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[Louella Dougans]

Benefits: +5% Speed, +5% Scan Resolution. Duration: 1 hour.

Attached Ad Copy

As a capsuleer, you are immortal. You have all eternity to seize your destiny. Shouldn’t you have a soft drink that can perform as well as you? Quafe thinks so. That’s why we’ve developed Quafe Zero.

Using the latest in cutting edge biotechnology, our industry-leading scientists have reverse-engineered Quafe Zero from compounds found only in Sleeper vessels. Quafe Zero is fortified with a proprietary mix of performance enhancers, oxidizers, and natural fruit juices designed to push your abilities to the limit.

The secret is in our patented fulleroferrocene nanite delivery system, which attaches our exclusive pro-capsuleer formula directly to the neurons you want, not the ones you don’t. The result is an immediate and direct boost to your performance, with Zero drawbacks!

Quafe Zero is a product of the Quafe Company. Quafe does not condone the use of boosters or other illicit substances. The Quafe Company disavows responsibility for any side effects caused by consuming Sleeper technology.

Warning: Quafe Zero is designed for capsuleer use only. Side effects experienced by non-capsuleers include but are not limited to dizziness, blindness, nausea, internal hemorrhaging, IBS, sleepwalking, amnesia, sexual deviancy, vision changes, acute epidermal sloughing, partial or total loss of motor control, and minor skin rash.

Quafe Zero is manufactured in the Phoenix constellation.

Quafe Zero: Multiply your eternity by Zero!

Phoenix constellation...

 

[Morwen Lagann]

... And the "Quafe is a front for/being run by the Serpentis Corporation" conspiracy theories start in three... two...

[Ghost Hunter]

Hilariously campy and altogether in the general theme as a anniversary present.

I was hoping for something Incara related, though, personally. Like a bitter vet t-shirt.

[Mithfindel]

I wonder if the "post-consumer" biomass is a leftover of the Quafe+ project.

[Z.Sinraali]

Yeah, a shirt would've been cool. But it's nice to see that the mysterious Quafe Zero was put in the DB for a reason.

No, that's a lie. It sucks, because I wanted that reason to be that it was the first in a line of new pseudo-boosters. Oh well.

[Lyn Farel]

I don't know if I want to laugh or grin.

[Akrasjel Lanate]

I don't know if I want to laugh or grin.

[Esna Pitoojee]

Is "both" an acceptable answer?

[Borza]

I don't know whether to smile a little or chuckle under my breath.

[hellgremlin]

Well, judging by Eve's history and product content, Quafe Zero is synthesized by pulping screaming Minmatar orphans down to a fine paste, blended with severed-but-still-blinking Sansha heads, and Sleeper sprinkles for crunch. The product is then passed through three unstable wormholes, a number of exotic particle fields, given sentience, enslaved for an eternity, sent back in time, forced to issue mad prophecies about what is to come, made to forget the enslavement, robbed of sentience, flavoured with Amarr grapes picked by more Minmatar orphans with broken fingers (the day before their liquefaction, of course) and finally bottled by grim Caldari factory workers whose wives cheat on them with everyone in upper management.

[Casiella]

I'd drink that.

[Amann Karris]

Well, judging by Eve's history and product content, Quafe Zero is synthesized by pulping screaming Minmatar orphans down to a fine paste, blended with severed-but-still-blinking Sansha heads, and Sleeper sprinkles for crunch. The product is then passed through three unstable wormholes, a number of exotic particle fields, given sentience, enslaved for an eternity, sent back in time, forced to issue mad prophecies about what is to come, made to forget the enslavement, robbed of sentience, flavoured with Amarr grapes picked by more Minmatar orphans with broken fingers (the day before their liquefaction, of course) and finally bottled by grim Caldari factory workers whose wives cheat on them with everyone in upper management.

You have a sick and twisted world view young man.

Also, this was obviously the real reason for the Zephyr program; new and wonderful applications for Quafe products!  I mean, the pieces all fit... scanning and speed bonuses?  The perfect combination of Serpentis and SoE technology!

Because, you know, the Serpentis and the SoE love Capsuleers so very... very much. 

[Chowda]

Supposedly, people had contract buy orders in Jita and Amarr for 35+ million isk.  Probably a mission item thing.  Anyway, some people made a quick 200 mil or so after downtime.

[BloodBird]

Supposedly, people had contract buy orders in Jita and Amarr for 35+ million isk.  Probably a mission item thing.  Anyway, some people made a quick 200 mil or so after downtime.

And ofc the scammers quickly tried to get at it, selling quafe ultra in contracts of a slightly differnet name. Pathetic. One would think they realize that people are intelligent enough to read the details and look at what they get. Sadly, all it takes is one fool to fall for it, and they will keep at it for another month or so.

Also, noticed the little add about the phoenix constellation. I'm so glad CCP is happy to tell us all the Fed is incompetent enough to let the serpents get in everywhere and infiltrate whatever they please, like one of the biggest mega's in the Fed and a huge profit possibility for them.

I wonder when they are going to stop messing about and just go say it, we are all Sarpathi's little bitches now, even if we are aware of this or not.

[Amann Karris]

I'm so glad CCP is happy to tell us all the Fed is incompetent enough to let the serpents get in everywhere and infiltrate whatever they please, like one of the biggest mega's in the Fed and a huge profit possibility for them.

It could of course simply be a marketing gimmick.  Throw some half-baked ad slogans, see which ones stick, and use similar ones for future promotional material.

Product placement research at it's finest!