Backstage - OOC Forums
General Discussion => The Speakeasy: OOG/Off-topic Discussion => Topic started by: Julianni Avala on 28 May 2018, 23:40
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Hello, fellow roleplayers. As many of you have known, I was away for quite some time recently. This was beginning in February, and up until basically now/ongoing.
The main reason for this post is that I want to bring awareness to you all of the importance of reaching out when you are not feeling okay.
My suicide attempt in February was a cry for help that was, luckily, answered before I lost my life. Many, if not all of you, have experienced what happens when someone does not make it. Perhaps you have been in these shoes of a survivor as well, once. Regardless of if you have, or have not, you matter.
I have noticed such an outreach of support from those close to me in EVE who know what happened. Not just Broadcast4Reps, but the roleplay community as a whole. This said, I want to ensure that people know this very fact. Despite what differences our community of roleplayers and even regular players have, hands reach out to help.
I am happy to say that an EVE player saved my life.
For those battling with any mental ailments: remember that you matter to us; remember that you are not alone; remember that if you need help, it's there; remember that sometimes, all it takes is someone to listen to what you have to say.
And that, my friends, is okay.
It is okay to reach out. We are here for you.
Love,
Sara
A List of Suicide Hotlines (http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines)
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Making this a sticky because this is a topic very important to me personally, and frankly an important topic for everyone who has EvE friends that might be suffering. B4R helped me out too when I went through a dark time.
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I am sorry to hear this, but I am happy that you are feeling better now. A bit over a year ago I was there myself, when I hit rock bottom after a long struggle against the system that was supposed to help me. But like your story, it was also someone from EVE who helped me by calling the police.
Just writing this post brings up a lot of emotions, but I am glad that you started it because it is vital.
So thank you
:cube:
Sofia
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Just sending love and hugs. :cube:
Thank you for bringing awareness to this... I often go through periods of severe depression and anxiety and sometimes it does reflect in how I speak to people on Eve... I'm not proud of myself for lashing out at times...
Anyway, take care of yourself and I'm glad to hear you are getting support. :cube:
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I don't really tend to do the whole 'compassionate' thing in Eve or even on the boards much. As a paramedic, I spend most of my time outside of the ambulance in empathy fatigued mode, spending the capacity I have on the job and trying to avoid burning that candle on the other end while home. Thus, impatience with the 'little things' and the stuff that comes across as whiny, 'really, this is what it takes to get you crying?' etc etc becomes something of a norm and I generally just accept that I come across as such an asshole as a result.
All that said, when the shit actually does hit the fan, when limits are reached and someone in actual need reaches out... I'll be there. If I don't have any reserves to go on, I will at the very least find you someone else to talk to who does. I've been dealing with depression myself since my teens and all through my adult life, only getting an actual diagnosis in my thirties with intermittent medication when the side-effects are less onerous than the illness, so I can understand and empathize, when I've got the reserves to spare for it. I deal with it in the same way many health care professionals deal with the job, compartmentalizing, timing releases and venting when it's convenient and so on but that's not an option for a lot of people, so always reach out when you feel the need.
That said, suicidal moods will almost always be better dealt with by professionals and the very best thing anyone can do when someone reaches out for help is to give what you can, but always try to get professionals involved.
More importantly, on a more general note: Start pressuring politicians, ffs. Mental health care is wildly underfunded in every damn country on the planet. There's never enough facilities and trained personnel to care for people with mental health issues, and those that do exist are so poorly funded that they barely cope themselves. Whenever there's elections, be it local or national, push them on what their stance is on health care funding, talk to other voters about it and make them think about it, and make sure the politicians know this is an issue you'll vote on.
It's an issue both politicians and people in general like to ignore, until they themselves are in need of it. Talk about it in your circles, raise awareness not just about how we can help each other, but of how little is being done about it from both local and national governments. I am honestly tired of the fact that I've long since lost count of how many people fall between the cracks, not ill enough to get one of the few spots mental health care can offer, too ill to function well, and ending up in the back of my ambulance because there's nowhere else for them to go before things get that bad.
Anyway, rambling time over. tl;dr would probably be "Yeah, I'm probably a poor choice in that regard, but if you need to talk I probably won't make it too much worse before I get a professional involved" and "make mental health a serious subject in elections".
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It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, that I am thankful that Sara's incident resolved the way it did. All too often the outcome is purely negative. I don't talk about these sorts of things, personal things, at all. Either about myself or with someone else struggling with their mental health. I bottle my own stuff up and I know that I'm just not a good match for someone that needs a sympathetic ear. I just lack a certain capacity for it. Not being able to talk about it is one very big half of awareness. People feel like being open about their mental health is improper, embarrassing, or it might lead to them being seen as needy or weak. Coupled with a still fairly unenlightened public attitude towards and understanding of the issues it can, even today, be very hard for someone to seek help even if they have the desire and means.
Five years ago my dad killed himself. I had known for a long time that he could be melancholy. But suicidal? The day of his death I had driven down to the Gulf Coast to spend a week with my friends celebrating a batch of graduations. On the drive down he texted me that he loved me and wished me a fun trip. I said thanks and that I'd try and remember to text him when we got there. I did not remember (something that I know probably had no bearing on what happened but something about which I will never stop feeling guilty). That night he shot himself. My family tried to get in touch with me but didn't get through until early the next morning. One of my friends drove me to the airport and I flew home. I remember being in the air for a long time, probably longer than it actually was, and I was just in my head the whole time. Should I have noticed something? Did he say anything I should have picked up on? Did he not say anything? Why wouldn't he say something?
It becomes an insane maze of what-ifs and speculation of counterfactuals and if you've lost someone you'll almost always find a way to see yourself at fault for it. But you're not at fault. Nobody is. A lot of the time people who are vulnerable hide it and the people that might be the first source of aid, friends and family, don't have any obvious signs that they need to be concerned about something. Communication is the stigma.
Ask how your friends and family are and how they feel. If you don't feel well let your friends and family know. The people who love you will never think you're weak or just an attention-seeker. If you think for one moment that you need professional help then get it. 1 in 5 adults in the US have a mental disorder of one variety or another; half of all adults in the US will struggle with a mental disorder at some point in their life. It's basically the most common form of illness short of the cold and we need to start acting like it. Get professional help, follow a treatment, or just take that first step and open up to someone about what's going on inside your head.
It is amazing and heartwarming that even through an online game (and a game with the reputation of Eve at that) the human connection can be made that saves a life but please, please, please, please if you ever doubt your health (in any way) don't let a video game or B4R become your last line of defense.
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I am thankful for this thread and everyone in it.
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I don't do words good so I wasn't sure how to post in this topic but I figured I should.
This is a very important topic, and I think that it will help people. I've suffered from depression, along with a long list of other disorders, for most of my life. Always remember that there's nothing shameful about seeking help if you need it. Whether that be medical help, hotlines or a friend to talk to, never be afraid to reach out.
Quick edit to add something because it's relevant right now.
There's nothing wrong with crying about the passing of someone you followed online. There's no reason to feel guilty about that.
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There's nothing wrong with crying about the passing of someone you followed online. There's no reason to feel guilty about that.
TB didn't get tears from me, even though I do mourn his passing. When Terry Pratchett died though... damn, I burst into tears randomly the whole day through. To this day I can't really think of his death without a serious pang of grief. Kind of impressive, as I never cried for my grandparents.
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I saw this on imgur not so long ago, it might help people
https://i.imgur.com/JESdFoW.jpg
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I saw this on imgur not so long ago, it might help people
https://i.imgur.com/JESdFoW.jpg
This is lovely, but idealistic. When depression hits hard, the ability to function and complete these tasks seems as monumental as climbing Mount Everest.
I get more frustrated by people telling me to reach out, reach out, reach out...well, sometimes, I just can't reach out. Luckily, I have very good friends and a strong support system of people who know when I hit lows and know how to help. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough for that. Still...I'm growing to hate these "helpful tips"...
Apologies for snapping, it's just I've been struggling a lot lately with how people view depression. It's not just "sadness."
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I saw this on imgur not so long ago, it might help people
https://i.imgur.com/JESdFoW.jpg
This is lovely, but idealistic. When depression hits hard, the ability to function and complete these tasks seems as monumental as climbing Mount Everest.
I get more frustrated by people telling me to reach out, reach out, reach out...well, sometimes, I just can't reach out. Luckily, I have very good friends and a strong support system of people who know when I hit lows and know how to help. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough for that. Still...I'm growing to hate these "helpful tips"...
Apologies for snapping, it's just I've been struggling a lot lately with how people view depression. It's not just "sadness."
This.
Depression isn't just feeling sad. It changes your way of thinking and switches off your sense of logic. It will twist every idea into the worst possible outcome. It will make everything feel pointless.
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Apathy. At least, that's how it kicks in for me.
Meh, shower. Not going out anyway. Meh, this. Meh, that. Trash full? Eh, it'll stack. Mail? Meh, it'll keep. They'll start calling if it's important enough, eventually. Push for that better position at work? Meh, why bother? I sustain myself with what I got. Socializing? Meh, I don't even like people anyway. Etc. etc. And of course, it self-reinforces as time goes on and all those little consequences of apathy grows greater. Sure, you spent twice as much on bills as you needed to but eh, fuck it. You're in a rut anyway, so why care if someone else got that aforementioned position? Maintaining contact with family/friends? Meh, they'll call if it's important and otherwise it just takes effort.
And through all of this, you remain perfectly functional. You just trundle along from distraction to distraction, not really giving a shit about any of it and from almost any outside perspective you're just... normal. You've let most relationships lapse to the point where you're an acquaintance anyway, so no one looks too closely and apathetic and depressed doesn't mean you don't act normal when you are in contact with people. All the little rituals of social interaction are done by rote and reflex, a little nod here, the smile and "you too!" there, insipid small talk when you're briefly trapped in an elevator with someone you know and so on.
All the while, life is just a grey mush of meh.
I've never been suicidal and I doubt I'll get to that point before I have good reason. (As a medical professional, I know I have no intention of letting myself degrade to the point of mental or physical infirmity, and dignity has gone out the window.) Sad, though? Sure, I've been sad sometimes. Sadness hits everyone. That's not depression, however. Everyone can get in a funk, and it can even last a good bit. Depression is when everything's meaningless whether you have reason to be sad or happy or angry or whatever. It's when you can have the whole range of emotion and still not feel them, if that makes any sense.
It's when reason, logic and emotion are all trumped by "meh."
For me, anyway. It's not like it's an entirely universal experience.
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For me, anyway. It's not like it's an entirely universal experience.
This is pretty much exactly my experience of the last 2-4 years.
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Pretty much what Kala and Miz just said.
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antidepressants are p.good tho
doctor gave me a prescription for fluuxetine lik 2 years ago, and I've felt great. Lots more energy, lots less dark thoughts.
Not as interested in writing stories, but lol, lets face it, I'm not very good at it, so :U
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The problem with the first-line anti-depressants (SSRIs like Escitalopram etc) is that for a lot of people the side-effects are worse than what they treat. The sexual dysfunction can hit hard, and the sleep disturbances too. The versions that are less hard on those side-effects have other dangers, including potentially lethal seizures, like Wellbutrin.
The meds are great, but for a large chunk of people that don't have a nasty enough depression they do the job but make something else even worse. When rubbing one out takes four hours with a lunch break in the middle, or you can't get off to your partner that can hit even harder than depression.
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Been meaning to make a post to this thread, and what better time than while in a Starbucks while on the clock? xD
Anyway, mental health is important. I'm young but I feel like there has been a good amount of progress within the last several years in elevating the status of mental health from something no one ever talked about to something that is openly discussed and on the radar of a lot of folk. And that is good! Still, as with many things in life, there can be more done. Threads like this certainly help with going in the right direction.
I struggled with anxiety as a kid, but somehow ended up snapping out of it (for lack of a better phrase). But then depression took its place, and stayed there for many years. I lived with depression for a long time without ever talking about it, or ever acknowledging it really. It wasn't until I went to university that I started to understand it better and acknowledge my struggle with it. It took one really bad fallout with a deeply close person to me and staring down six flights of stairs on a lonely Spring night debating whether I should jump or not to convince me I needed to make some changes in my life. Naturally, being the stubborn person I am, my politics (I'm very anti-big pharma), and the fact that I was a biology major of all things...I wanted to tackle the problem head-on myself before seeking professional help.
I was able to overcome my depression because I had the knowledge to make healthy, positive changes. Many anti-depressants work by promoting neurogenesis (brain cell growth) in the hippocampus of the brain (the little area which plays a key role in long-term memory formation and emotional regulation). Exercise does the same thing, and particularly aerobic exercise such as running, hiking, swimming, etc. So I started running a lot. Your body needs various nutrients, minerals, etc to run optimally and produce the hormones, signal molecules, etc to function in a healthy way. So I started making small changes to my diet which got more and more progressive. Some green, leafy veggies here, some more fiber there, cut sugar more and more - that kind of stuff. Insomnia and depression have a high rate of comorbidity. Well, gosh, I had a hard time sleeping all the time when I had depression. So I tried sticking to a consistent sleep and wake schedule. Hard at first, definitely, but eventually my body adapted and got good quality sleep. Months go by and I successfully conquer my depression. For me, using my knowledge of biology and an inner drive to never have to look down a tall building with the urge to jump ever again helped me overcome one of my longest running struggles. Of course, I still have to work at it. And honestly I think I will always have to work to keep my depression at bay. And that's okay for me.
Different things work for different people. Some people need meds. Some people just need to get better sleep. Others need a combination of things. Whatever mental health struggles you may be going through, know that you got a community to support you. A community of space frands! I'm definitely no mental health professional but I am always happy to talk or listen to anyone who needs some advice or a pair of ears. :cube:
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Warning, what follows are some thoughts, which may not be entirely coherent.
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Confirming mental health care in The Netherlands has degraded quite a bit the last ten years or so, and I don't think it was really good to start with.
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It's always my best friends and the kindest and most interesting people I know that suffer from depression or borderline or both. Also in EVE, apparently, as the OP of this thread and the first responders are quite a few of my favorite people in EVE. I sometimes wonder if they are drawn to me, or me to them, or both, or if it says something about our society.
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I'm not depressed, but I only say that because I know quite well what depression is. I do behave like a depressed person sometimes, and I think I may sometimes be skirting along the edges of depression, but I actually feel a lot, short periods of apathy/emptiness excluded. And I've been feeling more and more over the years, good and bad. So much it tires me out sometimes, and it makes me long for a time when I was more stoic, more zen. Like the past month, it's been so eventful, good and bad. This week I spend hours sitting on the couch worrying about my best friend, every now and then unsuccessfully trying to push myself to get up and get some groceries, but I could still cry.
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Despite having many friends and a (suicidal) sister suffering from depression, not one of their therapists have ever really given me tips on how I can help them when they are down. As such, I welcome your advise.
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I'll just end with hugs. You need them, I need them, let's do it!
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