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Author Topic: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern  (Read 3289 times)

Saede Riordan

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[Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« on: 01 Aug 2010, 20:09 »

Yeah, I'm jumping on the capsuleer run bar bandwagon.

Map of the Bar

Quote from: ingame description
A long passageway curls out the dark underbelly of the CONCORD Station in Sendaya, exiting the bottom of the station then turning and leading out to a remarkable sight, shining up out of the darkness above, lit from within by orange incandescent light, stands a remodeled Rifter, firmly anchored in place on the side of the station by numerous welds, joins, and modifications. Huge diamond reinforced windows dominate the vessel, showing off two floors of the Tavern.

The Gantry ends in a set of rolled tungsten blast doors and a pair of heavily armed and armored brutor doormen. After being checked for illegal materials, the door is opened and a ramp leads up through the orange tinted archway windows that had once been the cockpit of the frigate.

Inside, the bar has both a roomy and cramped feeling, with tables and chairs crammed in at every possible space, and an orange smoky glow dominating the air, the place manages to feel both old and new, welcoming and oppressing, quaint and high tech, all at once. The only real feel that comes off the place, is rough, echoing the appearance of the inhabitants.

Callgirls, waitresses, and service workers all move through the swirl of people, conspicuously displaying weapons of every conceivable make and model. And the large caliber rifle behind the bar, does not look like it's for show.

The bar is NOT open to the public yet. The grand opening is TBA, this is simply to get feedback as I refine the setting, and to preemptively raise awareness
« Last Edit: 01 Aug 2010, 20:24 by Nikita Alterana »
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Aracturus

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #1 on: 01 Aug 2010, 20:23 »

First post!
It reminds me of a rifter....
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Silver Night

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #2 on: 04 Aug 2010, 21:37 »

A few observations. Before I go into criticism mode, I want to make clear that it seems like a good idea, and sounds like you have a clear idea of what you want the place to be like. That's good. Now, things that, were it me, I might change or look at:

You use 'orange' in the first, second, and third paragraphs to describe the light inside. That might be redundant. Were it me I might use a different word than 'stands'. If it is supposed to be disreputable, maybe it crouches on the underbelly of the station. Something like that.(Also, it may be redundant to mention that the passageway curls out of the underbelly of the station, then say it exits the bottom of the station.) First paragraph is also mostly a huge run-on sentence. Happens to me all the time in first drafts too. So many commas.

Second paragraph, only a small thing, '...the orange tinted archway windows that had once been the cockpit..' Should that be that they used to surround the cockpit? Something else?

Might also re-work the third paragraph. The contradictions thing is good, but the first sentence seems very long (a period, or perhaps even something spicy, like a semicolon - I'm also a fan of parentheses and hyphens, but not everyone is), and the second doesn't feel quite right. Maybe 'real' is the wrong word, there? Extra comma between 'place' and 'is' can be done away with.

Final paragraph, people are checked for illegal materials, but everyone inside carries weapons? Or just the staff? On a second reading it looks like it means staff, but it seems a little ambiguous. Are people not allowed to have any illegal materials, or do you mean things like weapons and explosives specifically (as it seems like the kind of place that might be alright with a little recreational booster use, but then again, maybe they want you to buy from them rather than bring your own.) Also, there should obviously be callboys too.  :lol:

Lillith Blackheart

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #3 on: 04 Aug 2010, 21:45 »

The name of it makes me twitch and gives me flashbacks to AOL RP many, many years ago.
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Laurentis Thiesant

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #4 on: 06 Aug 2010, 03:21 »

First post!
It reminds me of a rifter....

Might have something to do with the fact it was imposed over a rifter.  ;)
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Seriphyn

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #5 on: 06 Aug 2010, 04:28 »

I like the idea of a bar being converted from the hull of a ship.

In terms of weaponry, I would use the sorta tech that disables weapons upon entry. I'm sure the technology exists (Think Deus Ex: Invisible War) and is used extensively in the capsuleer areas of station by CONCORD etc.

I think it would be far better than the usual "/me walks in and hands his awesome, gold-plated energy laser plasma blaster pistol into the security, along with his double-barrelled assault carbine and sword"

Heh...
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #6 on: 06 Aug 2010, 07:46 »

I need to clarify that a bit, possibly change things up, the idea was that weapons were allowed, but things like explosives were obviously not.
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Alexander Rykis

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #7 on: 08 Aug 2010, 05:49 »

Fuck yeah, a hookah bar!

I'll be there. Thanks Nikky
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Myrhial Arkenath

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #8 on: 18 Aug 2010, 03:13 »

A long passageway curls out the dark underbelly of the CONCORD Station in Sendaya, exiting the bottom of the station, then turning and leading out to a remarkable sight. Shining up out of the darkness above, lit from within by orange incandescent light, stands a remodeled Rifter firmly anchored in place on the side of the station by numerous welds, joins, and modifications. Huge reinforced windows dominate the vessel, showing off two floors of the tavern.

The gantry ends in a set of rolled tungsten blast doors and a pair of heavily armed brutor bouncers. After being checked for illegal goods, the door is opened and a ramp leads up through the orange tinted archway windows that had once been the cockpit of the frigate.

Inside, despite being quite spacious, the place seems cramped due tables and chairs crammed in at every possible space, and an orange smoky glow dominating the air. It appears both old and new, welcoming and oppressing, quaint and high tech, all at once. The only real feel that comes off the place however is rough, echoing the appearance of the inhabitants.

Callgirls, waitresses, and service workers all move through the swirl of people, conspicuously displaying weapons of every conceivable make and model. A large caliber rifle standing behind the bar does not look like it's for show either.

---

* Split up the first and third paragraph into more sentences for clarity's sake.
* Removed diamond. Can't recall which material windows in EVE are made from but it is stated somewhere in the lore.
* Replaced doormen by bouncers. They are there to kick out undesirables, not greet and bow.
* Various other spelling and grammar cleanups / rewrites / edits.

As promised to Nikita, here's my edit. I do miss a description of the private rooms and only the main bar is described, do you plan to add those also?
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Z.Sinraali

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #9 on: 18 Aug 2010, 17:16 »

What is it with pirates putting their bars in CONCORD stations? [seri]It's almost as bad as the space lesbian plague.[/seri]
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Myrhial Arkenath

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #10 on: 18 Aug 2010, 17:44 »

What is it with pirates putting their bars in CONCORD stations? [seri]It's almost as bad as the space lesbian plague.[/seri]

CONCORD stole all the good systems and put their stations in it.
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #11 on: 18 Aug 2010, 18:34 »

What is it with pirates putting their bars in CONCORD stations? [seri]It's almost as bad as the space lesbian plague.[/seri]

CONCORD stole all the good systems and put their stations in it.


^^^ This this this.

Its amazing how many concord stations are scattered around lowsec
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #12 on: 19 Aug 2010, 11:30 »

More description, courtesy of Aracturus and Kelsy:

The Bar is divided into four arms, all of which are quite distinct, using the center of the vessel, using the natural gap in between the two arms of the ship to create two unique atmospheres on either side of the divide. On one side, it is warn and filled with smoke, with dull bulbs shedding dim amber light on it from above
The other side, however is Dark, lit by Blue strobes and spotlights: the home of the bar's more chemically-inclined patrons
The smoke-filled side is furnished with dingy tables and rusted metal chairs, contrasting greatly with the polished Tritanium surface of the bar
Music plays from derelict looking loudspeakers on this side. You cannot make out any of the music, as the loudspeakers seem to be partially broken.
The other side directly contrasts with the bright, quiet atmosphere of its twin.
It is devoid of furniture except for stools at the bar, which is lit from the floor by gently shifting colored mood lighting, The surface of the bar here is Glass, which glows from the fixtures below
Hard, fast music pounds out from speakers hidden in any nook or cranny that can be found here, strobe lights and lasers dance along the dance floor, which is typically packed with chemophiles dancing themselves into oblivion, while the more shadowy
nooks give way to couples necking in the dark.
in the main area of the bar, one may look upon both ends, with a curved staircase flanking the center bar, decorated in a nostaligic wood and leather style
The center bar has more ecclectic taste, with no rhyme or reason to it, seeming to be only in existence to serve as a gateway to the various areas of the bar
On the left and right are doors leading to private bedchambers in the wings, with heavily-armed guards at each door. You cannot see beyond
Ascending the stairs to the private lounge on the ships prow, you find yourself no longer in a dingy pirate bar, but in a lush Noir-style lounge with Chaise lounges, setees, and armchairs scattered around a roaring hearth, made out of wood with leather cushions. The Mantle continues this style, with polished oak boards hiding the ships bulkhead, and a small wooden bar in the center.
Beyond the bar is a massive glass half-dome, providing a breathtaking view of the rest of the ship and deep into space.

Behind the bar there is a narrow stairwell leading to the dark underside of the ship, where booze, drugs, and food is created, stored, and moved.
Throughout the bar, scantily-clad serving girls wander about providing drugs and drinks to the patrons.
Behind the bar in the central area is a sign just below the rifle that says "NO FLOOD"
One notices quickly that while not banned in the bar, Exile , Crash, and drop, are not served by the bar."
there is a pair of bouncers that wanders the bar, looking for passed out addicts. There is another man with a black patch on his arm - His purpose is to dispose of anyone who dies in the bar. It is rumored he has a collection of corpses.
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Saede Riordan

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #13 on: 03 Sep 2010, 18:39 »

This just in, Bar is open.


"grand opening" will be at some point next week, probably next friday.
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hellgremlin

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Re: [Yet another Bar] Stars End Tavern
« Reply #14 on: 14 Sep 2010, 12:20 »

You know, once Incarna comes out, I fully plan to plant bombs and unstable bioweapons in your various establishments. All these bars are going to cut into GHSC's drink sales.
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