I have an interest and have dabbled in play a little (on the sub sit of the D/s line, which might surprise some), but for reasons I can't really put my finger on I've never gone so far as to seek an expansion of that play into a lifestyle choice.
Still young, though.
... seriously? I would never have guessed. Last person I expected to post here, really. Now that's just cool. Ever considered trying the other side of the crop, Havo?Oh, I suppose if I had a girl who was sufficiently interested in exploring along those lines I could give it a whirl.
Either way, play is the logical starting point when exploring to see whether it's for you or not, and there's a massive amount of people who do just that and leaves it at that. Play for the sake of play, not for the lifestyle.Aye. I think for me there's just so many aspects of me that make me.. well, ME, that it seems looking for/pursuing a relation with D/s as its foundation would require sacrificing more of that on the day-to-day basis than I've ever been fully comfortable with. I mean, if I got married tomorrow I wouldn't mind indulging all of my wife's crazy, kinky femdom interests when it's sexy time, but when it's not sexy time all of that would be 'put away', if that makes sense.
Oh my innocence backbone! /o\It's funny, Zuzu's said similar things pretty often on vent :p
Personally, I'm a Switch (D/s switch)
I had to ask someone what a "lifestyler" was. lol.
Oh my innocence backbone! /o\
BDSM: Bondage, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism.Don't forget Discipline ;)
Interesting response; didn't think you'd post on this one.Oh my innocence backbone! /o\It's funny, Zuzu's said similar things pretty often on vent :p
Geez... I don't know what's worse, being mentioned here or the embarrassing conversations that goes along with that.
See, I had no idea what these things were... and then realized I was doing some of them.
I played characters at larps (live action role playing games) that were very different then me - and would some times do what is refereed to as weekly - roleplaying the characters outside the time frame and place allotted for the game.
So as far as the current conversation about BDSM - once it was explained I realized that once in awhile in the bedroom I took it upon myself to play certain charters to scenes in the bedroom. My favorites were Diane and Marice - Diane was a Thoradore vampire who kept a very firm leash on her ghoul - which was played by my partner of course - and enjoyed dressing up - I loved the lingerie...
Marice is my paladin - prot pally - with a touch of a temper and extremely strong. Her partner was a not so strong mage - and even though the player could of easily pinned me down - he would let me pretend he was rather weak.
But I also enjoy Su- completely blood bonded to her master she due to the natural powers at be with vampires (We alternated weekends for Diane/Su) she could not tell him no in anything.
TMI *hides* - expect this post to be edited away when I'm less brave - but long story short - if I had to choose I'd say more dom then sub, but it's an in bed treat thing, not a lifestyle.
Miz - this is the kind of conversations for why I hide in the quiet room so much - see why I keep my mouth shut?
Damn it Havo! Quit using me as recruitment material.Yes, Mistress.
God, I'm boring. :P
Weren't you impregnated while wearing handcuffs?
/me flees.... \o\
The Eve community (to me at least) seems to consist more of mature and somewhat open-minded people than most other Gamer communities. Besides, it's not like the lifestyle or just kinks are taboo in this day and age anyway.
Anyway, I'm not telling you freaks 'bout my alts. They sekrit.Either you mean a different kind of 'alts' or you got me :p
'Hey darling I killed another sixhundredthousand people today, I hope you don't mind, they're all just underclass peasents anyways." ;)I've had almost that exactly conversation in EVE RP, actually. From both sides of the "omgmurderer" divide, too, on different characters. :lol:
'Hey darling I killed another sixhundredthousand people today, I hope you don't mind, they're all just underclass peasents anyways." ;)
Yeah, I'm a deeply kinky bastard switch (mainly Dom).
Unfortunately where I live there is no real community of like-minded folk to speak of. So, eventually my relationships peter out due to boredom, as I've never so much as met anyone not on the internet who shares my interests (Girlfriends: "Huh? that sounds weird!").
Oh well. Maybe someday I can afford to move somewhere interesting people live.
...As a rule of thumb, I feel that people who have to be aggressive or decisive in daily life tend to be submissive in bed, having to abdicate as much responsibility as possible in order to relax, while those who tend to be mild and obliging by persona just want to throw someone down and have it their own way for once (*quiver*). Does anyone else think that's true as a generalist observation?...
I didn't actually know you used to be Kudon. But I forget a lot of things.
I'm very sorry for that - sounds like I was being a bit of a shit that day.
When I first joined the RP community in Eve, I noticed that... well, as someone playing a female character, you may have noticed that there are a lot of players who immediately try and get into your cybernetic spacepants. There was a lot of (hopefully) metaphorical "rolling on the floor wetting themselves like an over-pampered poodle" that made my stomach turn.
I generally think too many EvE IC interactions are sexualised, but that could be a thread in its own right.
Issues of sexual (non-gaming :P ) RP side, I don't know that engaging in sexual activity should be regarded as losing control. You give in to the urge to eat, to drink, to sleep, to defecate, to recreate (as in the sense of entertainment), to have non-sexual relationships (friends). What makes this different?
Do you hug or otherwise display affection, even in a non-romantic friendship?
Funny how we use "vanilla" to describe people like me. I mean, I always felt that describing something as "vanilla" had some negative connotations - implying that it's bland, ordinary and uninteresting. It's a peculiar quirk of the language even of the mainstream that the term we use to describe the kind of conventional relationship people have devoted boundless energy into finding also has that undercurrent of suggesting that exotic is better. Curious.
Maybe it is better, I don't know. I'm hardly in a position to judge for the simple reason that the whole idea of having a dom/sub relationship is totally alien to me. I don't feel like I could ever be either.
Ok, Havojeh and I had a fairly long discussion the other night, and he suggested that I post here, though I admit some reluctance in doing so.
First, a little personal info which will be relevant later: I'm twenty-five, male, neither overweight nor ugly, fairly buff, and of decent intelligence. I'm also a virgin, and I never intend to have sex, get married, or even get close to either.
What initially spawned our conversation, and thus this post, was my inquiring of Havo how anyone could enjoy the "sadism" part of BDSM, and from there expanded into a discussion as to how a person could enjoy submission/dominance, etc. I'm putting my view out here as Havo asked, and he's planning, as I understand, to post his own reply.
To me, I find the idea of dominance/submission deeply disturbing, because it seems to me to be a role play of a relationship I find deeply disturbing: namely, slave and master. I'm philosophically opposed to the idea of a person being the property or possession of another, or treating someone as such.
Granted, role-playing such a thing is not the same as the actual relationship; nonetheless, I fail to see the attraction in such play-acting. It was explained to me that some people desire the release of putting themselves completely into the hands of another - and, again, I cannot see the attraction of doing so.
Most of my life, I have struggled for mastery of my mind and body, in whatever I put my mind to do. Whether my work, or my recreation, I have tried to control what I do, to make better and better choices. My desire to control who I am and what I do is responsible for my desire to remain celibate - I do not want to be controlled by any urge, including sexual ones.
The idea of having my choices in the hands of someone else - to belong to another human, even for fun - is alien to me. To me, the S/D role play is horrific - because you are acting out situations without choice, and the idea of being without choice is a nightmare to my mind. That it's such a personal and intimate matter makes it much worse to me.
Now, I'm definitely not posting this to flame, denigrate, or hurt anyone. This is just where I'm coming from, and it wouldn't even be here without Havojeh asking. So blame him. :P
Understand, this is rather incidental to the issues I have with s/d. This is a choice, and one that I may one day decide to change, though I don't see that happening.
That said, I would argue that, at least where I live, I'm bombarded with a fairly heavy dose of the "males think with their penises" trope, both entertainment and in actuality. It's not that I despise sex, in and of itself - I'm very attracted to some people, and am apparently attractive to them. However, I loathe the idea that I should allow myself to be swayed from rational courses of action by an irrational instinct, one which does not have my best interests in mind.
The goal is not the avoidance of sex or intimacy, but to hammer my soul, as it were, mind and body, into a disciplined tool of my will. It's difficult to truly do this with other things - if I go without food or water, for example, I'll die. This is not a - from my point of view - desirable result. But sex is an innate urge that can be denied, triumphed over. If I could find a way to do without other bodily needs - sleep, food, water - I would, and I've done without them for limited times.
I don't believe that there is virtue in simple denial of wants. Christianity doesn't deny these things either, (though it does impose some restrictions) so it is not a facet of my theological beliefs. Rather, it is just my desire to make myself as free as possible, and as possessed of as much self-control as possible - to not be subject to instinct, but have my instincts subject to my will.
I feel that many of you have been wrongfully classified as weak men. You have not had any role models as you’ve walked this path. Somewhere along the line, you’ve been told that submission in a man is weak. It is my humble opinion that you are the strongest of men…
A truly submissive man is a protector, a servant, a planner, as well as a graceful reflection of his Mistress. He is conscious that his appearance is reflection of her and therefore endeavors himself to always be put together. He is a silent reflection of her strength and a supporter of her dreams and goals.
The greatest submissive men act with dignity, in fact they act with the dignity of the best butler…anticipating her needs because they know her. They know she drinks a cup of tea before bed and strive to have it waiting for her when she retires.
He strives to posses the best of manners, and what I mean by this goes way deeper that what the general society believes. He pulls out her chair every time, no matter the location. He stands when she leaves the dinner table…even when they are alone. He realizes that his manners are a reflection of his deep gratitude for her.
The greatest of submissive men are gentlemen first. They are honorable… they don’t act out in order to seek what might be an enjoyable punishment. In fact, a punishment is never enjoyable…it’s a failing to please their Mistress. And it’s never fun.
The fun comes not only from the deep service they provide, but also when they are alone…with his Mistress and a scene evolves. She knows him well and because he is indispensible to her, she will make every fantasy he has come true.
She values him tremendously. He is not less than her, but an extension of her. He is invaluable because even though he is submissive to her, he is not submissive to everyone. He serves her, and in that service comes a sense of joy and purpose. It also defines him as a man…a strong man…submissive man.
To me, I find the idea of dominance/submission deeply disturbing, because it seems to me to be a role play of a relationship I find deeply disturbing: namely, slave and master. I'm philosophically opposed to the idea of a person being the property or possession of another, or treating someone as such.
Granted, role-playing such a thing is not the same as the actual relationship; nonetheless, I fail to see the attraction in such play-acting. It was explained to me that some people desire the release of putting themselves completely into the hands of another - and, again, I cannot see the attraction of doing so.
Most of my life, I have struggled for mastery of my mind and body, in whatever I put my mind to do. Whether my work, or my recreation, I have tried to control what I do, to make better and better choices. My desire to control who I am and what I do is responsible for my desire to remain celibate - I do not want to be controlled by any urge, including sexual ones.
The idea of having my choices in the hands of someone else - to belong to another human, even for fun - is alien to me. To me, the S/D role play is horrific - because you are acting out situations without choice, and the idea of being without choice is a nightmare to my mind. That it's such a personal and intimate matter makes it much worse to me.
vanilla is because of natural/artificial vanilla flavours. The amount of natural vanilla produced globally is very small in comparison to the amount of vanilla-flavoured produce consumed. Most is artificial vanilla flavouring, which gives a slightly different taste. Natural vanilla ice cream, you will probably know when you taste it.
I have nothing else to add to this thread at this time.
It's impossible to remove the ability of choice (without brainwashing, mindcontrol or Sansha implants), it's simply not possible. You can make it so that the people around you are more likely to make the choice you want by making their other choices less pleasant, but they still could make that choice.
In the Sharp novels by Bernard Cornwall, I was particularly struck by some of the choices facing the camp women.This is some of the most stomach-turningly disgusting misogynistic shit I've ever heard of... thank you for pointing out an author for me to not read. Also, I don't believe the sort of de facto rape scenario you describe from these novels really matches the context of this discussion. I think the point Inara was making is that there is no lack of freedom for a sub in a D/s relationship - the submission is a gift that the sub chooses to give to his or her Dom/me.
Also, I don't believe the sort of de facto rape scenario you describe from these novels really matches the context of this discussion. I think the point Inara was making is that there is no lack of freedom for a sub in a D/s relationship - the submission is a gift that the sub chooses to give to his or her Dom/me.
Also, I don't believe the sort of de facto rape scenario you describe from these novels really matches the context of this discussion. I think the point Inara was making is that there is no lack of freedom for a sub in a D/s relationship - the submission is a gift that the sub chooses to give to his or her Dom/me.
Is submission a gift?Do you choose to give it or is it taken from you without your consent?
If I were to 'give my submission' to a D, it'd imply that it's separate from me. That it isn't a direct part of meMaybe a bit of language barrier here; there's no 'separation' between you and your actions, that's not what I mean when I say it's a 'gift'. To 'give' your submission doesn't disconnect it from you - it IS you. And naturally, like you said, it goes both ways; a sub just gives considerably more.
And of course, one can express total trust in the context of a relationship in many different ways. Sounds like D/s is one way, and that's great for those folks, but I'd venture to say that a man who trusts the daily caregiving of his children (and sometimes his parents) to his wife is placing huge, and generally well-deserved, trust in her. And a woman in an old-fashioned, traditional relationship who chooses to 'stay home' and take care of the house and kids while her husband goes to work places a lot of trust in him, too.
In other words, that sort of relationship might no longer be the cultural standard in some parts of the world, and for good reasons, but that doesn't make it bad. (My wife and I seem to like it.)
In the Sharp novels by Bernard Cornwall, I was particularly struck by some of the choices facing the camp women.This is some of the most stomach-turningly disgusting misogynistic shit I've ever heard of... thank you for pointing out an author for me to not read. <snip>
I'm sorry, that was a nonsequiter from a combination of what Inara posted, and something one of her characters said IC about always having choices, even if the choice was shackles or death.
Gorean relationships - um… *hides in a corner* I ain’t google searching sexual terms I don’t know – so I’m going to ask all nice like openly incase someone else was too shy to ask as well…
Back on topic – I actually have a mild thought with the term vanilla myself. A lot of folks that say they are vanilla may not be as much as they think. If they never talk to other folks they don’t know their preferences are different then the norm and assume they are vanilla. Also it depends on the crowd you are in. Among you guys I assume hearing someone say they are into erotic role-play in the bedroom is pretty tame.
But if I said I was into erotic role-play with a lady from church – I’d be a freak. Why would I ever want to pretend my husband isn’t my husband or be forward like that? A woman should be humble and meek. Mind you this isn’t what the Church itself teaches - it’s just the mindset that comes forth. We all know how wonderfully regular and faithful to the Church I tend to be… I be Jack.
The point still standing that even vanilla is not so well defined. Maybe I’m vanilla with the little cookie dough bits in it?
And I'd say that church isn't the place to be discussing bedroom antics :lol:.
Make yourself known. I've gotten the impression from the various OOC channels in-game that there's a bunch of ya here, so why not make yourself known a little?
*peeks into the thread* (And, it's no fun when your mother doesn't realize that it hurts to hear, "I was hoping to have some grandbabies from you, but I guess I won't get to see that now," in the middle of a phone call to tell you your sister's pregnant.)
Parenting is an interesting thing. I have so many thoughts about that whole issue that I would end up monopolizing this thread and driving it down a different road entirely.
Summary: "kids are good."
Indeed, in my experience all girls respond well to a dominant male who knows what the hell he is doing.*chuckles*
I had to ask someone what a "lifestyler" was. lol.
Oh my innocence backbone! /o\
I've heard mothers warning their children about us just because we've held hands in public; it's not like we flaunt it and make out in the canned foods aisle of the grocery store or anything close to it.
I live in an inner-city area that has more gay couples per square meter than anywhere else in Australia and I still can't shake the decades of training that it's not safe hold hands in a public place.
I'm glad that it doesn't even cross the minds of the younger members of my community that a public display of affection could get them hurt; it breaks my heart every time a young friend tells me, shocked and appalled, that s/he got verbally abused/spat on/roughed up/beaten badly enough to end up in hospital after assuming that what's normal in our 'gay ghetto' is safe outside it.
It's not really any different from seeing a woman in a burkha, or an ethnic minority in a very white area. It just hasn't been fully accepted yet, is all. Give it a generation I reckon.
We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct-action campaign that was "well timed" in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."
It's not really any different from seeing a woman in a burkha...
But what else would we use google for? :o
Havo wishes Zuzu was a Domme. C/C?
Havo wishes Zuzu was a Domme. C/C?No.. she's totally got it in her. She's going to be a terror.
I've been a sub since before I knew that sex existed. Which is kind of annoying, seeing as I'm also a feminist. Unfortunately, what I need in the bedroom (or on the dining room table, or up against a wall in alley) is seen by some as pretty much a betrayal of feminist principles and a mockery of everyone who's ever been sexually abused.
WISE and terrible, yes. Also, are you implying I'm somehow not the very picture of normality?I keep trying to tell her, there is no 'normal'.
How did I miss this thread? Yeah, I'll pretty much try anything at least twice.
How did I miss this thread? Yeah, I'll pretty much try anything at least twice.
including fedos if the Summit is to be believed.
How did I miss this thread? Yeah, I'll pretty much try anything at least twice.
including fedos if the Summit is to be believed.
I think it was the fedos that tried Kazzzi.
At least the first time.
so my safewords, in order of increasing severity, are Blackbird, Falcon, widow.
this should convey something about my mind, but in a good way, or a bad way?
Yes, that you're actually Caldari.
If I had a dollar for every picture I let my boyfriend take I wouldn't need to play the lotto?
Would that count as being a whore?
It's more common than most people realize, and sadly a lot of people go through life very unfulfilled thinking they're a very rare breed with no one around to relate with.
If I had a dollar for every picture I let my boyfriend take I wouldn't need to play the lotto?
Would that count as being a whore?
*starts rummaging through the images folder*
Oh wait, those were supposed to be private...
Is it bad that this is the first thread on these forums that I've read, re-read, back to front and inside out?
Is it bad that this is the first thread on these forums that I've read, re-read, back to front and inside out?
Yes, yes it is.
And yes, so did I.
I have a copy of Meb's Kink for Dummies in my ship somewhere...Is it bad that this is the first thread on these forums that I've read, re-read, back to front and inside out?Yes, yes it is.
And yes, so did I.
Which leads to a more interesting question; so far my current partner lives long distance and since there is only so much that can be done over the internet (which is likely more then you think...) we haven't had to create a safe word yet, nor have I really had any ideas that he hasn't pretty much adored yet. How do you go about picking a word that isn't too common but would be perfectly understood if used? I personally could never see bringing harm to someone in the bedroom, even accidentally, and want to make sure I never do.
Because trust me - someone disrespecting a "no" in the bedroom can be a life devastating event for both parties. So I am wanting to learn as much as I can to make sure I never *ever* do to someone else what has happened to me.
I actually have two safewords, the first one is the slow down, I'm not liking the direction this is going safe word, and that one is blackbird. The second one is the No, stop it, all stop right now, and that is Falcon.
I actually have two safewords, the first one is the slow down, I'm not liking the direction this is going safe word, and that one is blackbird. The second one is the No, stop it, all stop right now, and that is Falcon.
You know you play too much EVE when...
I like to experiment, currently in a relationship but thinking of ways to corrupt her :twisted:
I like to experiment, currently in a relationship but thinking of ways to corrupt her :twisted:
You could bring me in....
Also confirming that this thread became extremely creepy with my change of avatar.
Yes... I do get OoC disturbed by some things. Willing slavery is one of them, as it's hitting far too close to the ultimate taboo in D/s. Breaking someone mentally until the point they believe this is right. This is how it should be. Sure, they might enjoy it, but it's a sin tantamount to murder as far as I'm concerned... because a human mind being destroyed to the point of enjoying being just property and having no freedom... that's murdering a mind. And that's all that we humans are, as far as I'm concerned.
Curious to clarify (hypothetical or not)- do you want that because your already in it, or because you are purposely seeking it? It has a slight difference in context.I'm not already in it, as for if I would say I'm actively pursuing it, but I'd almost rather like it if it happened to me. Like, I'd not have to worry about anything, I could just be happy with myself.
The next point.. Miztens? You stole it! That's my nickname - give it back. *snuggles her Mitzens*
I'm going to be really mentally disturbed here for a moment Miz and ask, what if I want that?
I'm going to be really mentally disturbed here for a moment Miz and ask, what if I want that?
Not to be an ass... but I recommend counseling.
I'm going to be really mentally disturbed here for a moment Miz and ask, what if I want that?
Not to be an ass... but I recommend counseling.
Well, Nikita, some inclinations are simply dangerous. If you can't feed yourself and are engrossed in self-destructive passivity AND want to be a willing slave, you need to go and find a balance that won't result in a high likelihood of being badly used at the hands of an unworthy party and possibly dying, unless you want to die. In which case, yeah, go get counseling.somehow I figured that would be the response.I'm going to be really mentally disturbed here for a moment Miz and ask, what if I want that?Not to be an ass... but I recommend counseling.
Well, Nikita, some inclinations are simply dangerous. If you can't feed yourself and are engrossed in self-destructive passivity AND want to be a willing slave, you need to go and find a balance that won't result in a high likelihood of being badly used at the hands of an unworthy party and possibly dying, unless you want to die. In which case, yeah, go get counseling.
We don't want you to go be a different person, we just want you to enjoy your quirks without ending up on a coroner's slab long before your appointed time, and that's a pretty risky set of desires you have.
Please don't necro threads without adding to the content.
Just a bit of a reminder, since it seems to be something people avoid doing:
We have no rule against necroing threads, and in fact encourage it as an alternative to re-posting a similar thread. It has benefits, including keeping a similar discussion all in one thread, and allowing people who may not have been around for the original thread see some discussion they might otherwise miss.
This has been a PSA sponsored by NHB Ultra Happy Chips™ - now in strawberry!
Thanks!
:s Is this a thread like the "Player Autobiographies" + "OMG show pictures of yourself" threads combined that derailed into a D/s discussion on page 1?
I am unsure if it fits the topic, but I play a character who is a religious masochist (http://www.economist.com/node/18061114).Random tidbit: the title of that piece is a reference to a song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TytGOeiW0aE) by the fantastic Tom Lehrer.
So, I'm going to necro this given a question I realize I'm having.
I am interested in playing a sub/pet/lowercase-letter side of the scale. If I wish to rp that out (not the ERP side, just the relationship side) where in EVE is safe to do that? I know the Summit has a no-slave rule, for example.
Help!
So, I'm going to necro this given a question I realize I'm having.
I am interested in playing a sub/pet/lowercase-letter side of the scale. If I wish to rp that out (not the ERP side, just the relationship side) where in EVE is safe to do that? I know the Summit has a no-slave rule, for example.
Help!
previous stuff....
Important stuff-
-- What blend of participation vs performance do you like in your RP? (Is it mostly for the people involved, or does it really want an audience?)
-- Do you have someone(s) in mind to play with? (If you do, you'll find a way, whether that's in private chat or public soirées that you host, or fiction that you write.)
-- How would you like to see this RP relationship interacting with your EVE gameplay? (Do you imagine doing in-game work/activities because your Upper-Case has given instructions, or is this more about IC but non-gameplay play?)