon yourself to nurture their souls? It's hard to say no to these questions, and frankly I'm thankful I don't have to answer them.
The Republic has no place for me, or those like me, they've made that very clear. Besides, can't I do better work in the Empire? A freed slave who's loyal and a true believer, who can help, say, educate people? Isn't education the true foe of hate? We're called upon to lead by example, why can't I be an example not just to the unsaved but to the saved who need to empathize with their 'lower class'? What good do I do to anyone sitting around being hated by my own 'Republic' for not abandoning my faith and culture? My father was a halfbreed too, he had trouble fitting in but he found a peace, does it matter how as long as it was blessed?
My father died last year...God why am I thinking about that now...He didn't die in some dramatic way, he wasn't beaten to death by my cruel Holder or sent down into a dangerous area because his life was worth less...he simply passed onto Heaven in his sleep. He is in Heaven...isn't he? His faith was strong, and true...but not true enough to be worthy of freedom...does that mean it wasn't true enough for God, though? Why am I thinking about this now?
Is that what I'm afraid of? That somehow I'm not worthy? I've been chosen, doesn't that mean God is with me? God doesn't make mistakes, make errors...no...no if I'm being uplifted like this, I've been chosen. I am Amarr, my faith is strong, and has been tested. People can have doubts all they want, their opinions don't matter to me if they do. That's the point of this Empire, isn't it? Bringing God and salvation to the universe?
My father is in Heaven, he was a good man with strong faith, and he is proudly watching me today.
I stand, shaking the last of those thoughts away before striding out of the small chamber set up near the sacred lake, my long white robe flowing faintly in the light breeze as I make my way to the cool, welcoming, waters that once cleansed my soul as a baby. As I do I hear the priest begin to speak.
"We gather to watch a rebirth, as these waters bless our infants as their lives begin, they too bless those who join us in the light of God as their new lives begin..."
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Topic: Memories of Property (Read 819 times)